I recommend staying out of this thread.

As long as I am able to Praise the Sun!

Cellar door is the most beautiful phrase in the English language. I don't think all the mods are corrupt. I think there might just be one guy who's just being a big meanie.

What he says is true. Many years ago, when I was but a young lad, I wanted more than anything to be a Bungie.net Forum Moderator. All of my posts were grammatically correct, I began to grow out my beard at the age of seven, and I had even picked out the custom avatar I would wear once my greatest dreams were fulfilled. It was a photo of me outside Dazarobbo's window, admiring him as he hungrily stalked the forums, searching for even the slightest of infliction so he may exercise his well-deserved authority over The Flood. Years passed to no avail, never even being invited to Bobcast's birthday parties, although I would send him drawings of him and I hanging out with Achronos and Master Chief each year. Of course, I was unable to send these gifts through the mail as the foolish post office workers would always tell me there was no man by the name of Bobcast, to which I responded by urinating on the welcoming mat, and so I instead hand-delivered my drawings to the nearest gynecologist clinic where Bobcast was sure to find them. But despite the grueling challenges I faced, I would not be swayed in my journey. The Great Jouney to become a mighty moderator of the beautiful bearded Bungie.net forum moderation team. It wasn't until a few years later that I realized how stupid I had been in my ever fruitless efforts. I was just an immature child at the time. But I had since grown into a mature, intelligent adult. And so, being the fully grown man I was at now twelve years old, I knew I was better equipped to pursue my goal. I had recently been informed of a top secret foolproof way to gain others' affection by a love guru. And with my newfound knowledge, my plan was set into motion. After toasting two slices of white bread for precisely one minute and seventeen seconds, I delicately placed them into a white envelope and mailed them to Bungie employee Stosh. After waiting several weeks with no reply, I realized that the post office workers were again attempting to thwart my efforts, and so I repeated the mailing process again and again at exactly 69 different post offices. Finally, after three months, I finally received a letter back from my sweet love, Stosh. Just as the guru had directed, I located a secure environment before viewing the letter's contents, this being my uncle's private dungeon of adventure. As I opened the letter in giddy excitement, I was shocked to find not intimate pictures of my dearly beloved Stosh, but disturbing images of horse genitalia with the words "Horse vag is best vag" scribbled all over. I also later recieved a package with all 138 slices of toast inside, and a sheet of paper detailing how I would be tracked down by a military veteran and killed. I spent the next month posting only in the Help subforums, reaching out to my dear friend Foman123 for assistance. Although he had never replied to any of my several hundred private messages, there was an undeniable bond between he and I. However, after the 57th consecutive thread, I was banned from the Bungie.net Forums until the year 3557. There must have been an accident of some kind, causing Foman to lose his memory of all the great memories we shared. I spiraled into a deep depression, being separated from my best friends amongst the Bungie moderation team. I'm certain that Shacker and Duardo were even worse off than me, surely pleading with the now insane Foman at every waking moment. I spent all of my time hidden away in my closet where I had an effigy of Shishka, who I was certain was secretly my biological father. I would kneel before the monument and yell repeatedly toward the heavens, "Why have you betrayed me, Father!?" until my voice inevitably gave out. I cried myself to sleep each night as I listened to Martin O'Donnell on constant repeat, praying for a miracle. Time passed like this for awhile, until Christmas Eve was so suddenly upon me. And then it hit me; Santa Claus! I was well aware of the magic that large man possessed, not to mention his beautiful beard. And so I concocted the perfect plan. I would kill Santa Claus and steal not only his magic, but also shave his beard and add it onto my own already lengthy beard. I would be able to give Foman his memories back, return to my dear friends within the moderation team, exact my revenge on the evil post office staff, and perfect my glorious beard. Achronos himself would beg me to join the Forum Moderation team! I prepared myself. I dressed in full black like the ninja I was born to be. Practiced throwing ninja stars at the Camnator dart board I had made myself. Prepared a 27 page speech I would read to the forum moderation team upon my return, hand written in orange crayon. I even forced my mom to rebake the cookies again and again until the smell was tantalizingly irresistible, which I later coated in rat poison in case the fat, red man proved too poweful for me to defeat. And before I knew it, darkness had filled the sky, foreshadowing the upcoming duel. I waited patiently in the dark corner of my living room, as any self-respecting ninja would. Although I began to grow drowzy, it wasn't long before the sound of footsteps could be heard trotting upon the roof of my house, signaling the trespassing wizard's arrival. Being as experienced as he surely was, he snuck down the chimney with delicate skill and landed softly, entering almost theatrically into my living room. Although the room was entirely dark, I was able to see with my trained eyes every small detail. The great man stood tall, with his gut protruding forward, stretching the strong fabric of his red suit. His large feet surrounded by the black leather of his boots. Surprisingly though, he was wearing a red hood that covered his face, but his majestic mane could be clearly seen resting upon his chest. My mouth began to water at the anticipation of that incredible beard instead clinging to my face. "Santa Claus," I thought to myself, "prepare your orifices". The time was now. I readied myself to attack. But just as I was about to strike, the large man bellowed out, "I know you're there". My eyes grew wide in surprise, and I realized that this would prove more difficult than I had hoped. After gathering myself, I stepped out of the shadowy corner and out into the center of the living room, facing my opponent. He said to me, "Do you truly believe you can defeat me?" "I know I can," I said as I stepped closer. "I was born to be a ninja, a member of the Bungie.net Forum Moderation Team". He laughed a mighty "Ho ho ho!" "You will never be one of us," he said. Confused, I responded, "One of us?" It was then that the intimidating figure before me lifted his hand and pulled back his red hood, revealing his face. My own face detailed a horror like which I had never known as I stammered back and tripped, falling to the ground. The man walked slowly toward me, wearing a malevolent and satified grin upon his face. I stuttered but eventually managed to yell out, "Recon!?" He laughed greatly and unashamedly at my fear, relishing in his own power. "You were never one of us. You'll never be a ninja, and you'll never be a member of the Bungie.net Forum Moderation Team!" I look down at the floor in pure shock, unable to process what all is happening, as Recon reaches into his large red sack and pulls out a massive, space-age hammer. "And by the way, Stosh sends his regards." I look up at him and almost inaudibly mutter, "...no..." And then it was all over.

I'm in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Read this as: "Modz are corporate"