The U.S.A. is often considered a shiny beacon of hope for those oppressed and searching for opportunity and freedom; however, that beacon is heavily tarnished by not only America’s dark past of bigotry, but also by the actions performed in our present America. One of these actions that has put our American way of life in danger is the U.S. Supreme Court ruling on the Obergefell v. Hodges case. In this case the evil, liberal Federal Government ruled in favor of same-sex marriage. This ruling was an attack on Christianity, religious freedom, and the U.S. of A. Now I, and several good Americans, were robbed of our religious freedom to see same-sex marriage as an abomination. We now had to consider same-sex marriage equal to right and proper marriage, that which is between a man and a woman. Lucky for us, our country has some good Christians in it, looking out for people like me and you. Some of these grand people live in our humble and loving state of Mississippi. The heavenly cohort that is our State Congress and the saintly Governor Phil Bryant passed into law the Protecting Freedom of Conscience from Government Discrimination Act on the glorious Tuesday of March 5, 2016. This act allows me and other like-minded business men to refuse service to those devil worshipping gays celebrating their demonic marriages. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of our brave state government, this law did not fix everything that was wrong in our beloved state. Ya’ll see, a gay couple can still get come into my establishment if they are not celebrating a marriage or recognizing a marriage. Now how am I supposed to show good Southern hospitality to my good Christian customers when a gay couple is talking about demon orgies and devil plants, like marijuana and kale? How can I have full religious freedom when I am forced to serve these dirty, satan loving, gays and similar folk? These are questions that won’t have to be asked much longer, for I have come up with an idea to save our home state. Let me tell you about my idea: The Securing of True Religious Freedom and Protection from Religious Discrimination Act. This act will give true Religious Freedom to good American people as long as you are a God loving and God fearing man or woman. For example: In Leviticus, us Christians are told to put to death any and all gay lovers. With this new act, good Christians would be able to do just that and make the state pure again, free from discrimination. Of course, some people have strongly disagreed with my idea. Others have come up with other ideas. Both of those groups of people are wrong. Some say I’m a bigot and am discriminating. Well let me tell ya’ll, the only two things that can be discriminated are religion and black people. I can’t discriminate against religion because I’m a good Christian, and I can’t discriminate against black people because that’s illegal. Some say that my idea is too extreme, that it would be better to try to make gays become straight again or just let them be gay. I can’t do that because I would be going against God, our father. Now I know it may be many years before we can fix America, but if we start now in Mississippi, we may live to see a holy nation. We may live to see a free nation. We may live to see a gay-less nation. tl;dr: I am not actually a gay hating asshole. This is a piece of satire mocking the supporters of the horrific Protecting Freedom of Conscience from Government Discrimination Act passed in Mississippi today, March 5, 2016.