*Note to Lee and Toaster, this is a parody that the citizens of OffTopic told me to do. Everything in her is to be taken as a joke* (Scene takes place in bar in the middle of Tucson, where nothing but tumbleweeds and rattlesnakes run ramped amongst the tired residents. In the dry and quiet bar, Toaster is sitting in front of the counter drinking tequila shots. Scene starts...) Toaster: One more shot bartender, I think I'll be staying here longer than I expected Bartender: *bartender looks up* Oh, and why is that? Toaster: *shrugs* I've been having a rough couple of days ever since I left my family. I had to leave everyone behind for a better life, but I don't know how to start. Ever since my uncle shot the dog last week in a drunken rage, I've been trying to cope with the pain. Unfortunately, life's a cruel and unfair mistress due to the fact that I got zero money and no job here. Bartender: *looks at Toaster sympathetically* You know what, here's another shot, its on me Toaster: *looks up with a weak smile* Thanks Indeed, Toaster's life was a mess. From family problems to her search of love, Toaster was in the darkest time of her life. With no guidance, no advice, no warning, she wandered the country looking for answers. Fortunately for him, things took a turn for the better... Toaster: *in drunken manner* No sir, if the tomato IS A FRUIT, than a bottle of ketchup would be considered a SMOOTHIE! Bartender: I'm sorry maam but your scaring away all of my customers away, so get the hell out or else I'll call the c... (Someone opens the bar doors in a dramatic fashion.) Lee: Hey are you guys still open Toaster: *slowly turns around to face Lee* Ahh, so this is my next challenger huh? *burps* I'll have you know I've won over three matches of Wii bo... *collapses on floor* (As Toaster fell on the floor with a loud thump, Lee looks up with shock at the bartender) Lee: What the hell happened? Bartender: *looks at Lee in with an agitated look* Hey do you know her? Lee: *looks confused* Hell no! I was just here for the free Jalapeno poppers! Bartender: *looks around* Well looks like she's your problem now. I don't want the cops to come interfere in here again, especially after what happened yesterday with the waitress and the broomst... Lee: *shrivels in disgusts* Too much info my dude! Look, how about I'll just take her to my apartment. That way, she doesn't get arrested and you don't have to worry about... your stuff Bartender: *looks up with suspicion* Isn't that a little, I don't know, weird? Lee: *chuckles* Don't worry sir, she'll be fine with me (Scene cuts to Lee picking up Toaster from the floor and carrying her into the backseat of his Honda Civic. Several minutes later, Lee arrives at his apartment carrying Toaster with him. Lee then puts her onto the couch. Several hours later, Toaster wakes up to the smells of cinnamon.) Toaster: *groans* Hey.. where am I? Lee: *calls from kitchen* Oh, you finally woke up! I'd made you some tea! Toaster: *screams in confusion* What the hell, how did I get here? Where am I?! Get me out of here! Lee: *runs in room* Hey hey hey! I didn't do anything! I just found you drunk and lying on the floor! Toaster: *looks sternly* I don't remember that at all Lee: *chuckles and says in sarcastic manner* Yeah, I wonder why Toaster: *looks into Lee's eyes* Well, thank your for your... hospitality, but I got to leave, thanks (Toaster then starts to get up from the couch, but Lee runs up to her) Lee: You're going to leave even without taking a little sip from your tea? Toaster: No thank you sir, now please I'll best be on my way now (Toaster opens the door only to be greeted with loud thunder and lightning. In the distance, she can hear car sirens sound everywhere and a bunch of dogs wailing along with the lightning.) Toaster: *stares into the dark night sky with disappointment* You got to be fücking kidding me Lee: *holds up green tea* Well then, *sips tea* I guess you'll have to stay her for the night Toaster: *shrivels in disgust* Ugh, alright then (Toaster closes the door) Lee: Alright then, would you like to watch some movies or no? *checks compartment* All I got is Forrest Gump and something related with furries Toaster: *sits back on couch* I'm not in the mood for a movie at the moment. Lee: Well, *eyes brighten up* I have an idea! Toaster: Well what is it Lee: Since we haven't formally introduced ourselves, I think its about time we should do it properly *extends hand towards Toaster* hello! my name is Lee, Lee the Sheriff; what is your name? Toaster: *shakes Lee's hand* Toaster, toaster is my name Lee: Well Toaster, your always welcome in my humble abode! Toaster: Well alright then (Next scene takes place in the kitchen where they played multiple card games. They both laughed through the whole night. They exchanged their funniest stories and saddest times. Turns out, Lee committed tax fraud in the state of Illinois and was on the run from the police who put a $10,000 bounty on his head. Toaster also shared her side of the story, stating that her family was hostile and overprotective of everything. The next scene takes place on the bed, where they start talking about their future) Toaster: To be honest, I just want to get out of here, out of all of this mess Lee: *turns on his side towards her* Well, I guess that's another thing in common Toaster: I'd just wish there was someway out of this you know? A way that would allow the both of us to live our lives to the fullest without worry or discrimination. Lee: *leans close to Toaster* Who says that future isn't possible (Lee and Toaster are inches away from each other, each glaring at each others eyes with burning passion. Toaster then slowly leans into Lee and pulls him by his shirt close to her. In her embrace, the two were kissing with a passion that was never seen before. Toaster slowly started to take Lee's button down shirt off, starting from the top and slowly going towards the bottom. Under the shirt layed Lee's secret six pack, which just made Toaster kiss even more passionately. Lee then started to unbuckle his paints, zipper first then paints. Then, laying in his boxers, he leaped on top of Toaster and whispered into her ear...) Lee: [spoiler]They don't call me the sharpshooter for nothing[/spoiler]