I am certain nobody will read this but i felt compelled to write it for myself and post it anyways. Let me preface this by saying i in no way judge those who continue to use recreational drugs for any reason whatsoever. In fact i know a few people myself who drink, smoke pot, or take mind altering substances with seemingly no ill affects beyond the actual intoxication. Like everything in life it comes down to choices and what works for one person may not work for others. This is certainly not limited to drug use and can apply to basically anything in life really.
A few days ago was my 18th month sober From various substances which i won't list for the sake of not glorifying it. Things have changed so much and at the same time not at all. The thing is i still get high. That may sound weird but life is about getting high really. Don't believe me? well just remember the next time you eat, smoke a cig, have sex, smell something you enjoy, listen to a song, exercise, or basically anything that makes you feel good.....congratulations you just got high. I could bore you with all sorts of information about the chemicals in the brain and details as to why it's true but lets move on.
The thing about being clean and sober is i had to find something to replace my drug use because there was a reason i used drugs. Initially it was because they felt amazing but it ended up turning into something different entirely. The reason for use became avoidance. From something as simple as avoiding responsibilities to worrying about bills to basically avoiding feeling any emotion i didn't enjoy at the time. Once sober a wave of emotions i had left unfinished over many years washed over me and i had to wade through them all, only this time i was much more weak in the mind and spirit from all the substance abuse. Needless to say this was a daunting task and very....VERY painful. The suffering isn't important in detail as long as you can grasp that it was intense is sufficient. However it taught me many important lessons. The number one lesson was that suffering itself is perhaps life's greatest teacher. Winding my way down the dark paths of self loathing and regret, to guilt and shame...and even to physical discomfort i could not escape, shattered the illusion of me being...well...so important. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of breaking through the illusion of the ego in this lifetime even if only for a brief few seconds. The effect it had on my life was instantly profound and wonderful all in the same dizzying moment.
Suffering allowed me a chance to truly appreciate the pain of others. It is through this moment(or perhaps many moments) i was allowed to grow an essential part of me that i had skipped over. Empathy, sympathy and true joy in the accomplishments of others. Today i see so many people caught up in themselves and it makes me sad. The real jail sentence of selfishness is never knowing the endless depth of joy you can have once you care for others as much as you care for yourself. Which leads me back to my original point(sobriety obviously has not helped my attention span!) My new drug of choice, my new "high" has been the pursuit of helping others. From something as trivial as advice, or time in the day set aside for the worries of somebody else. To something as intense as helping somebody cope with the loss of a loved one. This is a truly endless source of happiness and the best part is it's free and available to everyone. Needless to say i have gone off on a rant i actually didn't intend to but i hope anyone who stumbles across this can walk away from it with a renewed sense of hope for whatever they happen to be struggling with today, and i am so proud of myself i had to brag somewhere. Remember to take time for somebody today. Listen with your whole heart, open your mind to the others around you. Life is so much better when we are all connected instead of holding each other at a distance. Don't lose track of others in your mad pursuit to get more, have more, be more. There is no winners in this race, only people. and each and every one of them matters just as much as you do.
much love to you all and may your engrams always be purple friend =)™
-§mort§-
P.S. Yes video games(even destiny) are just as amazing, if not more amazing, sober lol
(Edit: Wow thanks for all the uplifting comments and things. I love that i ranted in some totally random place and total strangers took time out of their day to say something positive, it really means lots)
(Edit 2: jeez....so many people responded im really just overwhelmed. Remember to do something amazing and nice for somebody today, that was supposed to be the real message behind my post and i really hope it shines through rather than just going on about sobriety)
(Edit 3: It seems a few people are sort of worked up that this is in the #destiny section on a forum about a video game. All i can say is i really did think this was going to just be a post that got buried in thousands of others and made it sort of for myself. I spend a little time each day checking these forums for things about the game and felt compelled to write this out. With all the negative things i see littering these forums it actually seems sort of perfect that something totally positive would make a small mark here so i'm glad it did)
English
#Offtopic
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Nice man goodluck just for today
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You should celebrate with a couple of beers
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Why do you keep spamming the TM shit?
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Good job man! Keep going for the rest of your life!!!
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Congrats :D
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Edited by StarcideTV: 10/26/2014 6:21:49 AMCongratulations man. It takes a lot of fortitude to stand up and make a change. I quit drinking back in March when I got picked up for drunk in public. I can honestly say I didn't drink a whole lot, but when I did the party never stopped until I passed out. I was in Detox for two and a half days and that was when I made a decision that have made me a better man. I'm more passionate, emotional and happier than I was when I drank. I still party with friends, but now I drink a pop or water and have a even better time. I never joined a program, but I can honestly say to anyone who isn't happy with the way their life is going that help is out there. The first step is the hardest, but you can stand and brave through the hard times things get better.
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Congratulations, dude. Addiction is something people like to look down upon and laugh at from their pearly white high-horses, but unless you've been a part of it, you never understand how demoralizing and helpless you can feel. It's real easy to say "well, just don't do it". But shit happens, and people make mistakes that can affect them the rest of their lives. Beating any addiction.. from gambling to heroin.. is an achievement that takes every ounce of your determination, conviction, and strength you have. It requires finding a part of yourself that many of the people laughing will never accomplish themselves as the sit on their couches, Doritos in hand. So keep going strong, dude. -blam!- the haters. And welcome to Bnet.
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Im soo proud of ya man.... i kinda want to cry like for real... well thanks for banishing my manliness... jk. (I would put a smiley face but looks like someone trademarked it)
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Noice m8!
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Congrats
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I'm celebrating 22 years sober. No one celebrates me never getting drunk. :(
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Good for you.
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By learning this, you're a better men then most of people on earth. If everybody could thinks as you done even after few time being in the dark side, this could save humanity! Keep it up, lache pas la patate like we say in Quebec!!!
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Hey man! Amazing! Wait to fight and keep up the hard and good work! Stay strong just like you are now!
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I like how all your smileys have trademarks
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Thanks for the encouraging words and congratulations on 18 months man. Keep it up!
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Well done!!! When things get rough, think of when you made this thread and the pride of your accomplishment. Let it help carry you through. Best wishes that things continue to get better for you.
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Right on dude!
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Congrats brother:)
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congratulations, what an accomplishment!!!! please treat yourself to a steak dinner on me, ill pay next time i see you... jk you should be proud guardian.
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Good shit bro on Oct 24, was my 18 months too. Just got a sweet key tag
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Awesome! Keep at it. It's for your own good. :)
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Good job dude. Why don't we celebrate with a drink?
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Celebrate with a beer!
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Grats bro. The era of mini-milestones is over. The pink-cloud passes away and before you is a future of richness and depth unavailble to those lost in an endorphine haze. Stay focused and above all, don't get cocky. It's easy, especially over time, to stop identifying one's self as the same person you were when you were using. Here's an analogy I like: Your disease is like a tiger in a cage- starve it long enough and it weakens... quiets down... but it never dies. It just waits. Waits for an oportunity to break free. Pacient and always altert. And damn hungry. Careful not to feed it with other addictions as that gives it strength. GL!