A friend of mine is a Titan. His friend died in a Crucible battle so his immediate response was to knee everything in sight. I asked him why he is kneeing everything and he just shrugged and told me that it was his Grieving process

I try not to be biased so I'm going to roast all classes. [b]Hunters:[/b] First off, let me just say that you all are brave for carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. But perhaps that weight would be a little lighter if you didn't have so many damn accessories. I mean seriously, you guys are like women who have to keep up with the latest trend. I'd hate to be a Hunters boyfriend; "Babe! I need those triple jump shoes they are so fabulous" " Babe can you please take me to Xur and buy me those Radiant Dance Machines" "Babe, Wendy the Warlock said her Firebolts were more Fabulous than my tripmine grenades can you believe that?!" I mean seriously, what more do you all need? throwing knives, smoke grenades, stealth ability, blink, Blink strike, backstab, skip grenades, tripmines, bow and arrow, tether, golden gun, green moose, guava juice, giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake. You've got so many gadgets you make the Batcave look like a Toys R' Us. And don't get me started on the armor. Why does all of your exotic armor have to come with some sort of new ability? Shadestep, Fast Reviving, Two Grenades? Who makes your armor? Tony Stark. And speaking of Iron Man, your vanguard leader is a robot. I'm pretty sure Cayde was an extra in Avengers: Age of Ultron. I mean come on, this guy is one EMP away from a full on rebellion. Alright that's enough for the Hunters. [b]Titans:[/b] The "tough guys" of the Tower. I made a female Titan because the men of those class constantly look like they're over compensating if you catch my drift. I mean these guys look like custom Transformer cosplayers. They are the "America" of classes. Titans are the type of guys who drive a Ford F950 and Double - Park everywhere they go. Titans are the type of guys who cut in line at the Chipotle and claim they were already there. Ever seen a Titan at the gym? Kind of hard not too since they make themselves be heard by screaming everytime they lift weights. Titans are the kind of guys who call you a pussy for not lifting the same amount of weight as them at the gym. I had a Titan as a personal trainer once, guy was intense. He told me that by the time we're finished that I'd be able to kill a man with my shoulder. And Twilight Garrison? Sounds like a homosexual country singer, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just that as a straight man, I'm not wearing something that sounds like I'm a fan of Vampires and Werewolves. And what is up with the Hammer of Sol? Those things used to have the power of Mjolnir, but now it's as if Bungie replaced then with a flaming set of hammers from Home Depot. [b]Warlocks[/b]: You know what, I don't care what anyone says, you guys are brave. I mean anyone who is willing to run into Crucible with a dress and heels on has some guts, glory, Ram. So is cross dressing the secret to unlocking Warlock power? I mean you all look like a bunch of church choir singers. Then some of your helmets are just plain weird. What is up with your fetish of wearing dead things on your head? The SABER mask is one thing, but then there's The Stag and The Ram. Between that and the toga, it's as if you have a Crucible match at 8:00 and then an animal sacrifice to the gods at 8:30. I don't think Santa is going to be too happy with you wearing Rudolph's face as a mask. And let's talk about Stormcaller. Who are you? Emperor Palpatine? Just floating around yelling "UNLEEMITED POWAAHHHH!!" as you turn into God's bug zapper. You guys really crack me up. And hey here's a secret,if you put an eye patch on Ikora, she looks like Nick Fury.

