Doth mother know you weareth her drapes? [spoiler]The Tesseract is a crystalline cube-shaped containment vessel for an Infinity Stone, one of six singularities that predate the universe and possess unlimited energy...[/spoiler]

It's a joke not a dick, don't take it so hard

This contest sucks.. I gave you marriage level one liners... should be over by now...friggin dammit all

There was once a boy who, on his 12th birthday, was asked what he wanted. Since his family was well to do, he was told he could ask for anything. So, the young boy replies, "A pink ping pong ball." "Is that all?" His father asks, and the child replies yes. The child is very excited to receive his pink ping pong ball and retreats to his room. Over the next few days, they never see the pink ping pong ball again. The parents just shrug it off as a passing fad. The year comes and goes, and soon the boys 13th birthday arrives. Again, he was asks what he wanted. "10 pink ping pong balls." "Are you sure?" "Yes." So the father dutifully buys his son 10 pink ping pong balls. The child takes them and dashes up to his room again, not coming out till morning. And just like last time, the parents never see the ping pong balls again. Fast forward to the sons 14th birthday. The parents again ask what the young man wants for his birthday. A Wii? A bicycle? Perhaps a pony? "100 pink ping pong balls." "OK..." Says the surprised father. And so, he gives his child 100 pink ping pong balls. And like last time, he darts to his room, and is not seen again until morning, with no sign of the pink ping pong balls ever again. The seasons change, and soon his 15th birthday is here. The parents, not surprised by any answer this time, ask, "What would you like for your birthday?" "1000 pink ping pong balls." He retorts quickly. And again, the parents do what they can to give their child a wonderful birthday. And again, when the young man gets his 1000 pink ping pong balls, he bolts to his room, and is not seen till morning. 16th birthday. The young man beats his parents to the punch and asks, "Can I have 10,000 pink ping pong balls? Thanks!" and heads off to school. "I've cleaned his room honey, and I don't know what he does with those ping pong balls." says the mom. "Well, he's a young man now, and we should respect his privacy." Says the father. So just like the previous years, the father gifts his son pink ping pong balls. 10,000 of them. The young man is now a senior is high school. He has dated. He has tried his first alcohol. He is growing up. His father, hoping to bequeath his son a new car, asks what he would like for his 17th birthday. "well, I was thinking" Says the son, "How about 100,000 pink ping pong balls." The father, who by now was almost expecting this answer, smiles a big smile. "Sure thing son!" For the father was elated for not 6 months before he had purchased stock in a pink ping pong ball factory. Might as well make some money, right? The next day, a pallet of 100,000 pink ping pong balls is waiting for the son. He unpacks and takes them straight to his room. Dawn arrives, and the son emerges, no sign of the pink ping pong balls. Graduation time. the son has moved on to his own place. He returns home for his 18th birthday weekend. "So, pink ping pong balls for your birthday?" "Yup. 1,000,000 of them." The father, having already made a lot of money off of his sons pink ping pong ball fetish, charters a dump truck and has 1,000,000 pink ping pong balls delivered to his sons residence. And like many birthdays before this one, the boy marches upstairs, and is not seen until the next day. A few days before his 19th birthday, the son gets a phone call. "Hi, this is Joey JoeJoe Junior Shabadoo from the Acme Pink Ping Pong Ball Company calling to confirm an order of 10,000,000 pink ping pong balls to be delivered to 9764 Jeopardy Lane." "Oh, my parents must have guessed what I wanted for my birthday. Sweet!" He thinks. "Yup, that's the address." He phones his parents and thanks them for the most wonderful birthday present. Upon reaching home, he takes his many pink ping pong balls and goes upstairs till morning. 20th birthday rolls around. The son, starting to do well at his work, called from the office. "Sorry mom and dad, I can't make it over for my birthday this year." The father again asks, hoping for a huge windfall from the sale, "What would you like us to send?" "I know it's a hassle, but I would love to have 100,000,000 pink ping pong balls for my birthday." "You got it son!" Yells the father, and he charters a supertanker filled with pink ping pong balls for his son. It takes the young man a few hours, but he finally gets them all home, and is again not seen till sunrise the next day. The young mans 21st birthday is finally here. But alas, tragedy has struck the family. The young man, the scion of the family, has fallen gravely ill, and may not make the night. The parents, nestled by his hospital bed, ask, "Is there anything that we can get you?" And the son musters enough strength to answer, "Just a package of 6 pink ping pong tennis balls." And the son dozes off. Well, the father tears like a bat out off hell straight to the pink ping pong ball factory, which he is now owner of. He yoinks a pack of pink ping pong balls off the assembly line and rushes back to the hospital. He sets them on the nightstand, and shortly after is informed that they have to leave for the night, but may return in a few hours after some tests are run. When the parents return early the next day, the pink ping pong balls are gone. The father, perplexed by this, finally decides to ask the son. "My son. I've always respected your privacy, but i must -must! - know where those pink ping pong balls go?" The son, wanting to be obedient, agrees to tell him. He looks up to him, with a twinkle in his eyes, gives him a kind smile and says, "Well...I" -- and then he died. [spoiler]this is a writers one line ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) [/spoiler] [spoiler] ...a casual loop within this toggler's mechanism suggests that the toggling process somehow binds space and time into... [/spoiler]

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed foe

Ya feelin' lucky, punk *last word shot*

Not necessarily a one liner per se but... "Oh do shut up, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart."

What do you call a dinosaur getting out of a

Is this a one liner? No this is Patrick!

I came here to kick gum and chew ass, but I'm all out of ass. [b] [/b] -Dick Kickem

Nice shoes, want to f[b]u[/b]ck?