There's a book called awkward moments for a young Christian or something similar, read it and have your eyes opened, have you ever read the bible? I mean ALL of it every testament it's pretty disturbing. The the burning of children, genocide really horrific stuff! I'm from England religion seems to die more and more every generation it is an obsolete practise and I'm glad it's on the way out I think it's destroying the planet. You sound like a nice guy but your really aurpressing life with religion, you sound like your only a half Christian though, someone who's religious because that's how you've been brought up, but open your eyes and see the real world, it's beautiful but broken, but it is honest.