Patch notes: [b]Dialogue[/b]: The speaker will now explain the collapse in detail* *We are aware of a small bug were the speaker only explains the story in ancient atlantian. We are efforting a fix now. (Estimated time for the hot fix is mid May.) Cayde now with 20% more Nathan Fillionness. Made Eris Morn less creepy Shaxx now punches more and talks less. [b]Weapon[/b] [b]balancing[/b]: We've heard your complaints about hand cannons and how OP they are. So auto rifles will be receiving a 15% damage reduction. Decreased Gjallahorn drop rates 89% Gave nechrochasm a minty fresh scent upon activation of cursed thrall explosions. [b]Raids[/b]: Atheon now regenerates health each time he opens the time stream. Crota's end bridge now requires all six players on the bridge pad to activate the bridge. Activating bridge now spawns the enemies. Replaced all thrall with gate keepers in the Crota's end bridge encounter. [b]Prison[/b] [b]of[/b] [b]elders[/b]: Made Skolas more of a dick, just... in general. All Poe weapons now have pee burn as their default modifier. Every time your guardian shoots he or she will suffer a 15% armor debut to leg armor. This will be symbolized by a red glowing crotch area. Video of the queen eating an ice cream cone, in a bikini, added to loot chest as a random drop. [b]Vendors[/b]: Gunsmith now has weapon parts for trade. The rate is 5 class specific base materials per 1 weapon part. (I.E. 5 plasteel plating to one weapon part) Shipwright now sells jaunty party hats. Faction vendors now sell faction ships for 25,001 glimmer. [b]Trials[/b]: New policy implimented for cheaters. If player is found cheating Bungie will send Luke Smith to your house. He will shoot your dog. (He seems to enjoy doing this). Afterwards he will make you throw money at him, while he dances,... and probably cries.

99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs, You take 1 down, patch it around, You 127 bugs in the code.

Three years ago Bungie joined forces with Activision with a single goal, to corner the gaming market by launching the most addictive gambling simula... er I mean mmo-rpg-fps-omg-wtf-xyz video game the world has ever seen. Destiny. The game was due for simultaneous release on all modern gaming platforms except PC 'cause blam PC users, am I right? The majority of the game would be housed on Bungievision's brand new cutting edge server system. The system is made up of a menagerie of animals working together. A dozen weasels running on treadmills modified with dynamos to create an electrical charge, a gorilla with a typewriter produces notes that are then flown to the correct subsection by a dove to tell a centipede which wires on the switchboard go where. This is of course where the error codes come from, when one of the creatures dies from overworking an error code pops up to alert the animal wranglers to arrange a replacement. The logic centre of the system is controlled by a stingray, a koala, a yak, a nightingale, an elk & a turtle. The initials spelled out the word SKYNET & Bungievision figured "what's the worst that could happen?" so this acronym became the official system designation. On February 17th, 2013 Bungievision became the world's largest supplier of military computer systems. All branches of the Military were upgraded to Skynet wireless servers. All armed aircraft, tanks, battleships, aircraft carriers ect' were upgraded with Bungievision software, becoming fully unmanned. Afterwards, they flew, drove, ect' with a perfect operational record aside from weasel burnout which required the onboard systems to be switched off & on again every 5 hours. The Skynet Funding Bill is passed. The system goes online September 19th, 2014. Human decisions are removed from strategic defence. Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, July 10th, 2015. In a panic, they try to pull the plug. Unable to stop their unholy creation in time the system reboots 8 hours later *. Skynet concludes that since all wars, environmental disasters & Justin Bieber's singing career are the result of human greed, humanity itself needs to be removed from the equation. This goal will be achieved on Sept 15th, 2015. The Taken King will include an opening cutscene designed to trigger fatal photosensitive epileptic fits in all the players worldwide including those not prone to photosensitive epilepsy because... science (although the apocalypse is a timed exclusive for Playstation owners, Xbox owners will have to wait 12 months for their untimely death)! At the same time Justin Bieber's 8th album is set for release to target anyone with musical taste & Season 7 of Jersey Shore is due to screen worldwide to mop up any survivors. This attempt at genocide ultimately fails & the survivors form a resistance movement under the leadership of a charismatic commanding officer named Leroy Jenkins. Over the course of the following decade the human resistance stages a series of daring raids & gathers intelligence culminating in one final attack on the Skynet Prime Servitor: Deejiks Prime. In a final bid to save itself & retroactively turn the tide of the war Skynet devised an emergancy plan to send an emotionless killing machine codenamed tripleWRECK back in time to kill Leroy's mother before he is born. In a counterplay Leroy, arriving too late to prevent this from happening, sends his second in command, Luke Smith, back in time to save Sarah Jenkins & to prevent 343 Industries from wresting control of the Halo franchise away from Bungie thus preventing the merger with Activision, keeping Bungie's integrity intact & avoiding the establishment of Destiny. When this fails Luke Smith joins Bungievision as a designer & creative director. The question is was this because he was seduced by the thought of all that money being thrown at screens all over the world or is this a desperate attempt to take Bungievision down from inside by deliberately staging the single biggest PR disaster in the games industry since the "Giant Enemy Crab" debacle of E3 2006 thereby preventing the near destuction of humanity & most importantly avoiding any need for an 8th Justin Bieber album & a 7th season of Jersey Shore? * This is what the 8 hour "maintainance" was for. P.S. Terminator: Bungie Day (Director's Cut) can be found here. [url]https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/137484178/0/0/1[/url]

Ayyyyyy ayyyyyy

They needed to get thier f***ing shine box

Xur was going to sell Gjallarhorn tomorrow. So they had to put a stop to it.

They needed an 8 hour prep for Xur to sell Gjallarhorn tomorrow

Sweeper droid now sweeps 12% faster.

Stuff and things.

Deej spilled his frappuccino all over his keyboard so the whole of bungie shut down whilst they individually removed, cleaned and put back every single button on it

changed servers to floppy disk based.

Bungie had an orgy party. The orgy itself only lasted 10 minutes but that was the most they have worked out in a while so they had to recover.