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Edited by Recon Number 54:
1/16/2013 2:45:49 PM
23
She ISN'T getting fat.
Repeat after me. She. IS. [u]NOT[/u]. Getting. Fat.
Even if she asks you with those very words. The answer is a shocked "No baby, what makes you say that? Did someone say that? Who are they? I need to kick their ass!"
Seriously. This is a trap that makes a pit full of bofu toxin dipped punji sticks and a live tiger look like a man cave with its own fridge and bathroom. DO NOT fall into this. She is not fat. She is NOT fat. She is NOT FAT. Other women? Sure, but not her.
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Bullshit. Women need to stop being so sensitive about this kind of crap. If they're getting fat and unhealthy someone needs to call them out on it. The whole "be proud of who you are despite your body size" is retarded, being fat is unnatural and unhealthy, and fat people should be ashamed and want to better themselves.
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I take the opposite approach. You know damn well she's going to accuse you of lying if you say she isn't, so you might as well have fun with it!
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I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 and a half years, and I could say just about anything short of "I just -blam!- a toddler" to her and she'd still love me. However. Whenever she asks me "Do you think I look bigger than I did a year ago?", the answer is always, [i]always[/i] a "Nope!". You have to be prepared, it could happen at any moment, and if you pause for even a nanosecond she'll pick up on it and then you're screwed. And not in the good way. How to tell a girl she's fat without saying it? Offer to work out with her. Offer to take her to vegetarian restaurants or order a salad.
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This!
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This is true if you are dating. Definitely. However, now that I've been married for a while, I'd want my husband to tell me [u]gently[/u] that I had gained some weight. I want to stay healthy and I want him to remain physically attracted to me. And without him being honest with me, I'd never know what he wanted.
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Edited by Recon Number 54: 1/16/2013 3:26:45 PM[quote]However, now that I've been married for a while, I'd want my husband to tell me [u]gently[/u] that I had gained some weight. I want to stay healthy and I want him to remain physically attracted to me. And without him being honest with me, I'd never know what he wanted.[/quote] Gentlemen, behold the second stage of the trap, used on those who have avoided the first. Yes, it SOUNDS reasonable. But it is STILL a trap. A woman knows, far sooner than when we even begin to notice anything at all, a woman knows what her weight is and was. She knows which clothes fit her, how they fit her, when they fit her and when they no longer fit her the way that they used to. ALL of that information is known to the woman LONG before a man is capable of (honestly you can to this in your head, but don't you [u]ever[/u] do it out loud) looking and saying "hmmmm, never saw that fold before". So, if you are asked the 2nd trap question, cloaked in its "I want you to be honest, I want to be healthy, I want you to be happy and attracted to me..." ignore that. The question being asked, and what you will be telling her if you do say "well, now that you mention it" will be heard as "I wasn't going to tell you earlier, but yes, you are not as smoking as you previously were". No matter how nicely you put it, no matter how you phrase it as a matter of you too being concerned for her health, well-being, or her self-image, the words coming out of your mouth are "you are getting older, you are getting fatter and.... well, you are." And no woman will happily accept that message. It WILL be the message she hears, no matter how beautifully and poetically you try to frame it. (why do I hear Bill Cosby's voice?) But that is how and what she will hear coming from your mouth.
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Edited by About 7 fish: 1/16/2013 3:53:20 PMNow this I can agree with. "Baby, am I getting fatter?" isn't asked for your opinion. It's being asked to reaffirm her hope that she isn't. Or moreover, her hope that you don't care enough to speak up about it, or maybe just flat out can't tell. If you've made it to the second phase of this trap, you can thank your lucky stars and just say "of course not, sweetie". But the only winning move is not to play in stage one.
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I just can't bring myself to agree with you, Recon. Maybe when I'm in my 40s I won't appreciate my husband's honesty as much. But I know right now, that if my husband came to me, and told me that I was porking out, I wouldn't be mad at him. I would probably be a little embarrassed that I had gained the weight, but I would appreciate him for expressing his concerns instead of being unhappy with my body and our relationship. I would rather exercise more than have him go look for younger, perkier flesh.
