Let me start off by saying I am literally at my limit right now. I'm shaking and am having trouble focusing my eyes as I write. So I really can't handle any useless comments like "get gud" from people who would rather berate than help someone. Let me lay this out there. I'm not a PvP player. Actually, let's make this absolutely clear. I hate PvP. I despise it with a seething passion. I just don't get any enjoyment out of it. So you can imagine how much I can't stand the Crucible. That would be bad enough if it wasn't for the fact that I am terrible at it. I have tried. I have really tried, but I'm pushing 40 and I'm just not as fast or able to react the way used to when I was a kid/teenager. And because of that, I'm losing match after match after match. Do you have any idea how soul destroying it is constantly lose so consistently. And for what? For a gun! One friggen gun! A gun I need for a build I'm working on for PvE… I'm a PvE player. I just vastly prefer to play cooperatively with people. That's what I enjoy about Destiny 2. But I've been trying my best to get the Recluse that I plan to use in a Voidwalker build I'm working on, but I just can't win consistently enough to get the "Fabled" rank I need to complete the quest. As much as I hate it, I could grind out the wins (very slowly) through the Iron Banner. It'll take a life age for me given my win/LOSS record (emphasis on the LOSS), but at least it's achievable. But I can't do the Glory rank part of it. I'm just not good enough. I'm not fast enough. And it's stressing me out to no end. Add to that, as much as I hate Crucible, I hate letting my teammates down even more. I just want this over with, but I need that gun. I don't know what to do. I suck at it. I don't have an "active" clan to get help from. And after several attempts of begging at the tower, I've been unable to get ANYONE to help or even be willing to help me. I haven't even completed a single Nightfall nor Raid because I never have anyone to play with. So I literally feel like I'm at a dead end. Bungie, I'm begging you. Is there ANYTHING you can do. Is there any possible way to earn this gun other than Crucible. The thought of going back into another Survival match is actually making my hands shake again. I just want this over with so I can go back into wider Destiny universe. I simply can't do this one on my own. I don't have it in me, because I'm NOT a PvP player. Any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated.