Downvoted. You're exactly what's wrong with circlejerk. Instead of posting satire, mocking reddit and being clever and original, you continue to post lame phrases and beat to glue anything that was even remotely funny, all under the guise that you want to show what's wrong with Off Topic. You don't care about Off Topic. You belong to the system that this subreddit was made to mock. You seek karma. You seek to be a power-user, a well-known name in a sea of perpetual anonymity. The higher your karma-count, the more you get off on it. You are smug and self-satisfying. You are the problem. There should be a "delete" button below your posts. Start clicking them after you post and you'll find that Off Topic starts to improve.

http://i.imgur.com/GjsmGZr.gif

Talos the mighty! Talos the unerring! Talos the unassailable! To you we give praise! We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars! But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, "Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you." Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Talos cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us, the future of Skyrim! The future of Tamriel! And there it is, friends! The ugly truth! We are the children of man! Talos is the true god of man! Ascended from flesh, to rule the realm of spirit! The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven overlords! Sharing the heavens with us? With man? Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth! Today, they take away your faith. But what of tomorrow? What then? Do the elves take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives? And what does the Empire do? Nothing! Nay, worse than nothing! The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor! Against its own people! So rise up! Rise up, children of the Empire! Rise up, Stormcloaks! Embrace the word of mighty Talos, he who is both man and Divine! For we are the children of man! And we shall inherit both the heavens and the earth! And we, not the Elves or their toadies, will rule Skyrim! Forever! Terrible and powerful Talos! We, your unworthy servants, give praise! For only through your grace and benevolence may we truly reach enlightenment! And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you Ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great Talos, not as god, but as man!

https://youtu.be/Z1fzjoiO-bw

Does anybody has the one about diamonds being the hardest metal on Earth?

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GAME DESTINY JA DOES YEARS I DO NOT HAVE ANY HEAVY WEAPON OF THE YEAR 1 JA MAKES THE END OF CROTA AND CRYSTAL CAMERA VARIOUS AND SEVERAL TIMES AND NEVER CAME A HEAVY WEAPON, WANTED A LOT TO GJALLARHORN, MORE TO PRA DESISTI BECAUSE SHE NEVER COMES, PRISON OF THE ANCIENTS YEAR 1 I JUST DID SEVERAL TIMES ALSO AND NOW NOTHING THAT GAME TA SACANAGEM WITH MY FRIENDS JA HAVE THE HEAVY WEAPONS OF THE YEAR 1 AND I HAVE NO STILL THAT SACK BUNGIE IMPROVES TO MY REWARDS ....

Get out

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If you came to fall in love baby, your out of luck. Because everybody here just came to get WHAT?! We came to get what?! We came to get... Hold on it didn't take to long for you to break you're compromise. Like that it happened so fast the moment just passed you by. You got so mad and look so sad as they broke your heart of gold. Now I'll run and tell your son to go load your gun because it's a brand new world, get what? Get what? Get what?!

one thing I don't know why It doesn't even matter how hard you try  Keep that in mind  I designed this rhyme To explain in due time (All I know) Time is a valuable thing Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings Watch it count down to the end of the day The clock ticks life away (It's so unreal) Didn't look out below Watch the time go right out the window Trying to hold on, but didn't even know Wasted it all just to (watch you go) I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter One thing, I don't know why It doesn't even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind  I designed this rhyme to remind myself how (I tried so hard) In spite of the way you were mocking me Acting like I was part of your property Remembering all the times you fought with me I'm surprised it (got so far) Things aren't the way they were before You wouldn't even recognize me anymore Not that you even knew me back then But it all comes back to me (in the end) You kept everything inside, and even though I tried, it all fell apart What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time I I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter I've put my trust in you Pushed as far as I can go For all this There's only one thing you should know I've put my trust in you Pushed as far as I can go For all this There's only one thing you should know I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall To lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter

