It’s not possible to merge accounts.
You’ll be choosing one account to be the characters you use on all connected consoles.
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Super lame
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This is correct. Cross save is intended for you to PERMANENTLY choose one platforms set of characters to use across all platforms. Once you select which set to use, alli others become unplayable until you turn off cross save. Once turned off it can only be turned back on again on 90 days (there's a lock, so you don't jump between characters)