Don't even think about messing with us we have the best weapon of all [spoiler]What if everything you ever wanted... WAS TO KICK SHIT IN THE FACE!? FOREVER! THEN YOU NEED PEREGRINE GREAVES!!! PUT THESE SWEET-ASS LEGS ON YOUR TITAN AND YOU WILL F***ING DECIMATE THINGS WITH YOUR POWERFUL KNEES. THEY ARE GEMS. YOU WILL LOOK GLAMOROUS LIKE A STYLISH LADY WHILE YOU KNEE SOMEONE IN THE THROAT SO HARD THEIR TEETH GO FLYING OUT OF THEIR ASSHOLE! YOUR LEGS ARE BEDAZZLED! BEDAZZLED WITH THE STRENGTH OF 1,000 KODIAK BEARS IF KODIAK BEARS GAVE ZERO F***S ABOUT GRAVITY AND EVOLVED TO DO SWEET JUMPKICKS! YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE ANDTHAT CHILD WILL F***ING EXPLODE BECAUSE YOUR KNEES ARE INSTANT DEATH! YOUR SON WILL DIE! YOUR WIFE WILL DIVORCE YOU! YOU WILL DIE ALONE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES YOU'VE LEFT IN YOUR WAKE AS YOUR LIFE DISSOLVES INTO A NIGHTMARISH HELLSCAPE OF VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY! YOU WILL TAKE PEREGRINE GREAVES INTO THE CRUCIBLE AND YOU WILL MASSACRE PEOPLE! YOU WILL F*** THEM UP! YOU WILL KNEE BLADEDANCERS! DENIED! GET THAT BUTTERKNIFE THE F*** OUT OF HERE! YOU WILL KNEE RADIANT WARLOCKS AND CAUSE THEM TO WEEP RADIANT TEARS! YOU WILL KNEE GOLDEN GUNSLINGERS...CAREFULLY.... YOU WILL KNEE OTHER TITANS IN THEIR BUBBLES, DIVING INTO THEIR NEON DISCO DANCE PARTIES BLIND AS SHIT AND MURDERING THEM WITH YOUR ENERGY LEGS! IT IS YOUR BUBBLE NOW SO FU*** THAT GU---wait, shit...THE BUBBLE IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU GODDAMMIT WHY THE F*** DID YOU DO THAT!? YOU WILL RUIN YOUR K/D LIKE I HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE SWEET, SWEET SOUND OF INSTANT AIRBORNE DEATH! YOU WILL CATCH SO MANY SHOTGUN BLASTS TO THE FACE AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT WHEN YOU KNOCK A BLADEDANCER THE F*** OUT BEFORE HE CAN CHOP UP YOUR TEAM! EVERY PAINFUL DEATH WILL BE VALIDATED AS YOUR LEG COLLIDES WITH A FIERY WARLOCK'S FAGGY GOAT HAT SO HARD THAT HE'S RENDERED BRAIN-DAMAGED AND HIS FAMILY FIGHTS WITH THE STATE OF TEXAS TO TAKE HIM OFF OF LIFE-SUPPORT! HE WILL LIVE OFF OF TUBES! BECAUSE OF TEXAAAAAAS! PEREGRINE GREEAAAAAAAAAAVES![/spoiler]

All bubble blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.

*looks at twilight garrison* [b][i]BOY.[/i][/b] Now I know your ass didn't fly out the tower thinking some shit like that is okay. Like, inspect your armor bruh 😂😂 people gonna be trying to jump and double tap B to evade the sight of your ugly blue kool-aid man lookin' ass. My dude, I saw you in the kiosks attempting to pick out a shader that matches, but that shit still looks like a balloon with dildos in the back 😂😂😂 fu[i]c[/i]k outta here maaan! *boot fireteam member*

Need some cheese melted for nachos? Call a golden-er to melt oway. Need a storage bin? Call a Warlock as backup. Need a "Cap'n save a ho"? Call a Titan & save 15% or more on life insurance...👊

Titans the type of class to wear boots that let them run in tighter circles lmao

lol they his is that post i got ninjaed 7 times on i wasnt actually giving offense to titans, i was just being funny since it was a roast, but boy, the ninjas must like titans to ban me for roasting em

Titan: complains about Bladedancer being OP in the beginning of Y1 until it's finally nerfed. Titan gets OP class in the beginning of Y2. Calls everyone crying bitches for complaining about their OP class. Blames Hunters as is usual on the forums. Hypocrisy.

Just going to roast all 3 in one go: Hunters: Just admit it. We all know Bladedancer is secretly a ballerina subclass. That's why you don't hit us when you activate Arc Blade. You just want to dance, not fight. Titans: We all know your knee fetish is just to cover up the fact that you're insecure about your T-rex arms. Also, lay off the beans. No one should be able to fart 10 meters into the air. Warlocks: Cover up in the front. Princesses shouldn't be wearing their dresses like that. Also, stop putting roadkill on your heads, that's weird.

