JavaScript is required to use Bungie.net

OffTopic

Surf a Flood of random discussion.
Edited by The First Aifos: 1/25/2020 9:23:35 PM
5

The Days Before the Fall (Part 1)

Every day was always the same for Sybil. She would wake up, head to the gatherer's nest, and then fly back and forth as quickly as her little wings could take her, plucking berries from whatever bush she was told to go to, then bring them back and plop them in a basket. Once that bush was picked clean, she'd get told to go to another bush, so on and so forth until the day was up, where she would then come home, relax, and go to bed, only for the cycle to start all over again. Sybil was a gatherer. That was her job. She had been told more times than she could count "Sybil, your job is one of the most important in the entire Grove. Without you and the other gatherers, we'd all starve.", and if you'd asked her if she liked her job, she would tell you "Yes, definitely!", and it was true, she did love it; she loved flying as fast as she could back and forth between the bushes, and she loved to explore the forest (although 'explore' might not be the best term for flying along a set route). Still, there was a monotony to it all. Every day was always the same, and it began to wear her down. Of course, the snowy season was coming in soon, and after the first snow falls nobody goes outside the Grove, not even the gatherers, or scouts. That meant, she got a good few months off to laze around and relax, and maybe some time off was all she needed, then she'd be right up and back at it. That's what everyone told her, anyway, but she didn't quite buy it. After all, Sybil hated the snowy season. She hated not having anything to do; if it weren't for the fact her wings would freeze out there in the cold, she would probably insist on working all the way through the year. She finished tying up her blonde hair into a ponytail, and stood up off the small mushroom she used for a chair. None of her complaints really mattered. No matter what she thought about her life, and her job, she still had to get up and go to work. Without her the entire Grove would starve, after all. So with a quick flutter of her small fly-like wings, and a long stretch, she began to walk towards the door. "Sybil!" A voice yelled from outside as she reached for the doorknob. "Get up ya lazywings, you're gonna be late!" "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Sybil said throwing open the door, and taking off into the air, joining the flock of other faeries on their way to the gatherer's nest. From here, she could see the entire Grove; a (relatively) huge city, constructed in and around a gigantic tree, whose canopy acted as a thick blanket that covered the village. Most of the buildings that weren't carved out of part of the tree were built of surprisingly durable leaves and sticks, though a few of the larger ones were carved out of fallen tree trunks--although nobody actually remembered there ever being any other trees besides the central one--or in one special case on the far side of the villa, built out of large stones. Sybil, and the other gatherers, were heading for a very particular building that was found just beyond the canopy, and the curtain where the leaves hung down. Right on the other side of that veil was a small burrow, dug into the stony walls of the cave, where the various faeries in charge of gathering up food for the Grove met up every day. It didn't take long to reach it. Once she did, Sybil landed on the ground, and walked in a single file line through the thin wooden door that covered the burrow, as another faerie stood just outside of it, marking each gatherer's attendance on a small clay tablet, as they entered. She was dressed rather differently from the mostly leaf-made clothing of the gatherers entering; plates of armor, that looked to be made out of the shell of some sort of nut, and a bright blue belt wrapped around her waist, that trailed all the way to the ground. She chuckled when Sybil walked by. "What?" Sybil asked. "Is something wrong?" "No." The other faerie said, brushing her short red hair out of her face. "I just remember when you would be at the front of this line. You're always near the back these days." Sybil didn't respond, instead just shuffling her way into the burrow. She already had enough people telling her about her increasing lack of work ethic, she didn't need to start getting a lecture from the scouts, too. Inside was a large opening, and on the far side of the room was a wooden plank parallel to the floor, making a sort of stage, which sat in front of a large map that was posted on the wall. Sybil, like the other gatherers, took a seat on the floor. Aside from them, there were four faeries dressed like the one outside standing guard next to the map, each one with a thin, sharp wooden stick in their hands. They weren't the important ones, though. That honor went to the two standing in front of the map, looking it over. The first was Captain Layla, leader of the scouts. She was dressed in a similar armor to that of her lessers, though unlike them she also wore a bright yellow scarf around her neck, and kept her left arm wrapped up in a blade of grass. She had long black hair, and brown eyes, and Sybil couldn't help but be inspired by her confident stature alone, every time she came in. The other one was, admittedly, not nearly as impressive, though that might be a bit unfair to say, since she always inevitably gets compared to the person next to her. She was the Head Gatherer Jaqueline, or Jackie as most of the other gatherers called her. She was bigger, and wore a leaf-made dress like the rest of them, always had her brown hair undone, and falling all over the place. This was the part where they were supposed to be sitting quietly, while Layla and Jackie made their last minute preparations, and the gatherers running late got a little bit of time to catch up, but of course, it never was actually quiet, and instead the whole room was filled with chatter. But not with Sybil, who sat silently near the wall, a little distance away from the other faeries. When the guard from outside stepped in, she noticed Sybil, quietly sitting all alone, and decided to walk over, and sit next to her. "You excited for the snowy season?" She asked. "Not really." Sybil said. "Well, that makes two of us! You're lucky you get the time off, though. My job after the snow falls goes from flying through the forest to flying in circles around the Grove. Not fun." She laughed, and then held out her hand. "Name's Tori. Nice to meet'cha." "Sybil." Sybil said, shaking Tori's hand. "Oh, I already know your name. Been checking you in at that door for a few years, now! It's one of my jobs to know every face and name in this room!" "Every single one!?" "Every single one!" "How do you-?" "Attention!" Jackie called out from the stage, walking up to the edge of it, while Layla retreated to the back. "The wonderful Captain Layla, Heard of the Guard, and esteemed leader of our wonderful scouts..." Tori nudged Sybil with a smile. "You'd think she'd get sick of giving that introduction every single day." Sybil quietly laughed. "...has found us three routes to pick berries from today!" Jackie continued. "If you'll look over here at our map, Captain Layla will go over the plan!" "Thank you, Jaqueline." Layla said, stepping up to the map. "Alright, listen up! Starting here from the Grove," She pointed. "you will all head in this direction until you reach the berry bush here. We'll pick it dry, and then reroute this way to right here. And finally, once that bush is clean, too, we'll head in this direction to the final bush right here, and then call it a day. The scouts have all laid out markers for you to follow, and will be patrolling the routes alongside you! Do not stray beyond the markers, just pick the berries, and just outside the Grove we will have baskets set up for you to drop them in, understood!?" "Yes, Captain Layla!" The room said collectively. "Alright. Move out!" "Time to get to work, eh?" Tori said, pulling herself up using her stick, and then offering Sybil a hand up, too. "See ya out there!" Tori fluttered over to the stage, where she and the other scouts pulled open a hidden door, that was blocked by a huge rock connected to some twine. They flew out first, along with Captain Layla, and then the gatherers followed out after them, while Jackie wished them all good luck.

