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Edited by HappyLine:
6/18/2016 2:57:12 AM
11
I made a story.
I made a poll a couple months ago for people of the Destiny community to review a little series that I am making with a friend. It's called [u]Destiny: Underground[/u], and I got the idea from a dream I had. So the first time I published it and shared in on the Destiny forums, I was met with slightly positive reviews, but it didn't feel good. The story was confusing, messy, and overall just plain dull. I decided to redo it with my friend, and now it's back to chapter 1. Let me know what you think by answering the poll!
[b]Please grade appropriately and honestly. This information is extremely important to me.[/b]
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I really enjoy the direction you're taking. Exploring the people of the city we are trying to protect is completely new and I love it. I've got a couple pointers though, I would recommend using contractions. Use them to your advantage, they make the story more immersive and the characters more personal. I've written in third person for a few short stories and I've never really enjoyed it. With the direction of the story you're writing, I think third person is best, I would just try writing a couple different versions of the story and see how they play out. In terms of characters, I know you commented it was difficult to write the Hunter but I think he was the best flushed out. I also think you captured the personalities of Ikora, Cayde and Zavala perfectly. Keep up the writing, I like your style