Two nice, warm, soft, buttery pancakes with the perfect amount of hot, runny syrup drizzled over. Not too much, but not too little. Perfectly aligned in the center of your cleanly washed plate. You take your butter knife and fork, so clean, you can see your reflection. You look into your reflection, and see desire in your eyes. With your knife and fork, you hold your golden yellow pieces of God's Glorious Kingdom in place. Your knife slides perfectly through it. Not too much resistance, not too little. As you cut your acute slice of Heaven away from the two glowing suns on the clear sky they lay upon, your nostrils immediately fill with the scent of peace, the scent of true love, the scent of everything good in the world. The warm, cozy steam flows over your face, like a kiss from the Mother of The World, purifying of your soul. With fork in hand, you slowly take your golden piece of the stars up to your mouth. Before laying this gift from God Himself upon your tongue, you take one last look at the world around you, then at your slice, a golden glow in a world of gray. A piece of common sense and wisdom in a world of fear and ignorance. A clear, quiet field. Golden green grass. A calm, gentle breeze. You forget all worries, all doubts, all insecurities, all fears, everything. You forget in that moment, that you are human, that you are living in a cruel, competitive world, that everyone is after what you desire. You forget. You only feel a new sense of self worth, a sense of confidence, a sense of peace within yourself. As you become more at ease with this feeling of calm, a giant wave of emotion hits you. You start to drown with feelings. You want to cry tears, but you do not know if they are tears of joy, fear, sadness, or all of the above. You feel a need to scream and cry out of this confusingly wonderful feeling so that others may hear of it. You want to laugh as you remember innocence and happiness and being at peace with the world. At that moment, you saw the Holy Lord Himself, holding your hands, as if he cleansed you of the Sins of your ancestors. The Sins of generations yet to come You have elevated to higher dimension, you have evolved into the perfect being, you have gained the knowledge of the universe, all in your hand. But slowly, it starts to fade. Faster and faster everything disappears around you. Warmth becomes cold. Day becomes night. The knowledge of the universe once in your hand begins to blow away into ashes. You become scared and grasp at whatever you can of this feeling of felicity. But alas, you are too late. For the sun always sets, and the moon will always rise. The dark will always be fast approaching behind the light. You remember fear in this moment. Fear, that nothing lasts forever. Fear, that you can only delay the inevitable. You remember the dull world you live in, and you hate it. You wish to escape again. But how? Man has always chased for a permanent solution. But he is destined to never find it. He is destined to always be out of reach of the carrot on the stick. It is this hope that one day he will jump out and snatch it for himself that keeps him going. Your eyes open, you squint as to adjust your eyes to the dark world around you. You're back. Back in the world of cruelty, in the world of pain. You look down at your plate, see your two pancakes, and wish to relive peace again. You cut another slice, take a bite, and watch as the sun rises and the moon sets.

Talos the mighty! Talos the unerring! Talos the unassailable! To you we give praise! We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars! But you were once man! Aye! And as man you said, "Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you." Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Talos cherished us. For he saw in us, each of us, the future of Skyrim! The future of Tamriel! And there it is, friends! The ugly truth! We are the children of man! Talos is the true God of man! Ascended from flesh, to rule the realm of spirit! The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven overlords! Sharing the heavens with us? With man? Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth! Today they take away your faith! But what if tomorrow? What then? Do the elves take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives? And what does the Empire do? Nothing! Nay, worse than nothing! The imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor! Against its own people! So rise up! Rise up, children of the Empire! Rise up, Stormcloaks! Embrace the word of mighty Talos, he who is both man and Divine! For we are the children of man! And we shall inherit both heaven and earth! And we, not the Elves or their toadies, will rule Skyrim! Forever! Terrible and powerful Talos! We, your unworthy servants, give praise! For only through your grace and benevolence may we truly reach enlightenment! And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us great Talos, not as God, but as man! Trust in me Whiterun! Trust in the words of Heimskr! For I am the chosen of Talos! I alone have been anointed by the Ninth to spread his holy word!

