[b]Corrections:[/b] 1) Right before Keis' flashback, you write "I landed as Gjallarhorn vanished into my Inventory." Unless I'm missing something (such as if the inventory is being treated as a named tool), that "I" should be lower-case. 2) Directly after this, in his flashback, you write: "*My right knee gave out and I fell onto it; put my left hand on my left leg to support myself.*" You repeat this sentence structure in the present version as well. I believe your use of the above semicolon to be incorrect, though I encourage you to research proper usage and such if you disagree, as I'm by no means an expert. From my understanding, however, semicolons are only to be used between independent clauses. As no form of "put my left hand on my left leg to support me." can stand independently, it does not meet the needed criteria. 3) In this sentence: "Guardians didn't normally get tired, but using a lot of Light all at once caused drowsiness, fatigue, and tore up muscles.", I suspect that your final item is not in agreement with the remainder of he statement. To demonstrate this, remove the first two items. We are left with "...but using a lot of Light all at once caused tore up muscles". [b]Possible remedies:[/b] 1) Self-explanatory. 2) Consider rewording the sentence(s) to make the clauses independent (by ensuring that each has a subject). Alternatively, you may prefer to simply replace the semicolon with a comma and adjust accordingly. Example 1: "My right knee gave out and I fell onto it; I put my left hand on my left leg to support myself." Example 2: "My right knee gave out and I fell onto it, putting my left hand on my left leg to support myself." 3) You have several options for rectifying this as well, neither of which require major re-structuring. One course is to reword "tore up muscles" to be in agreement with the surrounding text. Another is to restructure the way in which you list them. Example 1: "Guardians didn't normally get tired, but using a lot of Light all at once caused drowsiness, fatigue, and torn muscles. Example 2: Guardians didn't normally get tired, but using a lot of Light all at once caused drowsiness and fatigue, as well as (or another "and", though I don't recommend it personally) torn muscles." Changing the "caused" to "could cause"/"could lead to" or something of the like might also improve readability, though that is only a minor suggestion. [b]Critiques:[/b] In the aforementioned sentence(s) (see correction 2), I feel that the repetition of "My [blank] (right/left) [blank] (knee/leg/arm)..." is somewhat superfluous. If it is intentional and entirely necessary, then I would encourage you to leave it untouched. Otherwise, it may be best to consider ways in which you can reword these segments to establish a better flow. [b]General thoughts and suggestions:[/b] Great chapter, and my apologies for the lengthy reply. There are few "errors" (most of which are very slight and possibly not even incorrect), I am just long-winded on occasion. Just a broad suggestion, but you may want to cut back your use of sentence fragments/unusually short sentences outside of the flashbacks and their corresponding moments in the present, as the relative frequency with which they appear somewhat lessens the impact of the stream-of-consciousness parts (in my view, at least). While I recognize that to be your usual writing style, incorporating some of the shorter sentences into others as clauses should aid in sharpening the contrast between your general prose and the exceptional portions...if that is something that interests you. With that said, be wary of over-correction. I, for example, use sentences that are far too lengthy far too often, and that is likewise undesirable. I'm really liking the parallelism, so props to you on that. I look forward to reading the next chapter (hopefully tomorrow). Good night, and God bless!