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5/29/2015 2:51:08 PM
33

Variks trolls with Hunter cloaks

So last night I bought the Kings cloak from Variks because in his view mode I liked the color. Fast forward to the Equip and that double dealing fallen bastard sold me a used cloak. I equipped it only to see the bottom half was tattered and looked like It was dragged through Poo. It is officially my Poo cloak. My beautiful Hunter with Iron Banner and Osiris armor and Goldspiral can't be seen in a poo cloak. I was THIS close to getting a date with Petra and now all the Awoken in the reef are calling me poo cloak. I was mortified and decided that the Devils cloak might look better, I buy and equip and lo and behold. Another poo cloak, this one Is just red. I immediately switched to my Shining and beautiful strength of the pack but the damage was done. Variks trolled me and now my reputation with the Awoken is ruined. Damn you Variks!
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#Destiny #satire

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  • Dearest Thread Originator, When my eyes first glanced upon your rather eloquently worded treatise regarding this particular subject, it did not require much time, nay, dare I say it was in fact almost instantaneous that I was able to summarize that your post- though masterfully written with such quality that it may indeed rival the quintessential prose of authors such as Dostoevsky, Baldwin or perhaps even Joyce- was quite prolix; based upon the aforementioned conclusion, I resolved that I would exercise no more of my mental faculties in the act of comprehending the text that you had written. Sincerely, and wholly unequivocally yours, Obito. Post Scriptum, In the future it would be most advantageous, not only for me but also the other members of this forum that you provide a brief summary of your text that emphasizes the more principle points of what you have composed. Post Post Scriptum, I would also like to make one additional comment if I may. It is in my humble and most earnest opinion that you are of the caliber of person whose taste appeals to prurient interests due to unassailable fact that you are a homosexual of the most flamboyant persuasion.

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    • OK. U can still put on the sexy eris morn cloak. U know the one. "Burlap bag lady" Cloak of the homeless. Dusk torn. Etc

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      • lmao

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      • "Posts like this are why Jesus invented the Internet" - Benjamin Franklin

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        • Oh, so it's you all the Awoken are talking about. Lol!

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        • Well duh, Mr. Poo Cloak! Of course he gave you that cloak, you were totally going after Petra and you know he's got the hots for her - EVERYONE knows he's got the hots for her. You're totally walking on rival territory. He's always aking me to bring him up when I next have girl time with her, he'd totally not want to help you look good in front of her. He's totally been in the the line for her way before you ever came on the scene. But between you and me I totally get the feeling she's not into guys if you know what I mean, I don't know maybe she is but she talks about the Queen far more than anyone else... Don't tell Varkis tho, I don't know how he'd handle it :/

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        • But dat popped collar tho

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        • I bought them all and was let down

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        • *shrug* I like the tattered look on my cloaks. The really long and fresh ones look silly to me, like the guardian hasn't really been in battle. Less personality or something. It's the collar that bothers me on those cloaks. But I understand some people like the more whole cloaks. There are lots of options for that look already though. Mixing it up seems good to me.

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          • Petra's mine bro back off she likes Titans

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            • Worse still the hood gives you a bowl cut.

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            • Poo cloak HYPE

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            • Lol

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            • Edited by an engram full of bees: 5/29/2015 3:55:57 PM
              http://m.memegenerator.net/instance/58020707

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              • At least you don't have Warlock bonds #spacewizardproblems

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                • Oh hey poo cloak guy! Xûr was talking about you last week!

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                • I bought the King's Cloak as well because the color matched my armor scheme and I liked the little symbol on the back. When I equipped it, I immediately regretted my decision. I have the Celestial Nighthawk helmet... I looked like a bloody 80's hipster bird (popped collar and everything). I had the sudden urge to say "Eyyyy" fly to the old tower to wack the jukebox there.

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                • Edited by FearsomeMonster: 5/29/2015 5:03:14 PM
                  I had this brouhaha with Variks. I said to him, "Hey you're selling me dirty merchandise. Why can't I get a clean cloak for my money? Can't you throw the damn thing in the washer?" So Variks says 'yesssss- I can dooooo that....' So he puts it in the washer. I come back, and Variks says putting the cloak in the washer, with it being all tattered, reduced it to shreds. But he is [i]still[/i] going to charge me for it! I call him a swindler. He says '"The signnn says 'AS IS'." I say, 'what sign?' He points at it, and I say, "I thought that said "ASIS", and it was the brand name, like MIDA. DO NOT BUY ANYTHING FROM VARIKS- HE IS A SWINDLER. I even think my Kellhunter's Rally Gauntlets are leaking some kind of oil......

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                  • Oh are you 'poo cloak guy'? I heard them talking s**t about you. But seriously- what about the front? The baby blue one looks like a frayed, tattered baby blanket in the front. I want to wear them because they are new and fresh....but I don't want to. Now I just pretend to forget to equip them and use my good 'ol AOS cryptid......

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                  • Gotta join the wolves

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                  • Edited by iAm5sTaR: 5/29/2015 4:30:56 PM
                    The new hunter cloaks literally make you look retarded. Who the -blam!- designs these, anyways?

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                  • I hate the hood and frilly collar on the Variks cloaks.

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                  • It looks retarded anyway

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                  • Edited by Th3Element05: 5/29/2015 3:44:38 PM
                    Honestly, I don't know what the game designers obsession with torn up ratty old armor is about. Half of the Warlock robes are ripped to shreds at the bottom, and many are missing half of the robe on one side. Half of the Hunter cloaks are ripped to shreds at the bottom as well. Some Titan marks have this issue, but not as many as Warlocks and Hunters suffer with. Most of this stuff its [b]Legendary[/b] gear! If I'm spending valuable currency, Marks, Motes, Tokens, on this stuff, I'd like it to not look like it's been previously used by a homeless man. The problem is exacerbated by the [b]terrible[/b] preview screen. You can't see the bottom of a Hunter's cloak, or the front with the shape of the hood (this new model is ugly, if you ask me). You can't see the bottom of the Warlock robes, either. Not just because I'd like to know if something is a nasty used POS before I buy it, but there are so many different styles of the bottom of the river that it would be very helpful to know what I'm getting before I buy it. The problem with gloves/grips/gauntlets is that each arm is almost always different, but you can only see the left arm in the preview. A nice simple change to improve the situation would be to improve the item preview screen. Let us zoom in/out and rotate our character when previewing items, or just pull up the regular character model that we can rotate, anything with more control would be an improvement. As for fixing the hobo quality of the armor, it probably shouldn't be removed entirely, because I'm sure that some players really like that look. But I definitely don't like it. Do it like the helmets in social spaces, put an option in the settings to toggle "Wartorn Armor" on or off. Done. Then you can design the armor to be whole and clean, and then let your hobo designers ruin it for the Wartorn version.

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                    • Wouldn't be the first time a vendor has sold a shit cloak

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                    • I think the Devils Cloak looks badass..

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