Posting in language:

 

Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

  • wow!! this is really cool💕💕

    Posting in language:

     

    Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

    2 Replies
    • I really enjoyed this opening chapter, but there was one sentence in the 6th chapter that was a bit confusing. You say that the grove is a (relatively) huge city, but, in that same sentence, you describe it as a village. I might be reading this part wrong, but it seems like you contradict yourself on the actual size of the city/village. I thought everything else was good; i am curious to see what comes next.

      Posting in language:

       

      Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

      3 Replies
      • I won't lie, until the fifth paragraph I thought this was about bees... lol. The story's good! You're clearly talented when it comes to worldbuilding and introducing characters and settings. Although I did feel the writing here wasn't as good as you normally write. Quite a few sentences were clunky and too long. In some cases this can easily be fixed by turning one sentence into two, in other cases it will be more challenging as they use too many words. The rule I always follow is: if you can make a sentence shorter, without changing its meaning or impact, you usually should. Mostly I enjoyed it though, and it was easy to read. That's a good thing - especially for genre fiction.

        Posting in language:

         

        Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

        6 Replies
        • Bamp It's a different pace than what OT has atm, and I like it.

          Posting in language:

           

          Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

          1 Reply
          • Bump! [spoiler]oh wow. This is great![/spoiler]

            Posting in language:

             

            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

            3 Replies
            You are not allowed to view this content.
            ;
            preload icon
            preload icon
            preload icon