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Edited by Tsukuyomi Zero: 5/23/2016 2:06:41 PM
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Bungie's Heresy /Satire - new segements

Supreme Commander Bungie: "There was only one Game." Mythic: "One? Are you sure?" Supreme Commander Bungie: "Yes. They called it the Destiny." Legend: "Why was it not destroyed, with the rest of the failures?" Supreme Commander Bungie: "It fled, as we set fire to them." Supreme Commander Bungie: "But I followed with all the ships in my command." Mythic: "When you first saw Destiny, were you blinded by its majesty?" Supreme Bungie: "Blinded?" Mythic: "Paralyzed? Dumbstruck?" Supreme Commander Bungie: "No..." Fans: (angrily) "Yet the filth were able to evade your ships, land on the Sacred Community, and desecrate it with its filthy presence!" Supreme Commander Bungie: "Noble Hierarchs, surely you understand that once the Acitivision attacked-" The Intrepid Heroic members mutter angrily. Bungie looks around at them. Legend: "There will be order in this Community!" Mythic: "You were right to focus your attention on Activision. But this Demon, this Marty...'" Supreme Commander Bungie: "By the time I learned the Demon's intent, there was nothing I could do." The Mythic Elders stand up and yell angrily. Honourable Members glance and mutter to each other. Master Ninja Recon, standing nearby with arms crossed, chuckles audiably to himself. Fans: (whispering to each other) "Noble Mythic, this has gone on long enough. Make an example of this bungler. The Community demands it!" Mythic holds up a hand, silencing Legend. Mythic: (to Bungie) "You are one of our most treasured instruments. Long have you led your Industry with honor and distinction. But your inability to safeguard Destiny was a colossal failure." Upset Fan: (Stands up and shows a fist) "Nay, it was heresy!" The Community yell. Bungie looks back and forth between them. Supreme Commander Bungie: "I will continue my campaign of Developing Games!" Mythic Fan: "No, you will not." Mythic glances at Recon, and the Master Ninja barks a command. Two Ninjas approach Bungie and try to grab them, but they shakes them off and they start walking. They escort them out. Mythic: "Soon, the Great Journey shall begin. But when it does, the weight of your heresy will stay your feet, and you shall be left behind." [u] [b]Another[/b] [/u]Cortana: The message just repeats: Destiny, Destiny, Destiny. Keyes: Catchy. Any idea what it means? Johnson: Dear humanity, we regret Destiny being a failure, we regret bringing it to the Community, and we most definitely regret the Fans just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet! Pilots: Hoorah! Cortana: Destiny is a game, Sergeant. The failure is one of the Bungie's most sacred mistakes. it's on that carrier, and it's calling for help. Spotter: Immediate: grid kilo-two-three is hot. Recommend aborting Destiny. Pilot: Roger recon. It's your call Sarge. Johnson: We're going in. Get tactical Marines! Hood: Master Chief? Get aboard that carrier secure the Destiny. This is the only game Bungie ruined, Destiny is going to tell us why. [b][u]Another[/u][/b] There are two Ninjas half dragging Bungie along. Ninja 1: How much further must we heft this baggage? Any cell will do. Why not toss him in with this lot? [Gestures torwards a cell full of jackals] They could use the meat. Ninja 2: Them? What about us? My belly aches. And his flesh is seared just the way I like it. Recon: Quiet! You two whimper like noobs fresh off the teat. He's not meant for the jails. The WortArchs have something special in mind. Recon: Noble Prophets of Truth and Mercy, I have brought the incompetent. Mythic: You may leave Recon. Recon: But I thought- Mythic: And take your Ninjas with you. Recon: Release the prisoner. Mythic: The Community decided to have you hanged by your entrails and your corpse paraded through the city. But ultimately the terms of your execution are up to me. Bungie: I am already dead. Mythic: Indeed. Do you know where we are? Bungie: The Masoleum of the Failed Developers. Mythic: Quite so. Here rests the vanguard of the Great Journey. Every Failed Dev from first to last. Each created and consumed in times of extraordinary crisis. Legend: The Taming of the Gears of War fans, the Noob Rebellion-were it not for the Failed Devs, the Community would have broken long ago! Bungie: Even on my knees I do not belong in their presence. Mythic: Destiny's creation was you error, and you rightly bear the blame. But the Community was...overzealous. We know you are no heretic. This is the true face of heresy. One who would subvert our faith and encite rebellion against the High Council. 343 Industries: Our Community is false! Open your eyes my brothers! They would use the faith of good Halo games to bring ruin to us all. The Great Journey is- Mythic: This heretic and those who follow him must be silenced. Legend: Their slander offends all who walk the path. Bungie: What use am I? I can no longer make games. Mythic: Not as you are. But become the Failed Dev, and you shall be set loose against this heresy with our blessing. Bungie: What of the Community? Legend: The tasks you must undertake as the Failed Dev are perilous-suicidal. You will die as each Failed Dev has before you. The Community will have their corpse. Failed Dev Bungie: What would you have your Failed Dev do? [u][b]Another[/b][/u] [Exit Slipspace: one Covenant carrier, a dozen ruined buildings, and In Amber Clad. The ship lurches hard as it decelerates.] Keyes: Uhn. Report! Nav: Both engines cores have spun to zero! We're drifting. Tactical: Archer pods are cold. I'll need to rekey the system. Keyes: Do it! And find out where we are. [Down below, Sergeant Johnson is emerging from a pod.] Keyes: Sorry for the quick jump Sergeant. You in one piece? Johnson: I'm good. Chief? Cortana: We're fine. Nav: Ma'am...there's an object. Coming into view now. [Outside the ship is a blue-green planet, and in orbit is a large joke. There is a moment of dead silence.] Keyes: Cortana? What exactly am I looking at? Cortana: That...is Destiny. Johnson:[spits] Say what? Keyes: So this is what my father found...I thought Destiny was some kinda failure. Cortana: It is. If activated, this failure will cause destruction throughout the game industry. Keyes: I want all the information you've got on Destiny ...Schematics, topography, whatever...I don't care if I have the clearance or not. Cortana: Yes ma'am. Keyes: Where's our target? Tactical: The Bungie Studios is located in upper Seattle, ma'am...we're going to pass\ right over it. Keyes: Perfect. Given what we know about the Destiny, it's even more important that we capture the Failed Dev, to Find out why he Released Destiny. Why, why. why. Chief, take first platoon...hard-drop. Secure a landing zone. Sergeant, load up two flights of Pelicans and follow them in. Johnson: Aye, aye ma'am. Keyes: Until I can move and fight I'm going to keep a low profile. Once you leave the ship, you're on your own. Chief: Understood. Tactical: Over the target in 5... Cortana: Hang onto your Glimmer. [u][b]Another[/b][/u] Arbiter: There are things about Destiny even the WortArchs do not understand. Tartarus: Take care Arbiter. What you say is heresy. [u][b]Another[/b][/u] Arbiter: Is it? Oracle, what is Destiny purpose? 343: Collectively, the seven- Tartarus: Not-another-word- [Sergeant Johnson shows up.] Johnson: Please...don't shake the light-bulb. If you want to keep your brains in your head, I'd tell those boys to chill. Go ahead. Do your thing. Arbiter: Destiny, what is it? 343: Weapons of last resort built by Activision to eliminate potential rivals, thereby profiting. Arbiter: And those who made the game? What happened to the them? 343: They and all Sellouts died... Would you like to see the relevant data? Arbiter: Tartarus, Bungie have betrayed us...

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