This just in: A local hiker saw this terrible scene in the aftermath of what can only be described as "omgwtfisthatsmell?" He was hiking on a trail he says he goes down every week, when he saw millions of fish washed up on the beach. He rushed to their aid, but they refused it.
"They would not go back to the lake, after it came out as gay" the hiker reports.
"So I like getting it on with other bodies of water! What does that matter?" Said the lake in response to this occurrence "I do not care what happened to them, it was their loss. They brought it upon themselves" the lake responded before looking back at the millions of dead fish.
The question remains, what are we to do if this continues? Are we to repress the lakes so that they do not reveal their true feelings? Or how can we get the fish to remain in their habitats when they realize the feelings of the lake? This is local news-person James R. Shuffletin, reporting out.