Funny Liberal/Democrat Jokes To Start Your Day 1. Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts? A: Change. 2. Q: How do you confuse a Liberal? A: You don’t. They’re born that way. 3. Q: Why is it good to have a Democrat passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone. 4. Q: What’s the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal? A: Elvis has been sighted. 5. A Democrat died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. “Ten dollars?” she said. “It only takes ten dollars to bury a Democrat? Here’s a hundred – go bury 10 of them!” 6. Q: How do you keep a Democrat busy? A: Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper. 7. Q: How do you keep a Liberal busy all day? A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner. 8. Q: What do you call a Democrat with an IQ of 130? A: A foursome 9. Q: How do you get a one-armed Liberal out of a tree? A: Wave to him. 10. Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals? A: A whine cellar. 11. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 Democrats. 12. Q: What is foreplay for a Democrat? A: Thirty minutes of begging. 13. Q: What is the Democrat doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. 14. Q: Why did the Liberal have blisters on his lips? A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs. 15. Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week? A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday. 16. A Democrat found a magic genie’s lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, “I will grant you one wish.” He said, “I wish I were smarter”. So the genie made him a Republican. 17. Q: What the difference between a Democrat and the rear end of a horse? A: I don’t know either. 18. Q: How is a Liberal different from a sewer rat? A: Some people actually like sewer rats. 19. Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark. 20. Q: Why do so many Liberals live in L.A.? A: It’s the only city that is easy enough for them to spell. 21. Q: What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A Democrat parade. 22. Q: What is it called when a Liberal blows in another Liberal’s ear? A: Data transfer. 23. Q: Why don’t they let Liberals swim in the ocean? A: Because they can’t get the smell out of the tuna. 24. Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a Democrat. 25. Q: What’s the difference between a Liberal and a sack of manure? A: The sack.