Hunter:
You are a Hunter. Brash and flashy. You saw this class and it gave you a bountyhunter-y feel. You obsess over your hood and you would be pissed if your melee didn't involve a knife. You're either dead silent or too damn loud. There's a 60% chance your character is a female because you might be a little sexually confused, but you don't tell anyone that. You insist their hit box is smaller than the male body type as an excuse. You often jump into a horde of enemies with knife drawn, only to be revived by your Titan brethren. You rock the hand cannon, but you can't hit diddly-squat, so you switch to auto rifle when no one is looking. You insist you're precise, but you'd trade your sniper for a shotgun any day. Unless it's icebreaker. That thing is beast. Nothing will stop you from dancing when you capture the flag. Oh yes, you also insist you're the most skillful, but you mash buttons repeatedly, taking out an entire enemy of teams with a lightning blade. But it's okay. You have a cool cape! Does it come in men's sizes?
Titan:
You are a Titan. Self-reliant and strong. Your lack of personality and overload of testosterone made you pick the armored-warrior class. Your girlfriend is your right hand, and she's jealous of how much attention your enemies face gets with that right hand punch. When the going gets tough, you blame the Hunter for, well, being a Hunter, and blame the Warlock for not being a Titan. You lead your fireteam into the vault like Colonel Custer himself. You ask the Warlocks to push Atehon off, and then complain after the raid about how no one wants to do the raid legitimately. Your IQ is the length of your penis in inches + the amount of days you've spent playing crucible divided by your age. You dominate with your supers in crucible, but you're exotic weaponry is enough to take care of people. Everyone envies your armor, but without shaders, you'd just be another storm trooper. Are the Vex the droids you are looking for?
Warlock:
You are a Warlock. Powerful and intelligent. You don't go for capes or armor, you want that bathrobe. Your wide range of magical abilities makes your guns look like a pea-shooter, and you complain that's what your gun feels like. You've convinced yourself that you're higher up than the Titan because he's intellectually inferior, and you think the Hunter might be trying to get into your face, so you decide to silently judge them much like a [url=http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law]-godwinslaw!-[/url] or Simon Cowell. There's a 50% chance your an Exo, and a 50% chance you're a huge geek. You lack the Hunter's bravery to dive into battle and the Titan's bravery to go revive him, so you place it chicken and self revive when necessary. That self revive does come in handy when giving the enemy a free extra kill in the crucible. You're considered a noob for pushing Atehon off the edge, but you must be skillful if it took you 30 damn minutes to finally get it right and push him off. You could be described as that one awkward guy that fantasizes a lot and there's a 19% chance you'd wear a fedora. Nice Warlocks finish last, don't they Neo?
BONUS- The Destiny Player:
You spent your cold hard (parents cash or child's college money) earnings on this incomplete game, and you're fine with that. You honestly expect to get random exotics, but that won't happen. You either enjoy Peter Dinklage's voice acting or gave this game a 4/10 on gamespot. When you finally do get an exotic you hold it close, and when Xur sells it you cry out loud for it to be nerfed, much like a small child begging for candy in a grocery store. You either enjoy Doritos or don't play this game enough. You think your posts on the forum will actually matter, but only other kids on at 11 PM will care. Thank god this game wasn't rated M right? You were upset by the expansion pack being sold the same day as the game, but you bought it anyways...didn't you squidward?
I hope you enjoyed this little joke. Feel free to add your own stereotypes below. Try not to argue too much, remember it's all just a joke. We should all be more comfortable bashing each other's class instead of crying about it on the forums. Thanks for reading!
English
#Destiny
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Hey guys just trying to spread the good word. I'm in the industry and spoke with a gent at Bungie (no names), on the issues they are looking to fix, having NOTHING to do with the weekly update last Friday. After reading this, I just wonder why they couldn;t be more honest with both PS4 and XB1 players! http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/77927615/0/0/1 You're welcome
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You forgot about the titan being a total meathead. "I pick things up and put them down" other than that 10/10
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Why does everyone assume the super soldiers are the dumb ones?
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*slow claps* i like this thread. There will be guys getting butt hurt over this. On a side note do other Warlocks really run from a fight?
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Thorn
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Your all just super jelly of my comfortable bathrobe!! Admire the robe and the seemingly out of place force push... Admire them!!
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Titans are for the slightly educated crowd who don't think they act and often end up getting shot down after many minutes of fire. There similar to big blocks of metal Hunters are little fragile guys who turn to there butter knife blade with superior agility but sadly there speed means nothing when there damage ranges from 1 - 10 Warlocks are demigods with there self resurrecting powers and there nova bomb of death. We are like a combination of hunters and titans except we can weld the power of the stars
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This was hilarious. I'm pretty much angry at everyone for not being a Titan. I do brag about my full armory of exotics and having the 'War Machine' thing going for me rather than space magic. I can't tell if I'm dumb or not, because I've inflicted so much brain damage by punching people that it probably just levels out.
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Loved it all. Spot on with the Warlocks. lol
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Get a life bra, u think way to far and take this too siriously :'D
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Very well written :) Warlock Exo Sunsinger reporting in.
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I'm a warlock all about my sunsinger, run into battle guns blazing and if I happen to die in a sh@t storm of bullets I crank up my fireborn, knock the closest enemy away with scorch, and make it rain nades. If I die again its always nice to have a hunter with blink around or a pissed off super charged titan.
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I wanna laugh, but this is too accurate..
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Clap...clap well said.
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That bathrobe shit was golden. 10/10 would bang again.
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-blam!-ing hilarious.
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I'm a Titan and I like this! Another!
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well done i like it pretty much nailed what i think the classes are. haha
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+11 for Warlocks and fedoras.
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My life for Aiur
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... (Hunter player)
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To lazy to read but I think long story short you hate people like me that hate hunters. Well not hate hunters but more like think every class is more useful than hunters
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Titans=Lenny
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This is great.
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your awesome.
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giles, youre famous lolololol #trending