Heed these sacred texts, for we are all brothers of the tug. 1 thou shall locketh thy door before the beating of the meat 2 thou shall choke thy chicken to whatever arouses thee as long as you're not causing physical/psychological harm to others but yourself. 3 thou shan't tickle thy pickle in public, it is unsanitary, and thou might offend someone. 4 thou shall attempt the dead hand method at least once, done by sitting on thy hand until it is numb and proceed to polish the marble 5 thou shall use lubricant in order to keep skin soft and protected from tug/flick burns. 6 thou shall clean after thyself and dispose of any released bodily fluids. 7 thou shall work a job and earn money for thy pleasure related purchases and not use thy family member's money for them. 8 thou shan't desperately attempt to aquire the attention of those whom arouse thee, follow the sacred rule of one text per reply. 9 thou shan't send pictures of thy privates to others unless it's by mail and with a timer for the immediate self destruction of said image.