I've been having the same issues with my partner. We've tried two separate routers. We've reconfigured our our router several times. We've factory reset our routers several times. We've enabled port forwarding. We've enabled uPnP. Everything that Bungie has told us to do to fix this issue. We've even done suggestions from other players. This crap is getting old Bungie. Before the patch before ROI we had zero problems joining before. We game share as well. Could that possibly be a problem that's interfering? Would purchasing another copy of ROI fix an issue?
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It sounds like it's not your setup. It's Bungie. We've had same issues. Found a solution a few days ago, now i see posts and can confirm myself that, that doesn't even work anymore. Only way to play together now is having your playstations connected directly to the modem with the router function turned off, which means it's completely vulnerable for hackers etc. Zero security. We're not gonna do that, for 1 game only. Bungie have been aware of this for 3 months and haven't fixed it properly yet. I recommend you guys find another game until they (hopefully) fix it. We paid a lot since beta for destiny plus all dlcs etc, and now it won't even let players in the same network play together. It's almost a scam