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originally posted in:Destiny Fiction Producers
5/13/2018 4:11:56 AM
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The Brightest and the Darkest: Chap 1: The Lunar Front part 2

“Are you injured, sir?” D'Ssoad asked. Riksis wiped the Hive grime from his hands and stepped out of the dirt. “I will survive, Lieutenant. Gather the men and prepare to fall back to the fortifications at the outer wall.” D’Ssoad was surprised at the order after the spectacle he just witnessed. “What? We have men down there!” Riksis let out an exasperated sigh. “They’re getting cut down by an Ogre and are about to be flanked. Do you [i]really[/i] want to see how this ends?” “Retreat isn’t in option.” “Don’t tell me you actually believe that glistering example of Cabal combat philosophy,” his superior chided. “This position is exposed. [i]If[/i] we somehow survive their reinforcements charging us, Phogoth will have finished them below and head this way. Let the Cabal die for honor. [i]We[/i] shall live to fight another day. Light knows that’s [i]all[/i] we do.” The Eliksni turned to walk away again until D’Ssoad said, “You might want to wait until our own reinforcements get here.” Riksis looked back. “I never called for reinforcements.” “I did,” D’Ssoad replied. “Really?” Riksis growled, his eyes narrowing. “On who’s authority, [i]Lieutenant?[/i]” “The Bracus’,” D’Ssoad answered, turning back to examine the battle. “You went over my head?” his commander snarled. “No, he commanded it. I just happened to be the closest to carry out his orders. We’re to maintain position until they arrive.” One of Riksis’ larger fists drove into a medium-sized lunar rock and split it into several pieces. “We’ll discuss this later, D’Ssoad. Who, pray tell, did he have you call?” Several loud booms echoed throughout the encampment before the lieutenant could reply. Skiffs rocketed over their heads, followed by a Ketch. On its hull was painted a brown Eliksni House sigil, modified and angled into the shape of a Cabal legion. “Ugh,” Riksis groaned. “Why did it have to be the glory-hound Scarred Legion?” The Skiffs in the crater strafed the Hive forces seeping from the rift, while one flew toward them and hovered close enough to see a figure hanging from its drop doors. His left arms and feet gripped the hull effortlessly, while his right arms toted a scorch cannon. A flowing cape hung from the base of a custom helmet that barely hid his wide grin. “You look like you could use the cavalry, Rik,” the Eliksni said genially over the comms. “ROT YOU, TANIKS,” Riksis snapped back. Taniks laughed heartily. “Touchy! You got to give me something more to work with than that.” “The Hive packed a little more than we were prepared for,” D’Ssoad offered, gesturing down the crater to Phogoth. Taniks followed his gaze and nodded. “That’d do it.” He stomped his foot a couple of times on the hull. “Cayde! See gruesome down there? Get me close.” “On it, boss!” the Exo called from the cockpit. “Andal,” Taniks continued, “Make sure you hit that sucker with everything the Skiff’s cannons have got. I swear to the Traveler, if you hit me, though, I’ll kill you myself.” “Yeah right,” the gunner scoffed. “Like I’d miss something [i]that[/i] big and ugly.” The Skiff flew off toward the fight. D’Ssoad watched it keep low to the ground, depositing two or three Eliksni with shrapnel launchers at a time at strategic positions. At about one hundred meters from Phogoth, Taniks jumped off and charged toward the monster. Phogoth’s attention was drawn to the skiff, and it tried to shoot it down with its laser. The Ogre was completely distracted, but of course it wasn’t that easy for the Scarred commander. A sword-wielding Knight saw the rushing Eliksni and blocked his way with heavy swings. Taniks parried and twisted the sword out of the Knight’s grip with his scorch cannon, catching the sword with a free hand and punching the Knight’s face with the other. The Hive stumbled back before being decapitated. As the Knight’s bones and dust fell, Taniks adjusted he grip on the sword and threw it like a javelin at Phogoth. It buried into the monster’s hide down to the hilt, causing the Ogre to bellow in pain and turn to face the offender. Before it could unleash its laser, three superheated charges from Taniks’ scorch cannon stuck on its face and burned. The Ogre flailed in an attempt to get the hot projectiles off, and Taniks let him writhe while they charged. Phogoth dislodged one charge from its face, but it got stuck on the beast’s hand, so Taniks released the trigger. The blasts took Phogoth’s hand and knocked it on its back, dazed but not dead. Even through the focusing tech D’Ssoad could see the shimmering vulnerability on the Hive’s abdomen. Cayde-6 and Andal Brask took full advantage of its exposure, circling around in the skiff and pummeling it with arc charges. After they made their pass, Taniks ran up and drew the sword from the monster’s side and drove it into the strange organ. It flashed under the puncture before diffusing as the creature crumbled to dust. The remaining Hive forces screeched in dismay and fell back to the tunnel entrance, several gunned down from behind by the rallied humans, Eliksni, and Cabal. When all the Hive had receded, the Skiffs blasted the cliffside, creating an avalanche that sealed the entrance. D’Ssoad sighed in relief. They’d won. “Call in a Skiff,” Riksis ordered behind him. “Have it take us down to the field.” A few minutes later, they disembarked from Cayde and Andal’s skiff. It landed a little further away, and the Risen pilot and gunner stepped out to take in the scene. “Damn,” Cayde commented. “This is a pretty big mess here.” “Thankfully, it was in our favor this time,” D’Ssoad replied, shaking each of their hands. Andal noticed his superior officer over his shoulder and asked, “What the hell is he doing?” The lieutenant turned to see the Eliksni scrounging through the remains of Hive dust and bone fragments. “That’s just…something he does,” he answered lamely. “Isn’t that against protocol?” “Who cares?” Cayde butted in. “Let the man have a little victory trophy. Traveler knows we could use the morale.” D’Ssoad expected Taniks to comment, but the Scarred Legion’s commander was listening to something in his headset. Riksis walked up with a small piece of Hive Knight skull. “Their bones are so brittle after they die. Anything worth retrieving crumbles before I can get to it.” “Permission to speak freely, sir?” Andal asked. Riksis blinked in surprise. “Granted?” The man twirled his finger around his ear. “You got issues.” Before Riksis could angrily reprimand him, Taniks called out. “Pack it in, boys! Round up the Skiffs and get everyone back to the Ketch pronto! Sorry we won’t be able to stick around for the afterparty, Rik, but like they say, ‘there’s no rest for the wicked.’” Riksis scoffed. “I find it hard to imagine the masses considering you and your forces ‘wicked.’” “What’s going on?” D’Ssoad cut through the repartee. “The sky above Mare Imbrium has turned into green fire,” Taniks replied as he got back on the Skiff. “Crota’s on the move. We’re on our way to provide backup…or to clean up whatever’s left.” [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Groups/Post?groupId=1371758&postId=244991280&sort=0&page=0]Table of Contents[/url]

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  • A little constructive criticism for you: You have done an excellent job of depicting characters, developing their personalities, and using natural speech. The only thing I find problematic was Taniks's manner of speech. He used human phrases, which built up his character well, but it just doesn't make any sense for him to speak exactly like a human. He's Eliksni, but he talks like he was human born and raised. I hope that made sense and helps. Good luck with the story. I'm really enjoying it.

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