Why do you kneel to the Cryptarch guardian?... To show him respect...? Get up you stupid fool, my artifact grants me telepathy, listen to what Master Ives is thinking when he decodes your engrams!!! "Looks uncomfortable." - (Not suprisingly, since I sprinkled it with itching powder) "It's yours." - (Because seriously, not even a complete Imbecile would pay glimmer for it) "Interesting choice." - (Not that I gave you any, idiot) "I'd forgotten we had that." - (Probably because it was in the broken gear pile, under a dead cat, behind the toilet) "This horrible robot can show you to a fitting room." - (Where you can hide, as wearing that piece of crap in public is hideously offensive) "Mmm. I rather regret letting that one go." - (I was going to give it to the tower scrap robot to recycle into a spork) "I suppose you should check and see if it's loaded." - (Because, when it explodes in your hand I don't want to get killed by the shrapnel) "You Guardians, you come here, you take our finest things." - (Well, our garbage - saves us paying someone to collect it) "I can't let this go cheaply." - (Only because it's so crap, no one in their right mind would pay anything for it) "I wonder where we got this from." - (I thought they had recalled all of them) "Very stylish, I'm sure." - (If your aim is to look like a complete gimp) "They don't make these anymore." - (In fact, they only made one before they realised it was terrible) "Oh, it pains me to let this go." - (Because it made a really good doorstop) "Not many of these left." - (As no one who used one ever survived) "No shooting on The Reef, Guardian." - (I don't want you finding out how crap this is while I'm around) "One of the novices can help you try it on." - (While I roll around laughing on the floor out back, at how stupid you look) "Looks like it fits, more or less." - (Definitely Iess, as it was designed for a monkey) "Better than being shot, I suppose." - (No, actually I'd rather someone shot me than use that) "I'd forgotten we had that. A rare piece." - (Unique actually, as my four year old put it together from scrapped parts) "Careful where you point that." - (People might mistake it for an actual weapon)