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[quote]if my husband came[/quote] I'm so sorry but lol.
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[quote]I just can't bring myself to agree with you, Recon. Maybe when I'm in my 40s I won't appreciate my husband's honesty as much. But I know right now, that if my husband came to me, and told me that I was porking out, I wouldn't be mad at him. I would probably be a little embarrassed that I had gained the weight, but I would appreciate him for expressing his concerns instead of being unhappy with my body and our relationship. I would rather exercise more than have him go look for younger, perkier flesh.[/quote] I can't help but notice that you didn't mention anything about how he "would pay" for telling you something that you already knew and didn't like? Maybe that does have to wait until you're in your 40's. If so, you kids enjoy it while it lasts!
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Oh he would pay alright. But probably not in the way you'd think. I do all the grocery shopping for my family. So if he asked for Doritos or other junky snack food, he wouldn't get it. He'd have to eat whatever I made (i.e. it would be healthy, nutritious food - because I would be trying to lose weight). I'd also be pestering him to exercise with me all the time.
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[quote]A woman knows, far sooner than when we even begin to notice anything at all, a woman knows what her weight is and was[/quote]mhm
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Edited by Recon Number 54: 1/16/2013 3:44:18 PM[quote][quote]A woman knows, far sooner than when we even begin to notice anything at all, a woman knows what her weight is and was[/quote]mhm[/quote] Oh crap. Is that a "I am agreeing silently with you" = mhm or is it a "I am not saying anything, but you are in trouble" = mhm Might as well dig deeper. Gentlemen, ever been puzzled by the term "bloat"? This is a few pounds, 8-40 oz of water being retained by the female body. Women are capable of knowing when they have those extra 8-40 ounces of fluid in their bodies. For us? That's a matter of eating lunch and then a snack too close together and we are not as attuned with our bodies to notice the additional fluid/material on board. Women can and do. This is a remarkable and amazing thing. The reason that I point it out is that by the time WE see something on their body, they've known about it. A long time. And there is no good way to mention what is a new discovery to you. You can comment on "I like your hair" when you first notice it (but it better be the first time that you are seeing it, not 2 days later). But noticing something about her body? If you notice, you are already too late to say anything positive.
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No, I am completely agreeing with you. A woman knows when she has gained weight. A woman knows when she's letting it get out of hand. People are always looking for an excuse or someone else to blame, rather than themselves. An excuse such as "You never told me I was getting fat!" would be absurd, right? Telling her that you think she's getting fat definitely wont solve anything. She already knows. Encouraging to live a healthy life is a different story though. If you truly feel like your partner is unhealthy, make it about both the of you.
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Whew. And this brings us to the final and most important point gentlemen. The adage may sound dated, it may sound ethic or somewhat awkward, but as gawd is my witness, it is still true. Memorize this, never say it out loud, but live by it if you want to live long and with any measure of happiness. "If Mamma ain't happy? Ain't NO body happy!" Serious. Live by that and you may get through this.
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I just got asked this last night. I was ready.
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In summary: Women are traps, don't do it unless you are prepared for the serious business that follows.
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[quote]In summary: Women are traps, don't do it unless you are prepared for the serious business that follows.[/quote] Not exactly. Women are simply incomprehensible (in many ways) to men. As we men are either incomprehensible and/or amusing to women. We each do things for reasons that (to us) make sense, but to the other, makes utterly no sense. And I kind of like it that way. It keeps things interesting, keeps us working at it, and never lets us get bored or lax. Not if we really care about the other.
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You are a very wise man Recon; thank you.
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Recons serious of posts in this thread have been golden.
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Amen. Now you're speaking the truth Recon.
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hahahahahahhaaa
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I learned this the hard way in high school lol