[quote]Spam, create, and post them here, lets see what Offtopic has to offer! ========================= You don't know me, but my name's Sie, I'm just the O'Hare, delivery guy. But it seems like trees might be worth a try, So I say, let it grow. My name's Dan; And my name's Rose. Our son Wesley kinda glows, And that's not good so we suppose, We should let it grow. Let it grow, let it grow, You can't reap what you don't sow! Plant the seed inside the earth, Just one way, to know it's worth. Celebrate the world's rebirth, We say let it grow. My name's Marie, And I am three! And I would like to see a tree, La la la la la lala lee, I say let it grow. I'm Grammy Norma - I'm old and I've got gray hair, But I remember when trees were everywhere, And no one had to pay for air! So I say, let it grow! Let it grow, let it grow, Like it did so long ago. It is just one tiny seed, But it's all we really need, Time to change your life with deed, Time to let it grow. My name's O'Hare, I'm one of you. I live here in Thneedville, too. The things you say just might be true. It could be time, to start anew. Maybe change my point of view! Nah! I say let it die! Let it die, let it die, Let it shrivel up and - Come on, who's with me? No body. You greedy dirtbag! Let it grow, let it grow, Let the love inside you show! Plant the seed inside the earth, Just one way, to know it's worth! Celebrate the world's rebirth, We say let it grow![/quote] [spoiler]Enjoy scrolling down, Y O U G R E E D Y D I R T B A G.[/spoiler]

Crazy on emotion Movin' to the wave Crazy on emotion Feelin' so high on love You and me We know we wanna act crazy Fancy free We need to glam it amazin' Gotta let it go And move on with the flow The music magic wizard of our soul Tell me now Crazy on emotion Movin' to the wave Feel it now Crazy on emotion Feelin' so high on love Tell me now Crazy on emotion Rockin' to the wave Dancin' baby now You got me really crazy Got crazy for you Me and you The bambi girlie, the wild dude Shockin' who Seem to be livin' on cat food Gotta let it go And move on with the flow The music magic wizard of our soul Tell me now Crazy on emotion Movin' to the wave Feel it now Crazy on emotion Feelin' so high on love Tell me now Crazy on emotion Rockin' to the wave Dancin' baby now You got me really crazy Got crazy for you You and me We know we wanna act crazy Fancy free We need to glam it amazin' The music magic wizard of our soul Crazy on emotion Movin' to the wave Crazy on emotion Feelin' so high on love Tell me now Crazy on emotion Rockin' to the wave Dancin' baby now You got me really crazy Got crazy for you

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WHY YOU WANT RAIL FOR KALASHNIKOV? IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH AS PROCURED FROM IZHEVSK MECHANICAL WORKS? YOU THINK NEEDS IMPROVEMENT? THEN MAYBE YOU GET JOB WITH RED ARMY. YOU HAVE DRINKS WITH MIKHAIL KALASHNIKOV, TRADE STORY OF MANY WEAPONS DESIGNED AND DETAILS OF SCHOOL FOR ENGINEERING! OR MAYBE YOU NOT DO THIS. PROBABLY IS BECAUSE YOU NEVER DESIGN WEAPON IN WHOLE LIFE. YOU LOOK AT FINE RUSSIAN RIFLE, THINK IT NEED CRAZY STUFF STICK ON ALL SIDES OF WEAPON. YOU HAVE DISEASE OF AMERICAN CAPITALIST, CHANGE THING THAT IS FINE FOR NO REASON EXCEPT TO LOOK DIFFERENT FROM COMRADE. YOU PUT CHEAP FLASHLIGHT OF CHINESE SLAVE FACTORY ON ONE SIDE, YOU PUT BAD SCOPE OF AMERICAN MIDDLE WEST ON OTHER SIDE, YOU PUT FRONT PISTOL GRIP ON BOTTOM SO YOU ARE LIKE AMERICAN MOVIE GUY JOHN RAMBO. YOU MAKE SHAMEFUL TRAVESTY OF RIFLE OF MIKHAIL KALASHNIKOV, NO? RIFLE IS FINE. YOU SCREW WITH IT, IT ONLY GET HEAVY AND YOU STILL NO HIT LARGEST SIDE OF BARN. GO TO FIRING RANGE, PRACTICE WITH MANY MAGAZINE OF CARTRIDGE. THEN YOU NOT NEED DUMB CRAP PUT ON SIDE OF RIFLE.

