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Edited by indigo_rhodes: 5/16/2019 2:06:42 AM
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Favorite Copypasta?

This is self explanatory, just post your favorite copypasta(s) here. Here’s a few of mine: [spoiler] We start with Mr. Krabs, who is obviously the Bourgeois business owner who ruthlessly exploits Squidward and Spongebob. There is no question about this, it is repeatedly demonstrated that Mr. Krabs is a cruel boss, pathetically obsessed with money even at the expense of his own health (“Squid's Day Off”). He has attempted to charge his workers for breathing (“Squid on Strike”), forced them to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (“Graveyard Shift”) and even traded Spongebob's soul for a measly 62 cents (“Born Again Krabs”). His continual protection of the Krabby Patty Secret Formula from Plankton, in which he enlists the involuntary help of Spongebob (who sees it as a valiant quest to protect the honor of the Krusty Krab) and Squidward (who is just in it for the paycheck), is nothing more than a cheap quest to protect the profit margin of the Krabby Patty, which he likely sells for more than it is worth. There are two ways his workers can react to this awful situation, and Spongebob and Squidward each represent one of them. Squidward is the class-conscious worker. He is fully aware of his miserable situation under the thumb of Mr. Krabs, thus resulting in his depressed and irritable attitude. He is clearly no stranger to Marxist ideas, being the only one of the two to quit due to Krabs' abuse (“Can You Spare a Dime?”) and starting a strike against Mr. Krabs (“Squid on Strike”). He finds solace in art, and dreams of living in a utopian Fully Automated Luxury Communism, relaxing while making his art and sharing it with the world. It was Oscar Wilde, after all, who argued in The Soul of Man Under Socialism that only when their needs are fully accounted for can the artist truly hone their creative genius. He is continually disappointed with his fellow proletarians, the denizens of Bikini Bottom, most of all Spongebob. If one thinks about it, Squidward really has no apparent reason to hate Spongebob. Spongebob is incredibly kind to Squidward, giving him gifts, saying good morning to him every day, altogether just trying to bring joy into Squidward's life. We are led to believe that Squidward is simply a curmudgeon who hates Spongebob for being happy while he is depressed. But is that really as deep as it goes? I think not. Once one realizes the Marxist undertones in Spongebob, the answer is clear: Squidward resents Spongebob because he is not class-conscious. Despite his miserable working conditions, despite his boss's abusive behavior, Spongebob remains relentlessly optimistic. A classic case of the unconscious worker. He is cheerful and optimistic about his condition because he is unaware of anything beyond it. He has a Stockholm Syndrome-esque relationship with his boss, seeing him as a father figure (a classic symptom of blind obedience to authority) and enduring humiliating treatment because he holds on to the promise of one day owning the Krusty Krab, thus taking Krabs' place as the new Bourgeois. Given that he does not even know what a Strike is (“Squid on Strike”) it is clear that he has never been exposed to the Marxist critique. In this context, Squidward represents the ill fate of the worker who does not respect his fellow worker. His attempt at revolution fails because he does not respect Spongebob, and simply tried to use him as a pawn for his own ends. But I digress. Patrick represents what Marx called the Lumpenproletariat. Unemployed, he is left out of the class struggle, and even if he were involved in it would be too stupid to do anything, as symbolized in his attempt at employment in “Big Pink Loser”. However his value to Squidward, the class-conscious worker who hopes for revolution, is underrated. Marxists from Bakunin onward have criticized Marx's rejection of the lumpenproletariat, and Stephen Hillenburg is no exception. Patrick clearly has the socialist spirit in him, recognizing the value of idleness and enjoying life's simple pleasures. Patrick never seeks after money or power as the Bourgeois expects him to, he simply wants to live out his life in peace. He values friendship over all things; he once admitted to spending all day waiting for his best friend, Spongebob, to come back (“New Student Starfish”). Could this represent how industrial work gets in the way of social bonds? Possibly. The point, my friend, is that Patrick in his idle lumpen state has captured the same optimism and joie de vivre of Spongebob. It could be said that the only difference between him and Spongebob is that Spongebob has subsumed to industrial work. In this way, he is the proletarian who is conscious of Socialist ideas without even knowing it. Sandy and Plankton represent two possibilities of the future in Marxist analysis. Both of them are clearly college-educated scientists whose approach to technology differs based on their position towards Capitalism. Plankton represents the dystopian Capitalist future, the future of Cyberspace where companies like the Chum Bucket control society (remember that Plankton's expressed goal is to “take over the world”). He represents a cold, distant, inhuman, industrial future, as symbolized by the cold metal interior of the Chum Bucket. Sandy, on the other hand, seems as well-versed in technology as Plankton, but has used it for a completely different purpose. She has created the treedome, an ecological, self-sustaining utopia in which she has everything she needs. She built a rocket to the moon for the sole purpose of exploration (“Sandy's Rocket”). She pursues science out of pure wonder and a desire for the fulfillment of knowledge, unlike Plankton who pursues science out of a desire for domination and control. She represents Fully Automated Luxury Communism, a utopia in which everyone has everything they need and are free to pursue their passions without the burden of work. Finally, we have Mrs. Puff. Mrs. Puff was a hard one, but I think she represents the failure and uselessness of modern education. She continually attempts to teach Spongebob a useless skill (he walks to work, he doesn't need to drive) for a pathetic trinket of authority (his driver's license, whose possibility of attainment he worships).[/spoiler] [spoiler] What the -blam!- did you just -blam!-ing say about me, you little -blam!-? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Big Top Circus, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on congress, and I have over 300 confirmed balloon kills. I am trained in juggler warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire USA Clown Industry. You are nothing to me but just another balloon. I will wipe you the -blam!- out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my -blam!-ing words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me in the stands? Think again, -blam!-er. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of clowns across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re -blam!-ing dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my big ass clown shoes. Not only am I extensively trained in fist to fist combat, but I have access to an extensive backlog of magic tricks and tomfoolery and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your -blam!-ing tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit my repressed clown fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re -blam!-ing dead, kiddo. Honk[/spoiler]

