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Edited by index:
12/29/2014 6:35:02 AM
445
No Land Beyond: Worst Of All Weapons Award
Bungie, you guys have made some pretty shitsmear, absolutely f***tarded Exotic decisions that have only lately been redeemed and improved upon. Thorn was just a big monster dildo that reloaded at the speed of tectonic plate movement... Super Good Advice's best advice was to set that shit on fire and get the Ascendant Energy, etc. etc.
But you guys have pulled most of those out of the gutter. F***ed over a few once-golden Exotics in the process (Red Death) but you've more or less fixed the bulk of them. Except for Universal Remote. A mediocre shotgun that takes up both your Exotic and Primary weapon slots to give you the option of not using your favorite rifle so you can use a shitty pump-action. I thought it was easily The Worst Weapon Of The Game, hands down. Until...
[b]...a challenger has appeared![/b]
NO LAND BEYOND, folks! This thing performs like dogshit no matter what the application. You want an ammo capacity so pathetic that you'll run out of shells constantly in PvE? You got it. How about sights that block your entire f***ing screen but only a point as small as a mosquito's dickhole is actually your target area? Done. What about a bolt-action animation that breaks target acquisition after each shot, and is slower than a tortoise pleasuring itself? You better believe it. How about an Exotic sniper that takes up your primary slot but is outperformed by green-rarity sniper rifles you'd pick up at level 6 in the Crucible? Then this is your new weapons.
No Land Beyond.... for when you just have to be the jackass in the group telling the rest of his friends "I just want to chaaaallenge myself!" confidently, before everyone rolls their eyes and gets the party leader to kick you out of the f***ing raid for being a hipster twat.
No Land Beyond... the Exotic Shard that costs 17 Strange Coins from Xur. :P
Why does this festering chunk of shit with a trigger even exist?
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BUT WAIT, WHAT'S THIS? INCREASED PRECISION DAMAGE ON A PVP WEAPON? This weapon is one shot headshot. WHY GIVE IT MORE PRECISION DAMAGE, YOU CAN'T USE IT IN PVE ANYWAY?! Maybe if this gun gets amazing stability AND a cool perk, it could maybe qualify as an uncommon weapon.
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3 Replies4th horseman is giving it some stiff turd of the year competition.
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Best post ever.. !
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142 RepliesAllow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.
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I hope they buff it. A lot.
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3 RepliesUniversal remote is amazing. You probably dont like it as its the only shotgun that actually requires skill to use.
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1 ReplyThis gun is horrible...at least give it huge damage if its going to be that slow.
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6 RepliesNLB is great . I have fun playing with it on patrol . Why does every exotic need to be B.A , why cant some just be for dicking around
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[quote]Bungie, you guys have made some pretty shitsmear, absolutely f***tarded Exotic decisions that have only lately been redeemed and improved upon. Thorn was just a big monster dildo that reloaded at the speed of tectonic plate movement... Super Good Advice's best advice was to set that shit on fire and get the Ascendant Energy, etc. etc. But you guys have pulled most of those out of the gutter. F***ed over a few once-golden Exotics in the process (Red Death) but you've more or less fixed the bulk of them. Except for Universal Remote. A mediocre shotgun that takes up both your Exotic and Primary weapon slots to give you the option of not using your favorite rifle so you can use a shitty pump-action. I thought it was easily The Worst Weapon Of The Game, hands down. Until... [b]...a challenger has appeared![/b] NO LAND BEYOND, folks! This thing performs like dogshit no matter what the application. You want an ammo capacity so pathetic that you'll run out of shells constantly in PvE? You got it. How about sights that block your entire f***ing screen but only a point as small as a mosquito's dickhole is actually your target area? Done. What about a bolt-action animation that breaks target acquisition after each shot, and is slower than a tortoise pleasuring itself? You better believe it. How about an Exotic sniper that takes up your primary slot but is outperformed by green-rarity sniper rifles you'd pick up at level 6 in the Crucible? Then this is your new weapons. No Land Beyond.... for when you just have to be the jackass in the group telling the rest of his friends "I just want to chaaaallenge myself!" confidently, before everyone rolls their eyes and gets the party leader to kick you out of the f***ing raid for being a hipster twat. No Land Beyond... the Exotic Shard that costs 17 Strange Coins from Xur. :P Why does this festering chunk of shit with a trigger even exist?[/quote] Dude first: I love your post i laughed for ab hour Second : you are absolutely right on every aspect Third: BUNGIE ADDRESS THIS!!!!
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No 4th horsemen is worse
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Great post, OP! That new exotic is complete shit! I gave it an hour of my time and done bounties to upgrade. Even after some upgrades (4, I think), I dismantled it. Xur should feel lucky I can't use my throwing knife in the Tower; because I would have ganked his ass and taken my coins back....
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1 ReplyAfter I spent 17 strange coins on my no land beyond I went out and got it appraised and the appraiser said it was worth about 1000 grams of DIRT
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3 RepliesI had fun using it yesterday. But it's definitely worthless lol.
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Classic .... +1
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Hahaha nice post man
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3 RepliesThe 4th horseman is just as shitty. Got it last night and am vaulting it in the hopes it gets fixed
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Hilarious read.
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haha, hilarious post. Thanks for the laugh.
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1 ReplyEdited by xblbw: 12/29/2014 2:26:32 PMThe zoom actually gives me motion sickness. Edit: after the 2 months and all the discussion it took to patch the vanilla exotics, how is it possible to come out with no land beyond. I don't get it.
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They are gonna buff it u know that right
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LMAO. Best read of the day! Well played sir, well played!
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Lmao I agree, however I'm keeping it because I know Bungie will buff it and then everybody will be sorry they ditched it
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Please bump this post, if you think the tower should be a chat room: http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/87955265/0/0
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It would be fine if there wasn't so much -blam!-ing unnecessary sway when ADS, like it's ridiculous.
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Buff it to a chest critical to make it fair
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3 RepliesEdited by SlushyApollo48: 12/29/2014 3:27:52 PMI use it in strikes because it causes other players to drop out. And also heard it was supposed to one shot players in the crucible when it's fully upgraded
