Tip 1: You never know what's going to happen (be prepared for the unexpected) Translation: Buy our shit. It may be expensive, but you need all of these items. Tip 2: It's about the Memories you Make (as well as the classes you take) Translation: School isn't the top priority here, it's about what you do in your leisure time. Tip 3: Always call top bunk Translation: You don't want to be on bottom bunk during a friends sex session Tip 4: Spring Breaks aren't just for Spring (Have gear that can hit the road now) Translation: You need technical gear at the ready 24/7, you never know when you'll skip class for a week Tip 5: Just about anything can become a cooler Translation: You need a top of the line backpack to fill with ice and alcoholic beverages. If it gets ruined, just buy a new one. Tip 6: [b]Earn Less Tardies, Get To More Parties[/b] (Remember bikers are faster) Translation: You need to buy one of our $700+ bikes to get to parties in style. Not to mention, you need a comfortable one to ride back to school in the morning with that hangover. Tip 7: Beat a thief with a lock Translation: You need a lock for that bike we just sold you. While we're advertising a $13.45 lock, that shit is weak. If you buy that one, it will be cut and your bike will be stolen, resulting in you purchasing another bike from us! Tip 8: Dorm Rooms are small, get a bike that shrinks to fit Translation: You know how your bike was just stolen? You should buy one of these folding bikes now! You can fold it up and bring it inside your dorm now that you're incredibly paranoid about your bike being stolen again Tip 9: Studying outside beats slacking inside (opt for camp chairs over desk chairs) Translation: We know you aren't really studying. If you're going to screw off, you should do it outside with friends rather than inside with pornography on your screen Tip 10: Spork Translation: You know how you can get a set of cheapo silverware for 3 bucks from Walmart? That shit is shit. Buy a $10 sport from us. It comes in handy until you lose your only spork, then you get to buy another one from us! Tip 11:Phones end up in odd places (Always have protection) Translation: Sometimes you get drunk. Sometimes other people get drunk. Sometimes drunk people push drunk people into pools. Be ready. Tip 12: Remember to capture those moments you won't remember Translation: You need a $400 GoPro Black Edition (memory sold separately) to capture all of your blackout nights. That way when you wake up with a weird rash, you'll know exactly who it came from! Tip 13: Update your status from Anywhere Translation: Take shitty instagram photos while being fully clothed in a pool. [url=http://i463.photobucket.com/albums/qq352/dmg04/Screenshot2013-07-30at12101PM_zpsc0efe379.png]Just look at this hipster ass twat.[/url] Tip 14: Classes need schedules, Adventures don't (be ready when the urge strikes) Translation: We're running out of tips and are rehashing tip number 4. '04 or bust. Tip 15: Even grass seats come with cup holders Translation: The image accompanying this tip is of shoes holding redcups full of "Delicious liquid beverages". In reality, you will get tired of wearing shoes when you're at a grassy park. Not to mention you're drunk, so your arm will get bored and wobbley. Instead of putting your plastic cup on the ground leading to the inevitability of littering, put it in your shoe! Tip 16: School's expensive. You could use the savings Translation: Buy our $20 membership (One time fee, you're a member forever) and you'll get 10% back on all of the expensive ass shit you just purchased. Oh! And we'll bombard you with coupons throughout the year to kind of help repurchase a lot of the expensive ass shit you lose and or ruin. Welcome back to school!!!