[i]Sorry, kids, no Kinders chapter this week, I had to delete part of it. But I do hope that you enjoy this effort. I like to think that if Dr. Seuss had been a mentally unstable Destiny addict, he might have produced something very much like this...[/i] [u]THE NAUGHTY VOIDWALKER[/u] The sun is sinking, night descends Another City day now ends For other Guardians, time to snooze But for you there's no time to lose So gobble up a little snack And slip into your robes of black Don your armored warlock pants And load up your Gravvie Lance Across the sky the night is barging So get your Nova Bomb a-charging. Check your Email, message new The Vanguard wants to chat with you Better give those three the slip They're probably going to take your ship Because Zavala's really mad About some prior fun you had Disintegrating Asher Mir Is not appreciated here Yes it's true, his Ghost restored him But he's still mad because you bored him. And plus, you Nova Bombed Hideo, Which Tower cams caught on video New Monarchy is seeing red So there's a fat price on your head If caught, you and your Ghost are dead They'll boil you both in molten lead And so you tiptoe through the dark Until you reach the transmat mark Zavala shouts: "Get over here!" But he's too late; you disappear You power down the radio And to the EDZ you go. The Taken there are really swarming Taken are not all that charming You need to do those freaks some hurt Before they eat you for dessert So inundate them with void death balls Goblins, Psions, Knights and Thralls Minions of the Taken King One and all will know your sting And when you've laid the Taken low A vortex forms and away they go They've caused sufficient aggravation So give them swift annihilation And now that they are out of sight It's time to do patrols tonight Lonely Devrim wants things scanned So race your Sparrow through the land And Hawthorn wants bits of Cabal So show no mercy, blast them all. A servitor floats in the skies, So go and shoot it 'til it dies. Then see Devrim on the double Get a sidearm for your trouble Morning comes, the sky does brighten So on your ship and fly to Titan Onto floating platforms venture Time to do a Hive adventure, Kill a Knight that won't stay dead, Even when you snipe its head This goes against the Hive's biology... On, no! Zavala's on the arcology He got wind of your arrival, That bodes ill for your survival. He wants to pluck you like a flower So on your ship and hit the Tower It's unexpected, so you risk it. Breakfast's on, so have a biscuit. Bacon, waffles, eggs with cheese A Guardian breakfast's sure to please Oatmeal, Froot Loops, toast with jelly Load your plate and fill your belly Once you've eaten what you've chosen, Head to Mars, the part that's frozen Drive your Sparrow through the snow Sing a round of 'Let it Go'. Try a round of escalation Watch it end in pure frustration Your power's low, that's quite a pickle Even your rockets merely tickle Try a strike to ease your strife Who brought Nokris back to life? Put some soulfire in its place Then Nova Bomb him in the face. You now have many a Vanguard token But you feel a bit heartbroken Zavala doles out Vanguard loot But wants your head, ain't that a hoot? Another escalation team Is forming, time to go full steam Ad control's what it's about, So time to pull Riskrunner out You melee one thrall without pause Then let the second use its claws And now you pull the trigger down And Armageddon comes to town A mass of arclight fills the night And spreads to every Hive in sight And although the Knight swords hurt you Devour power does not desert you Other Guardians fight the bosses Thanks to you, they take no losses The final foe falls on his rear, So raid the chest for cool new gear You got a fancy warlock hood But now for something not so good Ikora Rey before you stands And holds your Ghost in her strong hands. "You led us on a merry chase," She says, "but justice now you face. Not for Asher, he deserved it. He needed smackdown, and you served it But poor Hideo had no Ghost Your Nova Bomb turned him to toast." And so, back to the Tower you ride Ikora's ship, with you inside Descends into the atmosphere And drops you by the man you fear Zavala smiles a nasty smile "Hello, warlock, been awhile." Your ship's been taken, you can't flee, But only wait for what will be. And so you find that you're on trial The courtroom process takes awhile They understand that you're a pill, But just logged forty thousandth kill. A Guardian who fights so well Cannot be sent to jail or hell. Though Monarchy declares resistance, Your power protects mankind's existence. Zavala says, "you drive me nuts, Quite honestly, I hate your guts. We need you fighting, that we know, But into exile you must go." Cayde-6 speaks up, with roguish charm, "We'll find a place out on the Farm." So off you go, to a woodsy home Where chickens cluck and waters foam. You get a bed in a homeless camp A blanket and an oil lamp You sleep between two refugees On one side is a boy who pees His bed and on the other, of course A plumpish man who loudly snores But they're both glad to be your friends And so this crazy day now ends You will awaken with the dawn, And fight the Darkness on and on. You'll fall and rise to fight anew Because that's just what Guardians do. So crawl in bed and quench the light, You naughty Voidwalker, good night. [i]If you're twisted enough to actually admit to liking this, here are some other similar offerings:[/i] When Bladedancers Lose It: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/219732418 When Sunbreakers Go Nuts: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/244850180 It's a Striker's Life: https://www.bungie.net/en-us/Forums/Post/220016759