Roar, storms! Echo, thunder! Shake this world, and all be blown away! With one blast, no enemies remain. Flowers bloom, butterflies dance, Grandpa's rheumatoid arthritis is cured, the dead rise, and you shed tears of joy. Now, to share with your family, enjoy the wonder of explosion magic! Remember to follow the rules. Try and avoid using it in the vicinity of people and their homes. Remember to use it in a safe environment. Always have parental supervision. Limit to one use per day. All in the name of effective explosion magic use.

[spoiler]Twas the night before Inauguration, and up in the tower, The Donald reflected on his newfound power. The conservative masses had come out in force, And delivered a victory that would chart a new course. The snowflakes were shell-shocked with tears in their eyes, The media lied to them . . . What a surprise. They had been promised a Hillary win, But the criminal Clinton took one on the chin. And though from all corners celebrities flew, They made no impression, for they hadn’t a clue. They talked about climate, racism, and such, And they made up good stories . . . But didn’t know much. The fake news and ignorance came at a cost, And they can’t understand all the reasons they lost. They blame it on Comey and Bernie and Vlad, But fail to acknowledge the one that was bad. Yes, Hillary Clinton, in many ways flawed, Was her own biggest hurdle toward getting the nod. The campaign exposed her corruptness and greed, And her speeches were punch-less as ten dollar weed. So out in the streets there arose such a clatter, It was Soros-paid protestors and Black Lives Matter. With cities to pillage and windows to smash, They knew not the issues, but needed the cash. Eight years of Obama had given them cause, To expect a replacement of their Santa Claus. But soon the protestors will feel the pain, When the wheels fall off of the old gravy train. And now all the snowflakes are riddled with fear, Upset and offended by things that they’ll hear. The cocoa and crayons will help for a while, But fact-based opinions will soon cramp their style. I originally supported, and voted, for Cruz, In the end, I would vote for whoever they choose. He wasn’t my first choice, but soon I would cede, The one they call Trump is the one that we need. I saw him on TV in front of a crowd, He spoke about veterans, it made me feel proud. He spoke about energy, safety, and jobs, Taking this country back from the Washington snobs. He was dressed in Armani, all tailored and neat, And the Brunos he wore made the outfit complete. For a man of his vintage, he seemed rather fit, And he looked presidential, I have to admit. His eyes glowed like embers, his smile was the best, And his hair was the color of my old hunting vest. His love for this country was on full display, And his actions spoke louder than his words could say. He thanked all his voters, and before he was gone, Saved thousands of jobs while Obama looked on. The fate of this country left nothing to chance, So, he filled out his cabinet weeks in advance. The men he had chosen were of the same mind, Let’s set the bar high, and not lead from behind. He picked up his phone as he rose from his seat, With a flick of his finger, he sent out this tweet; “Now Mattis!, now Kelly!’ now Sessions! And Pruitt! On Perry! On Flynn, You’re the ones who can do it. Start lifting restrictions and building the wall, Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”; The roar of his audience rose from the stands, He kissed all their babies and shook all their hands. He answered their questions and calmed all their fears, They knew it would be a fantastic four years. Then he jumped in his limo, and off to his jet, A fellow that Liberals won’t soon forget. He sent one more tweet as the evening expired; “Happy Inauguration to all, AND OBAMA – YOU’RE FIRED!”[/spoiler]

]Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise? I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life... He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful... the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. It's ironic he could save others from death, but not himself.[