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originally posted in: You're just jealous!
8/25/2013 6:15:42 PM
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[quote]1: Do you suffer from jealousy on a regular basis? 2: Have you ever acted out in a ridiculous manner due to such an emotion? 3: Have you ever dated someone who was, by your definition, EXTREMELY jealous and how did that work out for you?[/quote] 1: No. Not any more. I certainly did when I was younger. Then I recognized that my feelings of jealousy came from my own fears of loss, inadequacy or loss of control, and I faced those fears and continue to face then whenever they may come up. 2: Oh definitely. When I was younger and didn't understand the root cause of those feelings. 3: When I was younger and had those feelings, I was usually the one in the relationship who had them. It was seeing them in my partner that allowed me to come to the understanding of where those feelings (in myself) originated. They were a sort of mirror that allowed me to see it at work in them, and realize what was happening to me when I was experiencing those feelings. When you have them yourself, you are usually too involved in the feelings/reactions that you are having to even TRY to examine them. Seeing them in someone else helped me to identify the trigger(s) and reactions I was having, and then control them (better and better each time).
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  • This whole post can apply to me but I'm glad it got better.

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  • [quote] Seeing them in someone else helped me to identify the trigger(s) and reactions I was having, and then control them (better and better each time).[/quote]This absolutely applies to me.

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  • It also helps when people realize that they don't "own" someone else, and never will. That other people aren't possessions or something that you can (or should) "try to control". This is kind of similar to another topic that you made about marriage, and a question you asked about what could be (for the individual) something that "could end it". For example, I know that there are things/acts that my wife considers to be "unforgivable" and if I were to do any of them, I would be putting our marriage at risk. If I were to do something she considers unforgivable, that it wouldn't matter to her as to how, why, or any reasons I had for doing that thing. Sort of a "one strike and you're out" scenario. But for me? I can't personally think of something that would be like that. No matter what the action/thing would be, I would want to understand it before I decided how to respond/react. For her? There are some situations where she already knows (or at least she says/thinks that she knows) what her response will be.

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  • Reminds me of the studies I've seen about gender-based differences when it comes to jealousy.. Almost all were in relation to infidelity.

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