Page 122 Variks stares with distant eyes across the table at the former guardian. He swallows. He won’t allow her to see how nervous he feels. Her mouth is moving, curved into a soft smile but he isn’t hearing a word she’s saying. Even when she raises her cup to her mouth, her eyes don’t leave his. Was she doing that on purpose? He blinks all four of his own eyes out of sync, hoping to detach their smoldering amber glow. There was no way. No, not with a guardian. Not with an awoken. It didn’t happen. It was a dream, he tells himself. It must have been. But no, here she was, sitting in front of him with that [i]look[/i]. She knows what’s happened and so does he. Variks tightens his grip on his drink. The exposed feeling that has been present since the other night won’t stop nagging at him. Secrets had long been important to Variks, to Judgment. Secrets bred opportunities. Secrets bred sway. Yet somehow it seemed that this awoken had managed to unravel every single secret Variks had worked so hard to carefully web over his years, in only a few short months. He feels known. He feels himself losing his grip. And it’s terrifying. “Variks...” Shadow gestures in front of his face, bringing him back to reality. “Yes?” he responds absently, out of habit. Suddenly at this untimely moment, Variks remembers. How had he not realized before now why she felt so familiar? “Your eyes-“ he blurts, to loud. Inwardly, he cringes. Ignoring her startled expression, he goes on. “They remind me of Riis’s setting suns.” The hunter is still, those eyes wandering over his face. He knows that look well. She makes a little noise, some sort of sigh. But it’s short, punctuated. She does this when she’s nervous. “Is that... a good thing?” she asks softly. Variks has to pause, considering. [i]Is[/i] it a good thing? “You feel like home,” is what comes out of his mouth. His hand inches closer to hers subconsciously. Even after all they’ve done, he feels uncertain. And he is sure she feels the same, seeing the tension in her shoulders, the way her eyes would flick downward if he looked at her the right way. The twitch in her one leg that always moved up and down when she was anxious. Knowing her so well reassures him. Knowledge is power. Knowledge creates stability. And Variks desperately needs something to cling to. Her mouth opens but no words come, and she looks down, almost shrugging. Sharp claws meet soft skin. Her hand quickly finds its place, tangling with his as he grabs it. “As do you,” she finally responds. Her eyes lock with his again. He suddenly feels warm, satisfied, and would smile if he could. She takes another swig of her drink, and promptly gags. Variks rests his mechanic arms on the table, tilting his head. “How... insulting,” he clicks in mock offense. Her laugh is like it always is. Misplaced, odd, a sound that never ceases to amuse him. “I’m sorry. It’s just not very good.” “You need something sweeter,” he interjects, raising a hand in gesture to her. “...like you.” “Like m-...” she begins in repetition, her eyes wide with surprise. He draws his hand back in slightly, unsure. Was this not good to say?, he wonders worriedly. “Variks.” He looks at her. “Was that an attempt at flirting with me?” she laughs, and this time the sound makes his stomach twist. “I... spoke poorly, forgive me.” Variks sulks. This was more difficult than others made it look. This would surely take some getting used to. “What? No, no,” she backtracks, a guilty expression across her face. Snatching his hand back from himself, she squeezes it. “You haven’t said anything wrong.” Variks blinks away the beginnings of a headache, searching for words. “I’m sorry,” she adds, seeing his doubt. For some reason he can’t bring himself to respond. Subdued, he stares down at his real hand, tugging anxiously at the frayed fabric of his robes. He silently curses himself for acting like a fumbling hatchling. “Variks.” “Yes?” His voice breaks as he looks up at her. “I know you’ve been making a lot of ...difficult ...choices lately,” she begins carefully. “I would hate to be one of your... mistakes—“ Guilt stings Variks’s chest. A mistake? He forces himself to speak out. “No, no.” Shaking his head he extends his other hand out across the table to hold hers. “Keeping you here was [i]not[/i] a mistake. Of this, I am sure.” He squeezes them gently. After losing his Kell, his adopted people, his friends. After losing his way... Variks had doubt. He had been forced to question everything. His steps had to be carefully thought out and even despite this, he always managed to stumble into less than ideal situations. But her, no. No, she couldn’t be. This awoken has been a loyal friend to him— more than that now, as he has to keep reminding himself. She is someone he has begun to turn to in times of uncertainty. She is a constant in a world forever changing. Variks stares into amber pools of fire that have always threatened to overwhelm him with their intensity. A burning thirst that he has never quenched, until now. He finally allows himself to bask in all its glory. To feel, everything. These were the eyes of a hunter, a former guardian, a daughter of Light, of the Great Machine. Variks always thought the closest you could get to another person was to know their strengths and weaknesses. Hundreds of years of tactical, careful conversation left him with this idea. Always looking over a shoulder. Making himself inoffensive and small. Survival. To now be able to share his thoughts openly with someone, without fear, was, to say the least, a change of pace. His chest swells with emotion he didn’t know he could feel until this. Until her. Shadow looks back at him with undisguised affection and admiration. The feeling that she was reading his mind unsettles him, and he eventually has to pull his eyes away from her. “Then trust me.” Her command surprises him. Simply staring, he waits for her to go on. She rests her arms on the table, leans in. “I know you’ve lived like this for a long time. And I’m not asking you to change. But I’m telling you, you can trust me.” Her beseeching gaze bores into his own. He can feel her sincerity, her desperation, her love. “I hope I can continue to prove that to you, and that with time, you won’t feel like you have to hide anything from me anymore. You don’t have to be so secretive. You know I’ll support you in your decisions. I respect you. My ghost crushed, and my bones to dust before I ever betray you or your people.” “I ...trust you,” Variks croaks, throat tight with emotion. He raises an ever so slightly shaking hand to drink, feeling dazed. She copies him in tense silence. “...Do you remember the Osiris cultists in the reef?” he chitters as he recollects himself. She nods. Variks interlocks his mechanic hands beneath his chin. “You sometimes remind me of them, but for eliksni. For me.” Shadow offers an awkward half smile, but he sees her wilt under the observation. Had he once again misplaced his words? “I mean this well, of course,” he burbles quickly, leaning towards her. “They were some of Variks’s favorite people, yes?” She drinks again, long and slow, and this time does not choke. “What I mean to say,” he goes on, frustrated with himself. “Is you are very devoted to us... [i]I[/i] was your cause.” She sets down her drink, listening intently. “You came to us because of... me. And so, I am responsible for your,” he croaks. “safety. I am responsible for... you.” He tightens his grip on her hand. His earlier uncertainty fades as he allows the weight of his words to really sink in. She trusted him. She has given everything to be here, with him. How could he betray that trust? “I understand what you mean...” Something hard around her eyes. Her own hands tighten around his real ones. “But please, don’t haul another burden onto your shoulders.” Variks can sense her exhaustion, and is not surprised when she stands. She keeps one hand on his, and he holds it as he follows her. She leaves no room for argument, and so Variks does not answer. There was no fighting her where his well-being was concerned. Instead of turning around, she faces him, grasping both of his hands and looking up into his eyes. Variks looks down on her fondly, content with her presence. Would she say more? “I also have responsibilities. To protect you. To aid your cause—“ “[i]Our[/i] cause,” he corrects her softly, raising a hand to her face. He pauses, feeling her warm, ivory skin. “Of course... your burdens are no longer yours to bear alone.” Variks stares into her eyes as she raises her hands to grasp his mandibles, pulling him closer. The eliksni complies, leaning forward until his forehead is rested against hers. “Neither are yours,” he burbles, feeling her soft black hair between his claws.