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12/25/2015 4:39:13 PM
221
Best way to answer telemarketers?
Well we all get those calls from those money whores, obviously nobody likes them but it's their job to call, well after all those years I figured what's the funniest way to answer them? Other than just hang up,
[spoiler]i better not hear the jim's White House one -_-[/spoiler]
English
#Offtopic
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Edited by Clone148: 12/26/2015 2:39:16 AMWait a few seconds to hear their spiel then say "I have one week to live" really weakly and hang up(or hear their response but give little coughs or moans of pain every now and then)
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2 RepliesEdited by Barbatos: 12/26/2015 3:24:56 AMI'm just here for ideas.
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1 Reply"Steve? Steve, is that you? I swear to god, Steven, if you do this again... You're not Steve? THEN WHERE THE HELL IS STEVE?!?!...I'm...im sorry...it's just that...*sob*...Steve is...*sniff sniff*...[i]was[/i] my son..."
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Hold on, I need to kill this dude. *Hold phone away from face and yell* GET OVER HERE!
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2 RepliesMy dad and I have the same name, so I always end up answering telemarketing call that were meant for him. When the person asks the name I say oh that's my name, and my dads. Who are you looking for? They say my name, and I always answer oh wrong frank, I'll get him. Then I answer again and explain that I'm the wrong Frank and I'll get the other one. Usually it goes on for two or three switches before they hang up, but one time I got this girl who stayed on the phone for probably a half hour. Near the end she actually asked me how many Frank's I knew lol.
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*picks up the phone, supsiciously* *says nothing* [quote]HI! Can you hear me ok?![/quote] *says nothing* [quote]GREAT! We've just got some questions for you about your acc--[/quote] *Hangs up* Fixed.
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Edited by YerSpookyGrandad: 12/27/2015 12:13:57 PMYou're on the gay sex chatline, have fun! *proceed to make wank noises and shit*
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Alright, the job is done, but there is blood [i]EVERYWHERE[/i] *hangs up*
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1 ReplyJust every time they say something, say "yes" and nothing else
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[i]"Ha! We knew you'd answer you son of a bitch! Your phone is being tracked right now and your -blam!-ing dead! you hear me? -blam!-ing dead!"[/i]
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"No, but I'm glad you asked. Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior Cthulhu?"
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If you speak a foreign language talk to them in that and start yelling at them.
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2 RepliesTalk to them about your life problems. That MAKES them know you're not interested. Or reply with a telemarketer answer; welcome to so-and-so, would you like to purchase such-and-such. It makes them hang up.
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1 ReplyThis one totally -blam!-s with their head. Just say, "place me on your do not call list." If they call you again say, "I will report your company to the FCC if you call me again."
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9 RepliesNicely, because they are just people trying to make a living. Would you want some arse to come into your place of work and harass you? Of course not. So don't be a gobshite.
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Go full on creepy on them. Heavy breathing into phone "What you wearing?" "We should be together" stuff like that
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I'm surprised no one's suggested the Phone Guy yet. [spoiler]Faith in humanity temporarily restored[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyEdited by DigitalNinja: 12/27/2015 6:20:59 PMNext time they call, put on your best Spanish accent, and say the following in a deep voice: [b]¡Hola señor! ¿Que? Yo no se.. ¿Que cosa? No hablo inglés.[/b] If they bring in someone who speaks Spanish, then switch back to English. Repeat steps as necessary if they put the regular guy back on.
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"Could I interest you in [object within view] today?" "Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior jesus christ/john cena/Nick Cage?"
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1 Reply"you have reached the wild JJ, you must give a cookie to talk with it. However, it is a very special type of cookie. What type is it?" If they don't say M&M then say that the wild JJ has scampered off in search of hugs and M&M cookies. Haha luv ya JJ
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Just repeat exactly what they said.
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I use a corded phone, so I nearly place it down so it screeches at full volume. But ya know, most of them are pre-recorded
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Edited by fatz0503: 12/28/2015 3:15:36 AM[url=http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--rL6OfxI6--/c_scale,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/itxtnbttmn8dt4z0tfcx.gif]Jims White House [/url]
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When I was in percussion class and got them, we would put the phone on speaker in the middle of a drum circle and start hammering the drums and deafen the guy on the other end. I never get those calls anymore
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2 Repliesi used to be one, they dont care when you are rude and/or hang up on them. they just move on to the next call. if you really want to get them pretend you are interested in buying, and BIG. then when its time to finalize it all just say "ehh... i changed my mind. please remove me from your list." THAT is what pisses them off the most.
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Ask them questions
