Ronin was a student at the Ishtar Academy on Venus. But he was always...different. While the rest of the students studied their subjects and investigated the ancient ruins, Ronin was listening to certain transmissions that he heard from space. It was a series of clicks that he could not understand. When he told his professors, they waved him aside and told him to forget about it.
But he kept trying to research it, trying to figure out what was making it and what it meant. But he never could find out what it was. What it meant. Until one fateful day.
Without warning, alien ships filled the sky and touched down on the ground. Creatures later known to be Fallen invaded the academy, and Ronin finally knew what made those transmissions. He looked around in panic for a weapon. He saw a small knife in arms reach. As he grabbed it, he also noticed a staff sitting in the corner. He grabbed that as well before running out. He saw a girl a little younger than he was running away from a few dregs. Ronin came in from the side and stabbed a drag in the chest. It cried in pain as it dropped to the ground. But Ronin didnt have time to grab the knife before the next drag was upon him.
[i]This is the end of part 1 of Ronins origin. It will be one of two origin stories. I dont want it going too long so I'll cut it here. If you have any opinions or constructive criticism, I'll be happy to accept it. Any hate will be ignored.[/i]
Link to next part:
https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/251505306/0/0
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2 RepliesEdited by Grays_KS27: 4/3/2019 11:51:53 AMMay I add this to my [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/245771343/0/0]Archive[/url]? [spoiler]The Archive is a collection of posts on Destiny Companion. They contain an alphabetical list of writers in the Destiny community and links to their stories. Basically, with your permission, I put your name in with a link to your story. You get all the credit, and everyone has easy access to your story at all times. To find out more about the Archive, follow the link above (click the yellow word “Archive”).[/spoiler] You did a good job with this. I would have liked it more if it were more detailed. The way you wrote it is almost like someone is summarizing the story, taking out the juicy details and leaving it as a simple explanation. Again, you did it very well, but detail would make it more exciting to read. I would also like to make a lore correction. This is a fanfic, and you may have already known this lore, so there’s nothing wrong if you leave it how it is. Writer’s choice. It’s your story, and lore accuracy isn’t important. The Fallen didn’t show up until [i]after[/i] the Collapse, during the Dark Ages. Before the Collapse, the Vex were the only enemies in the system (the Vex were on Venus, and their conflict with Humanity began before the Collapse happened).
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1 ReplyWell done on the story, let me know on more posts on the story.
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I like it. The one thing that I think you can do better is describe the actions, settings, and characters with more detail. Also, like Kseth mentioned already, the Fallen didn’t arrive until after the Collapse (but it’s your story, so throw lore out the window if you so choose).
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3 RepliesWell written and a good read. Well done my friend