[b]The Legend of Dredgen Jerry[/b] [spoiler]Cayde wasn't the only dumb one in the Destiny universe. (Failsafe called him dumb, I loved him like a fellow Gunslinger brotha.)[/spoiler] There was once a time, long ago, where a thick slug and good aim could dispense all the justice necessary to maintain a lawless frontier. It was a time when pirates, scoundrels and outlaws frolicked together and fed each other burritos of bullets. This time was full of death and sorrow; pain and loss. These were the Dark Ages. During these times, a man named Dredgen Yor terrorized every country, every planet in the system. That man was felled by his own mouth—his Last Words. Others rose in his place. They all fell. Except for one. One man, whose aim was so legendarily bad, he became known as Dredgen Twitchy Trigger Finger as a joke. He agreed to his name, mostly because a revolver was aimed at his nose. But he never forgot his name. He never forgot all he had done to get to this place. Dredgen Jerry would rise and become the most feared and loved leader humanity had even seen. Also, the weakest. He may have been able to read ludicrously fast, but his poor stature and abysmal hand-eye coordination made him a sorry sight to be reckoned with. One time, when he was visiting the European Dead Zone for a vacation trip, he was captured and held hostage by an unknown Fallen house. “So,” he spat in eliksni, “you think you have me?” His hands were chained above him to the ceiling, dangling him a foot off the ground. “[i]Ja[/i],” the Fallen Captain replied with a snarl. “Vee ave totally beaten you, [i]ja[/i].” Dredgen Jerry smiled, his goofy, lopsided, ugly smile. “Really? Then why is a Golden Gun forming in my hand right now? Hit it, Ghosty!” Jerry reached for his Light, and shouted in triumph. Always felt good when the Light— “Uh, sir?” his Ghost whispered. “You switched to Nightstalker, remember?” Jerry’s eyes widened in horror as a pathetic, purple little bow appeared in his right hand, an arrow in the other. There was no way he’d be able to fire Shadowshot in this position. The Fallen Captain cocked his head, wondering why the Traveler chose idiots like this to bear the Light. Jerry chuckled as the Dregs nearby pounded their fists and snarled in anticipation. “Easy, guys. I just had churros, like, twelve hours ago. My delicate system is still digesting the cinnamon—” The Fallen didn’t let him finish. He was dead in minutes. Eventually, after being revived several times, a mysterious Guardian finally rescued Dredgen Jerry from the Fallen party. A lone Gunslinger appeared at the outpost, his hood covering his face, his cloak shielding all of his upper body. “Release him,” he said quietly. The Fallen didn’t budge. “I heard they like Taco Bell!” Jerry shouted over to the stranger. “Maybe if you— “ The Hunter interrupted the Dredgen by hurling a set of knives at two Dregs, then shooting the other two with a gun beneath his cloak. When he finished, it seemed as though he had never moved. He flicked his wrist and fired two more knives at the chains that held Jerry, freeing him. “WHOA!” he shouted with awe. “You were AMAZING! You were like…’wapow!’ then they were like ‘AHHHHH!!’ and you were like ‘Nuh-uh.’ That was incredible!” He suddenly bowed before the Hunter. “Teach me, o wise knife thrower, sir. Your humble servant awaits.” Beneath his hood, the Hunter rolled his eyes and shot Dredgen Jerry in the brains. When his Ghost revived him, the stranger knelt down and pressed his knees against Jerry’s chest. “I’m not helping you. I’m just serving the Traveler, like you should be doing. Want my advice? Get out there and prove yourself worthy of the Light.” Jerry blinked. “Yeah, yep, I’ll DEFINITELY do that. Quick question, though…” The Hunter stood and started to walk away before summoning a Sparrow and riding off into the climatic sunset. “That…” Jerry breathed, wiping a tear from his eye, “was beautiful.” And from that day forward, the infamous Dredgen Jerry set out to prove himself to be the greatest Guardian in Guardian history. And he become the most mediocre.