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Edited by Gintama: 6/7/2015 5:12:23 AM
37

Some post the "Sexually identify as a shitposter" copypasta

I really need it so I can save it to my notes. I find copypastas a... useful Internet weapon [spoiler]may the lenny be with you[/spoiler] Shoutout at navy seal for the variety :^)
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  • I sexually Identify as a grill. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of heating up the meat until its juices ended up inside me. People say to me that a guy becoming a grill is impossible and I'm a -blam!-ing retard but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install a metal grid, metal cover, and a metal propane tank on my body, all diamond, the hardest metal known to man, of course. From now on I want you guys to call me "omg grill !!1!11!!" and respect my right to clear coms and get viewers without stripping. If you can't accept me, you're Metalist and need to check your 400 miles per hour. Thank you for being so understanding.

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      • You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, you couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions primed on the heel. You are a canker, an open wound. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You took your last vacation in the Islets of Langerhans. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. I take that back; you are a festering pustule on a weasel's rump. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. You are a technicolor yawn. And did I mention that you smell? You are a squeaking rat, a mistake of nature and a heavy-metal bagpipe player. You were not born. You were hatched into an unwilling world that rejects the likes of you. You didn't crawl out of a normal egg, either, but rather a mutant maggot egg rejected by an evil scientist as being below his low standards. Your alleged parents abandoned you at birth and then died of shame in recognition of what they had done to an unsuspecting world. They were a bit late. Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it ever so much more rapidly. If cluelessness were crude oil, your scalp would be crawling with caribou. You are a thick-headed trog. I have seen skeet with more sense than you have. You are a few bricks short of a full load, a few cards short of a full deck, a few bytes short of a full core dump, and a few chromosomes short of a full human. Worse than that, you top-post. God created houseflies, cockroaches, maggots, mosquitos, fleas, ticks, slugs, leeches, and intestinal parasites, then he lowered his standards and made you. I take it back; God didn't make you. You are Satan's spawn. You are Evil beyond comprehension, half-living in the slough of despair. You are the entropy which will claim us all. You are a green-nostriled, crossed eyed, hairy-livered, goisher kopf, inbred trout-defiler. You make Ebola look good. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are not ANSI compliant and your markup doesn't validate. You have a couple of address lines shorted together. You should be promoted to Engineering Manager. Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be read? Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001 worth of electricity used to send them? Your life is one big W.O.M.B.A.T., and your future doesn't look promising either. We need to trace your bloodline and terminate all siblings and cousins in order to cleanse humanity of your polluted genes. The good news is that no normal human would ever mate with you, so we won't have to go into the sewers in search of your git. You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a loathsome disease, a drooling inbred cross-eyed toesucker. You make Quakers shout and strike Pentecostals silent. You have a version 1.0 mind in a version 6.13 world. Your mother had to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get your dog to play with you. You believe that P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest composer who ever lived. You prefer L. Ron Hubbard to Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Hee-Haw is too deep for you. You would watch test patterns all day if the other inmates would let you. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. Spammers look down on you. Phone sex operators hang up on you. Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. May you choke on your own foolish opinions. You are a Pusillanimous galactophage and you wear your sister's training bra. Don't bother opening the door when you leave - you should be able to slime your way out underneath. I hope that when you get home your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You jetere steatopygous pilgarlick hircine whigmaleerious rhadamanthine lintlicker. I refer you to the reply given in the case of Arkell v. Pressdram. You are so clueless that if you dressed in a clue skin, doused yourself in clue musk, and did the clue dance in the middle of a field of horny clues at the height of clue mating season, you still would not have a clue. If you were a movie you would be a double feature; _Battlefield_Earth_ and _Moron_Movies_II_. You would be out of focus. You are a fiend and a sniveling coward, and you have bad breath. You are the unholy spawn of a bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel. You wear strangely mismatched clothing with oddly placed stains. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing that you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. You are jetsam who dreams of becoming flotsam. You won't make it. I beg for sweet death to come and remove me from a world which became unbearable when the bioterrorists designed you. It is hard to believe how incredibly stupid you are. Stupid as a stone that the other stones make fun of. So stupid that you have traveled far beyond stupid as we know it and into a new dimension of stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid cubed. Trans-stupid stupid. Stupid collapsed to a singularity where even the stupons have collapsed into stuponium. Stupid so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot summer day on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. It cannot be possible that anything in our universe can really be this stupid. This is a primordial fragment from the original big stupid bang. A pure extract of stupid with absolute stupid purity. Stupid beyond the laws of nature. I must apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of stupid. After this experience, you may not hear from me for a while. I don't think that I can summon the strength left to mock your moronic opinions and malformed comments about boring trivia or your other drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote, because, well ... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things to be difficult. If I had known that this was true in your case then I would have never have exposed myself to what you wrote. It just wouldn't have been "right." Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, EDLINoid, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dyspeptic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, pinguid, and Generally Not Good.

