In giant blocks, without quote boxes because that would be huge. Proof for punctuation errors, redunancy, and awkward word choice; I only got through the very beginning for that, and pointed out some of the more egregious examples or ones that just bothered me for some reason.. "Canis Lupus, a beautiful canine with a gray coat tinted with white and black, flourishing in the wind. With her glossy black claws pointing out of her paws, used to help her in all her endeavors. Striking silver eyes that glisten in the shadow of the moon, and the bright light of the sun. Always cautious, always alert, even as she rests. Picking up an unusual sent from them. " None of these are sentences. You are not a professional writer, you should not use sentence fragments. Don't switch tenses, this is really important! "She is a gentle creature, roaming the forests; taking in all that nature gives her. Her hunting is a vivid demonstration of how wolves are well adapted to their surroundings. She distinguishes friend from foe, enemy from ally. Always cautious, always alert, even as she rests. As they leaped from step to step, the snow collected along their sides, shaking it off they continued to pace near the pack. As they were about to calm down and huddle around the pups, flashing lights came flickering from the distance. Bombastic noises were coming from each side of the pack. The lights flashed brighter, and brighter as they came closer and closer to where they were. Lips started to rise as her sharpened white teeth started to appear. The blood circulating through her body made her heart race like no other." Revise for word choice/awkwardness/making sense. Heart race like no other is a particularly bad offender. "She was a respected part of the pack, taking on the responsibilities of a mother, a friend, and an adversary." Adversary makes no sense. "Limping, becoming conscious, she walks in the direction of the sound of running water. As she lingers closer to the stream she notices that the water is frozen over." You can't hear water if it's frozen over. "She starts to walk along side the river trying to find a place where it has not yet become polar; luckily there is a small rift in the icy stream allowing her to access the water." Polar is incorrect word choice, access is awkward, and I don't quite follow the rift. Rifts don't just spontaneously form, it's [b]cold[/b]. "Risking the ice-cold touch of the water she takes another try at drinking the spring." You said it was a stream, now you're calling it a spring. There's a difference. Gah, present tense! "Kiki looks up to the kids, thinking of her pups, she rests her paw in Bri’s open hand." Ugh. Wolves rarely attack humans, but stay away from such cliche Hallmark stuff. You've already heavily anthropomorphized this wolf, taking it to this level is unbelievable and sickeningly sacharrine. A real wolf would run away from people. Even if it doesn't perceive them to be a threat, they are strange and it's not something it would risk without a strong incentive, like food. [Edited on 02.08.2008 12:35 AM PST]