My response (no salt) [spoiler]Listen up all you nerf-calling b*tches Mess with us and you'll all be in stitches Dropping hammers of sol like the MARVEL-ous Thor Taking out huntards and whorelocks and even more There is a reason that the Crucible is run by Titans Because all our classes the masses it frightens From hammers to bubbles, shutting down supers Our greaves filled with lightning make other teams losers Fist of Panic, you say? How about two or three And then I'll walk up and hit you with my knee Suppression nades keeps the rez's away while the hunters all double jump and run away Twighlight garrison or Crest upon my chest Dodging side to side or making orbs for the rest Maybe armamentarium just for a test Holy shit, Twin lightening grenades wreck even the best While Lords Saladin and Shaxx don't always approve when it comes to Dancing, we've got all the moves Pop a Shotty in your face, you big disgrace Kicking your can all over the place Yeah, we definitely will totally rock you And after we're done, we just have to drop two Titan balls on your helmet, maybe ya smelled it That the scent of victory all over your face, yeah, nailed it. You can't handle the sauce; without us you're nothing Dropping Wards of Light with armor and blinding Stay out of my way, I'm a Phantom, a ghost By the time you see me your K/D is toast Cause I'm a roamer, a solo, a salty mother f*cker I roll on fireteams like John Cena's mother Damn, Daniel, back at it again? You're God damned right, anything less is a sin See, I don't always rap battle, but when I do I'm the most interesting man in the world, and you -- You're not original or even a throwback Chris Brown is a better rapper and that's a fact! I like destiny, please leave it be, you'd understand why if you just played PvE No class wars or ass-whores or 1kys haxors No Heavy weapon crate-stealing then rocket & die bastards Just give me a raid and my bubble and orbs I'll make you all invincible; blessing or weapons, dorks? You warlocks got nothing, your rhymes are a joke My Nightfall rewards were better, a ghost and a mote You see, while you were out rezing in robes (so pretty) I was sitting back and defending the city From all sorts of creatures, alien and darkness You were out making friends and trying your hardest Dr. Seuss has better lines and he writes about cats Well, the hat is back with a brand new rap See I be dropping them lines and rhymes all the times; you disgust me with puns and your filth filled with lies I speak the Truth, there's No Time to Explain Here some Super Good Advice: Stay out of my way I'm coming through like an animal, a certified canibal Cracking skulls and ruining lives with my skills, unparalleled Eat warlocks for breakfast and hunters for lunch You call my super Panic; I call it clutch Not a crutch, like your rez, used after death, from behind Only cowards run around flaming; I'll be back to get mine So Mark 44 Stand Asides aside, I'll beat you down No Backup Plans needed, Immolation Fists to the ground I've got an Insurmountable Skullfort, you grieve for my Grieves I'll have The Last Word, Hearafter, my Sleeper sleeps Dragon's Breath in your face, Thunderlording all over the place Chaperoning your ass back to the tower, lost race My Bad Juju is sick; My Fabian Strategy too quick Your nades and melee catching air, whiff whiff whiff So sit down, son, and leave the fighting to champions Titans rule them all; ask the hunters, they're gone because of us If hunters feel left out, I can't be to blame Your supers suck and your jump is lame All I hear during raids is Bones of Eooooooooo As you fall off the ships in the jumping puzzle Keep your golden PvPness out of my sight I'm about to Crush your dream with my superior light Bows and knife throws and smoke billowing rolls Can't stop my knees of justice, furthering your woes Hammering out the issues and causing you grief Sending you back to get new passages every week at the reef And in Iron Banner, please, let's be serious, okay? Bladedancer is broken, can't land that melee Better stick to the shadowshot though we dodge it an awful lot garrisoning or shoulder charging across the map, that hot Sending GGs for free after a T-bag or three Take a lesson from me, you can't play 3v3 Dropping rhymes like a Vandal, my name ain't Randal Hunters are a joke, their mad skillz a scandal Cayde-6 is so bored all alone on the tower His advice to you was steal his best friends power What kind of a jerk does that? One that is bat Sh¡t crazy, I'll tell you, and that is that Rasputin would digress and start speaking Russian So I guess I'm done; like a Hunter that's rushing [/spoiler]

So titans... how you enjoying still being a T-rex?

FROM THE CABAL BOOK OF CUISINE: [i]HOW TO COOK TITAN: There's a simple rule about cooking Titan: Don't. Titans are tough and stringy and have a gamey flavor that other Guardians have much less of. Hunters are excellent for roasting, and warlocks are quite wonderful on the barbecue. However, if you are expecting company and all you have in the refrigerator is Titan, don't serve it. Eat out. If you must serve it, cook it in the Crock Pot on low heat for at least four standard hours* to tenderize it. Consider adding some spices to cover the distinctive flavor as not all will find it agreeable.[/i] *Since the Cabal standard day is 1.84 times longer than ours, and they divide it into 20 hours instead of 24, one Cabal hour = 2.3 standard human ones. So the Titan should be simmered for a minimum of 9 hours and 12 minutes.

Titans actually don't have breakfast [spoiler]every time the toaster pops they fist of panic[/spoiler]

Why do titans have eye problems?[spoiler]They can't blink [/spoiler]

I always lose a staring contest to my titan friends! [spoiler]feels like they cant blink[/spoiler]

*clears throat* *looks at titan* "....your mom" *exits*

Titans: the team player. Their helmets are even designed with handles to help you get them out when they shoulder charge into a wall.

Op mains hunter [spoiler]Op is fgt[/spoiler]

I believe PC Principal from South Park is a Titan...

Titans are the type of dude, when there off duty. they're out patrolling the the last city in their elevated Ford F-150 truck covered in fox, or DC decals. Wearing Oakley glasses with logo hats on backwards. Never without there wallet chains. (Woo lets smash some brews brah)