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        • [quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][b]Sorry guys centipede comin thru ...╚( ͡°[quote][/quote] ͜ʖ ͡°)╝... ╚═([quote][/quote]██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ...╚═[quote][/quote](█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ╚═(█[quote][/quote]█[quote][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███[quote][/quote])═╝ ..╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ...╚═(█[quote][spoiler][/spoiler][/quote]██)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═[quote][/quote](██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ..╚═([quote][/quote]██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ 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...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(█[quote][quote][/quote][/quote]█[quote]Lenny is love[/quote]█[quote]Lenny is life[/quote])═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ 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guys centipede comin thru ...╚( ͡°[quote][/quote] ͜ʖ ͡°)╝... ╚═([quote][/quote]██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ...╚═[quote][/quote](█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ╚═(█[quote][/quote]█[quote][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(█[url=http://www.example.com][spoiler][quote][/quote][/spoiler][/url]██)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███[quote][/quote])═╝ ..╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ...╚═(█[quote][spoiler][/spoiler][/quote]██)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═[quote][/quote](██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ..╚═([quote][/quote]██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███[quote][spoiler][url=http://www.example.com][/url][/spoiler][/quote])═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ...╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ..╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ .╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ╚═([quote][/quote]██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ╚═([quote][/quote]██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(█[quote][spoiler][url=http://www.example.com][/url][/spoiler][/quote]██)═╝ ...╚═[quote][/quote](███)═╝ ..╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)[quote][/quote]═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚[quote][/quote]═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═[quote][/quote](███)═╝ ╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(█[spoiler][/spoiler]██)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═([quote][/quote]███)═╝ ..╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ...╚═[quote][/quote](███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═([quote][/quote]███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═[quote][/quote](██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ..╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ...╚[quote][/quote]═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(█[quote][spoiler][url=http://www.example.com][/url][/spoiler][/quote]██)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███[url=http://www.example.com][quote][/quote][/url])═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(██[quote][spoiler][url=http://www.example.com][/url][/spoiler][/quote]█)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(██[quote]get rekt m8[/quote]█)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(█[quote][quote][/quote][/quote]█[quote]Lenny is love[/quote]█[quote]Lenny is life[/quote])═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚[quote][spoiler][/spoiler][/quote]═(██[spoiler][url=http://www.example.com][/url][/spoiler]█)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═([quote][/quote]██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(██[quote][[quote][quote][/quote][/quote]spoiler][/spoiler][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(██[quote][spoiler][url=http://www.example.com][/url][/spoiler][/quote]█)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(██[quote][spoiler][url=http://www.example.com][/url][/spoiler][/quote]█)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(██[quote][spoiler][/spoiler][/quote]█)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(█[quote][/quote]██)═╝ ..╚═(██[spoiler][quote][/quote][/spoiler]█)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ...╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ ╚═(███)═╝ .╚═(███)═╝ ..╚═([quote][/quote]██[quote][/quote]█)═╝ ...╚═(█[quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quote][quot/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote][/qu

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          • ▉▉▉▉▉▉◤┳◥▉▉▉▉▉▉ ▉▉▉▉▉◤┳┻┳◥▉▉▉▉▉ ▉▉▉▉◤┳┻┳┻┳◥▉▉▉▉ ▉▉▉◤┳━┳━┳━┳◥▉▉▉ ▉▉◤┳┃┈╰━╯┈┃┳◥▉▉ ▉◤┳┻╰━━━━━╯┻┳◥▉ ◤┳┻┳┻┳┻┳┻┳┻┳┻┳◥

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            • I [i]am[/i] a dragon. I will -blam!- you with a 3 foot long dick and make you love it. Then I will kill you. Eat you. And steal all your gold.

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              • I sexually identify as a sexual identifier.

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                •  sexually Identify as a wall. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of keeping people from going into other rooms and blocking their line of sight. People say to me that a person being a wall is Impossible and I'm -blam!-ing retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install doorways, electrical outlets and light switches on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Wally" and respect my right to keep people out of rooms an keep them out needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a wallophobe and need to check your house privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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                  • I sexually identify as a shitposter. Ever since I was a serious poster I dreamed of spamming ironic memes and posting copypastas. Moderators message me saying that shitposting is against the rules and they'll ban me, but I don't care, they're [url=http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law]-godwinslaw!-[/url]. I'm having the Chinese take ownership of my alt accounts, spam multiple threads for me, and hide my IP address behind several proxies. From now on I want you guys to call me "#Swagefrog" and respect my right to funpost above all and funpost needlessly. If you report me you're just mad cuz rekt and need to check to see if you've been posting memes lately.

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                    • navy seal is just reking this thread

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                    • I sexually Identify as a sexual identity. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being sexual and hot Tumblrinas sucking me. People say to me that a person being a opinion is Impossible and I'm -blam!-ing retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install bullshit, hipsterness and Tumblr on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "sexy" and respect my right to be overused and triggering. If you can't accept me you're a opiniophobe and need to check your brain privilege. Thank you for being so understanding

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                      • Christ. Navy seal is going ham on this thread