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  • [spoiler] What I like about Grape Nuts is that there are no gimmicks. There’s no cartoon bird prancing about on the box cover, there’s no commercial with Barney and Fred getting in fist fights over a bowl of Grape Nuts, you get a box full of cereal and that’s it. It’s not even a big box filled with air and prizes, it’s just a pound of wheat and barley with a picture on the front. What I have here is living proof that Grape Nuts is truly life changing. A four pound box of Grape Nuts, in all it’s glory. Any other box of cereal this size would weigh half as much, which makes them half as good. There’s something to be said about a cereal with the same density as sand. Just holding the box gives you a sense of power like holding a baseball bat or a meat cleaver. There is some serious loft to this cereal. I could kill a man if I had to with this and I’m not even joking. Another thing I like about Grape Nuts is that it sinks right to the bottom of the bowl. There’s nothing glamorous about it, no lame snaps or crackles, no different colors, no marshmallows, just a pile of food sitting at the bottom of a bowl of milk. Eating the food is an adventure within itself. Bite too soft and you aren’t gonna break a one. Bite too hard and you might chip a tooth. It really is a wild man’s cereal. I’m not even going to talk about the taste of Grape Nuts, because there isn’t any. If there wasn’t milk you would swear that you were eating gravel, the only different being that gravel might soften up a bit. The very best part of Grape Nuts is after the whole eating experience. If you’ve ever accidentally swallowed a rock you know what it’s like to eat a bowl of Grape Nuts. The feeling of it sitting in the bottom of your stomach is a reminder for the rest of the day that you actually ate the stuff, rewarding you long long after you take the last bite. [/spoiler] [spoiler] Own a musket for home defense, since that’s what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. “What the devil?” As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he’s dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it’s smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, “Tally -blam!- lads” the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended. [/spoiler] [spoiler] The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal bodeboop. A sing lap should be completed every time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark. Get ready!… Start. ding [/spoiler]

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