[quote][quote]Nevermind, I’m probably going to leave the stories to others[/quote][/quote] Don't let one bad draft stop you from writing stories. All first drafts are bad. The only thing that matters is that you know how to improve it with future drafts.

You won’t find good advice here.

All right, but first understand, you have a good rough draft in that story, it just needs to be fleshed out. You need to use "I" less in that first paragraph. Anytime you are in a paragraph or a page and have to use I, we or the character name a lot, figure out how to use it less. This also applies to certain words. Under the spoilers are 2 examples, one is basic and one is expanded upon my point of using less [spoiler][i]As I entered the room, making sure to do a quick sweep, I accidentally kicked the black bottle on the floor. I knew this alerted the men in the other room, but what was I to do now, other then retreat or proceed to kill them all.[/i][/spoiler] [spoiler][u]As I entered the dark room, slowly sweeping from left to right, my silenced Sig M400 leading the way, there came a noise from the floor by my right foot. Oh hell, I had just kicked a black bottle that had gone unnoticed. There was nothing for it now, but to charge forward, as the noises from the other room indicated that my presence had alerted the guards. Looks like I've got some death to do.[/u][/spoiler] Also, be a bit more descriptive. You have to find that balance between not enough detail and too much detail. At first, I thought the encampment was a bunch of tents with some old hacienda wall around it. Then suddenly you are going up the stairs. Next you just knew where the huge fuel tank was. That scene, it required more details. Those details are what set you up for your next move. If you want something to have been a surprise, then you could have done something like this; [i]After killing the guard, I knew this mission had become fubar'ed. Lightly touching my throat mic, I told Mark, "Bro, this is about to be a firefight. I need options!" "I got your 6, so no worries. Give me a second. Ok, brother, if you can, try to maneuver them where they are between you and the South wall. There is a propane tank there and I am going to put a phosphorus sniper round through it at your signal. I will also try to keep anyone from entering the building behind you."[/i] I always try to write out my story first, then come back and flesh out the details. Getting the basics down, that allows you to come back and expand in a less hectic way. That just sounds odd, but it is how it works for me.

Detail and planning. Make sure you have outlined the entire story beforehand full of characters, developments, twists, and ending. Then write it. Read some good books if you want to see how others have carried their stories and strung the words together. Make the antagonist interesting as well as the protagonist. Make them have compelling stories throughout the book. Set up side characters to make them interesting and make us care about them. Let them all be unique, not different people acting like you. Do not write yourself into all of the characters. Do it for maybe one, but make everyone speak and act in their own way.

It's a good start. I've got two tips for you right now. 1. Use a few sentences to just describe the setting. [spoiler]It was a cold and miserable night. The clouds blocked the moon and the rain was coming down in sheets.[/spoiler] 2. Make sure to establish why the characters are there, make sure [i]you[/i] know their flaws. I'd go as far as to detail everything that could affect their decisions. I think your off to a good start, best of luck to ya! [spoiler]bonus tip : use military jargon, it'll give it an aire of authenticity.[/spoiler]

Write with your heart

The only way to be a better writer is to read more books.

Not a lot you can do without multiple posts, as it’s hard to fit character development into xyz amt. of words

A lot of the people sound the same, probably because there isn’t any character building around them. Giving characters a sort of attitude or personality helps immensely with dialogue-driven stories.

Me too. Still looking into raptor lore...