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                        • I sexually Identify as a steel beam. Ever since 9/11 I dreamed of getting drawn closer and closer to my melting point by jet fuel under the Twin Tower letting them drop on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a steel beam is Impossible and I’m -blam!-ing retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install steel beams and jet fuel on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Steel Beam” and respect my right to not melt by jet fuel and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a steeliphobe and need to check your metallic privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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                        • I sexually Identify as an M41A1 Walker Bulldog. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of roaring through rice fields and rolling over disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a light tank is Impossible and I'm -blam!-ing retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install tracks and an m32 76mm cannon on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Billdog" and respect my right to kill on the move and kill everything. If you can't accept me you're a tankophobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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                        • I sexually identify as a donger. Since I was a boy I dreamed of raising my donger and dropping hot dongers over disgusting scrubs. People tell me that a person being a donger is impossible and that I'm -blam!-ing retarded. But I don't care. I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon attach raised dongers and emojis on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Raised" and respect my right to raise my donger and raise it needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a dongerphobe and you need to check your emoji privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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                        • I sexually Identify as a PC Master Race. Ever since I was a jobless peasant I dreamed of browsing the Steam Market purchasing hot 75% off games to rub in on console plebians. People say to me that a person being a PC Master Race is Impossible and I'm -blam!-ing retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having Lord Gaben install 16gb RAM, NVidia GeForce GTX 970 and dual 1920x1080 114 fps monitors on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Alienware Gaming PC" and respect my right to flame noobs from above and flame noobs needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a gabenphobe and need to check your gamer privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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                        • I sexually identify as an Asteroid. And yes, that's Asteroid with a capital 'A' for all you haters out there. Every since I was a young kid, I always felt as if I didn't belong here, that I was supposed to be out there, cruising the belt, hard as a rock, occasionally banging into other 'Roids, forever altering their paths through space. People have always scoffed at me, telling me it's impossible to choose to be a 'Roid for I'm not made of rock and I can't live in space. Well, there will come a day when the world will be forced to acknowledge us 'Roids. You will see. One of our biggest and baddest will come crashing upon your bigoted heads and I along with my brothers will be finally at peace with our kin and free of you and we will look at the pieces of your world and laugh and say "You're not Asteroids. You're just parts of a planet one of us crashed. Hahahahah!!!"

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                        • I sexually Identify as a Gabe Newell. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of having more chins than I can count to and waiting ten years to release a crappy DLC and more cosmetics. People say to me that a person having Spy as their favourite class is Impossible and I'm -blam!-ing retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install mountains of fat, a hidden black hole in my lard to hide my billions of dollars from P2P players and tax collectors and a Steam Machine which is still in Beta on my never ending body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Lord Gaben" and respect my right to delay everything because its worth the weight. If you can't accept me you're a scrublord and need to check your LAN privilege. Thank you for being so understanding, and welcome to Team Fortress 2.

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                        • I sexually Identify as a Burrito. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being wrapped up in a tortilla giving people horrible gas. People say to me that a person being a burrito is Impossible and I'm -blam!-ing retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install corn tortillas, steaming hot beans, and melted cheese on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Chipotle" and respect my right to give you gas and give gas needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a burritophobe and need to check your mexican food privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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                        • I sexually identify as tissue paper. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of cleaning up the semen residue and other bodily fluids. People say to me that a person being tissue paper is impossible and I'm -blam!-ing retar... err.. slow learner but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon tenderize my skin, fold me into 3-ply and fluff me up for absorbency. From now on I want you guys to respect my right to wipe asses and clean mucus. If you can't accept me you're a -blam!-face and need to check your cum cleaning privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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                        • I sexually Identify as a ballistic missile submarine. People say to me that being a submarine is wrong, or even impossible. I don't care what you say, I'm beautiful. I'm having plastic surgeons and a team of engineers attach VLF radio antennas, Trident II nuclear missiles, MK. 48 torpedos and classified sonar arrays to my body. From now on you guys can call me Boomer, and I prefer "it" as a pronoun. If you can't accept me, you're being subphobic and need to check your buoyancy privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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                        • I identify myself as balloon. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the sky, free as can be. People say to me that a person being a balloon is Impossible and I'm retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install balloon material all over my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "balloon" and respect my right to fly from above and be free. If you can't accept me you're balloonphobic and need to check your ballon privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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                        • I sexually Identify as the button. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of the hands of neckbeards and grills of reddit, touching me and pressing me over and over. People say to me that a person being a button is Impossible and I'm -blam!-ing retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon make all of my skin blue and install a hinged protective plastic shield on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Benjamin" and respect my right to let redditers from all over the world put their hands all over me (once). If you can't accept me you're a buttonphobe and need to check your button privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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                        • I sexually Identify as an Neckbeard. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the Earth tipping m'fedora to beautiful m'ladies . People say to me that a person being a Neckbeard is Impossible and I'm -blam!-ing retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install anime in my veins , 30 mm fedoras and Meme o' missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "White Knight" and respect my right to meme from above and tip m'fedora when necessary . If you can't accept me you're an SJW and need to check your privilege. Arigato for being so understanding. tip

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                        • I sexually identify as a high school. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of having hundreds of hormonal, acne-ridden teens being resentful and bored inside of me. People say that a person being a high school is impossible and retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a school janitor weld me into the walls of a high school so that I can be one with it's halls. If you can't accept me you're a dropout and need to check your diploma privilege. Thanks for being so understanding.

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