[b]Note[/b] [i]"Boon" is not a member of Bungie.net, nor does he go by a gamertag anywhere relatively close to Boon. His existence is debatable, and some feel that he is a figment of my imagination, created entirely as a means of enlightening the Halo 3 community of certain habits through heavy satire. I say this to prevent my thread from being locked again. For those of you familiar with the old thread, there have been a few paragraphs added near the end.[/i] [b]On with the post![/b] Let me tell you about Boon, the proud, “unproud” Halo 3 player. Boon is certain that he is the best at the game, and never legitimately loses individual battles. In fact, Boon only dies when a)His opponents get lucky. b)His opponents use the AR at close range (He believes that it is a cheap, garbage weapon that should be removed. No weapon should be better than the Battle Rifle in any scenario). Or c)One of the tremendous amount of flaws cheats him out of his kill. Despite his ridiculous amount of skill, Boon is not a General—or even reasonably close to it. This lack of achievement is ok, however, because Boon feels that there is no such thing as a legitimate General. If it were possible to become a General through the current Ranking system, he would certainly be one. All Generals are poorly skilled boosters in Boon’s eyes. They’re also subject to terrible lag, why else would they be able to beat him every time he challenges them to 1v1 matches? None of this matters, he doesn’t care about becoming a General. Boon does feel that the sole purpose anyone would purchase a game is for the satisfaction of showboating your rank. All of that "fun" chicanery is an excuse that poorly skilled players use to continue their online experience. This is why he has purchased multiple accounts in an attempt to reach General. It is not his fault that Bungie created a terrible ranking system that stops ranking people up once they stop winning. If he made a ranking system, he would definitely be a level 50. This is why he obsesses over getting a level 50. It’s ok though, because he doesn’t really care. Boon is not a hypocrite. After all, he doesn’t know what the word means. Boon has the letters MLG in his gamertag. He does this in order to let people know that he plays by MLG rules, and therefore must be a considerably good player. His gamertag also has the letter “X” in it 32 times, and the letters “BR.” He feels that all gamertags should be as elite as his own. Boon feels that Call of Duty 4 is infinitely better than Halo 3 will ever be. He feels the need to express this strong opinion on the Bungie forums regularly, because his opinions are always right. He only plays Halo 3 more often just because. Boon never misses a Headshot with the sniper rifle. The only times he doesn’t get a headshot are the times that the poorly made game does not register his hits, or it was a body shot—but that’s only because his opponent made him miss due to cheap AR hits. Boon uses his Sniper like a shotgun, then complains when he is stopped. Bungie really needs to fix their hit box issues. Boon trash talks prior to every match, and in the post game lobby of every match. He does this because he is fully aware that anyone below level 51 is clearly poorly skilled and will not beat him. Boon is not a twelve year old—or younger, thank you very much. He absolutely despises them and their loud trash talking. Only people his age should be able to speak so vulgarly. Boon also thinks that the AU2 will suck, just like all content released by Bungie. He feels that they clearly don’t know how to make a game. He knows that they’ve secretly held the maps back since 2003 just to make a little extra cash. They were all clearly made in a day. He shouldn’t have to pay for new content. Boon feels that anyone using an Elite Armor Permutation is a terrible player/ 5 year old (this goes double for Team Swat). He feels that they have an extreme advantage over Spartans and should be removed from the game. He feels that they're just as bad as they were in Halo 2--he's never played the game, but has heard stories. In fact, he feels that it was only ever remotely ok to be an Elite when he and his entire team first discovered the hitbox difference, only to change back to spartans weeks later when Swat Elites were declared uncool. Boon dedicates the majority of his days to Halo 3. He's usually on in the mornings before he brushes his teeth or eats any breakfast. He tracks pro players online and participates in multiple game battle teams. He also usually goes to sleep at 3:00am, only giving up gameplay when he's realized that he's been falling asleep. He's not obsessed, but merely has mild persistence when it comes to Halo 3. It's only the people who beat him--by cheating, obviously--that have no lives. Boon has a life and does tons of things outside of Halo 3. Tons of things. Boon doesn't understand why anyone would play campaign mode. He feels that it is a terrible storyline all together. Again, he's never played any campaign mode throughout the series (except to unlock Hayabusa, of course), but he has heard plenty of stories and complaints. He ignores those who enjoyed the campaign mode because they don't know what they're talking about. Boon also doesn’t read walls of text, feeling that anything important enough to say can be said in an incomplete sentence. Thank you for reading about Boon. I hope he doesn’t sound too familiar. [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=24506041&postRepeater1-p=1]Original Post[/url] [Edited on 08.10.2008 10:39 AM PDT]