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12/12/2014 1:56:27 AM
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Bungie Weekly Update - 12/11/2014

[url=/en/News/News?aid=12465]Bungie Weekly Update - 12/11/2014 [/url]
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#News #Destiny

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  • Here's the main point. We all spent $60(+) dollars for 60% of a game that was 100% complete. We recently paid $20 for an additional 20% for Darkness Below, and we will most likely pay $20 for the last 20% in the House of Wolves DLC. Every time you pay to reserve a game, pre-buy DLC, or crap in the woods, you empower video game companies to give you less. Example: I am 100% done creating my video game: Cocaine Sex Party, and it is due out in stores Feb 1st, 2015. It is fully jam packed with Midget Sex Wheel, Adventures of Davey Co-Crocket™, and a campaign story based on a nude male scouring the wilderness for animals to kill, and clothe himself with. All gamers are super excited about my 100% complete game (and why shouldn't they be) and they are flocking to their local Game Stop's, Best Buy's, strip clubs and opium dens to pre-order it, because when you pre-order it for the low, low cost of $5 you get a special in-game cod piece shader. Well, I'm not making these family friendly games for charity. I'm using the proceeds from my sales to afford the lifestyle that I want! (My dwarfs aren't going to regale THEMSELVES in bear pelts amirite?) So, upon seeing that you suckers have raised the pre-orders of Cocaine Sex Party to impressive heights, I start thinking "Well, crap...I'm pretty much guaranteed those pre-order sales. Based on those numbers alone, my game is going to break records, why not hold back Midget Sex Wheel, and Adventures of Davey Co-Crocket™, and then sell them to those suckers as future DLC for $20 a piece!. I'll include all the programming for Midget Sex Wheel, and Adventures of Davey Co-Crocket™ in the original game they purchase, but them have them download a 5 megabyte file that unlocks them at the time I feel my DLC should be released!" Now, all you suckers are locked in. Especially you poor bastards in college that only really buy one game a year. You're invested, and want so desperately for the next DLC, and the NEXT DLC to make the game what you were told it would originally be, while I, the developer, am sitting here happy as a cocaine addled nudist because I sold you 60% of the original game for full retail price, and then kept you thinking and the industry abuzz about my game by selling you the last 2 tranches of the game at $20 a piece. Now you finally have 100% of the game, and I turned what should have been a $60 sales price into $100 (60 +20 +20) (Ican add crap ALL. DAY. LONG!) (SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST!!) It's not magic, people! It's not circumstantial, or accidental...it's just awesome marketing. I'll tell you right now, I'm not above this practice! If I could create and sell you a car today for full price, and then 3 months later sell you a gas tank as an upgrade, and then three months later sell you a steering wheel as an upgrade, I sure as hell would. As in, you are all sheep to the slaughter, I'm just hoping I have an opportunity to take advantage of your awesome group-think at some point. Point being, I'm voting for Ralph Nader in 2016, because I'M DEAD SERIOUS!! What I'm getting at is, all I want for Christmas is for the courts to quit convicting me of nudity in court rooms. God Bless Narwhal, and God Bless the Unites States of America Because I'm Dead Serious!!!!! Hate By Numbers for President 2020 -This message was sponsored by Jew's and Gentile's Who Support Hate By Numbers for President 2020-

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