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8/20/2014 10:50:59 PM
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Anybody who trolls, baits, spams, or shockposts is a pathetic excuse for a human being

It is the lowest of the low. Whoever gets some sort of joy out of confusing or horrifying people on the internet, whether or not the victim deserves it, is simply a sad little person and most likely some fat sweaty guy clouding up his monitor by exhaling on it with his disgusting Mountain Dew and Cheetos infused death mist he has the audacity to call "his breath."

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  • Jeez, who jizzed in your Cheerios?

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    • Dammit OP, I was having a good day.

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    • u just called urself pathetic lololololololol

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      • #theironyisreal

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      • MEEEE PORK EMPEROR MEEEE EXPECT INTERNET TO BEE NICE TO MEEEE

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      • Edited by Masshole: 8/23/2014 12:14:48 AM
        Possibility for that might be that there are just natural born assholes out there. Just like myself. You want to assume all the things you said about the people you're talking about? Go ahead, doesn't affect my life in anyway. Also, it is a very bad assumption to associate the people like that with the classic stereotypes. Why should I care about some random dipshit on the Internet raging about other random dipshits? That's right, it's because I don't.

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      • Hugs? Hugs

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        • OP got trolled and is butthurt.

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        • Closetobeingmuted/10

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        • How about the peeples who likes the animes women? Instead of the reals womens?

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        • The irony here is palpable.

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        • And I thought you loved me :(

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          • Youre a 4yr nobody, called porch emperor, who the hell cares about what you have to say?

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            • If you ever get pissed off by a random guy on the internet, then I think your priorities need to change

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              • Edited by Raw Sugar: 8/20/2014 11:22:23 PM
                The irony is delicious. [spoiler]gr8 b8 m8[/spoiler]

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                • I baited in the shower last night.

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                • What about people who shitpost?

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                  • Are you trying to start stuff because that's bait

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                    • *Slow clap* lol, ur a fgt.

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                      • "I hate people who hate people." - said the hypocrite [spoiler]This has been a paraphrasing of all things Porch Emperor, brought to you courteously by your forum neighbor, CrazyItalian![/spoiler]

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                      • >It all started with a misunderstanding “Hey. Can I sit with you girls?” They just stare at you for a few seconds, then draw together in a huddle, leaning over the cafeteria table. You can't make out what they're whispering. “Did he just say what I think he said?” “He did! He said he wants to shit with us!” “How'd he even find out about it?” “M-maybe Twilight said something?” “Well what're we gonna do? Should we tell him to get lost?” “Oh, you're all just being silly! If we let Sunny into the group, there's no reason why he can't come along too.” “Well, if Twilight was okay with him ….” “But he's a boy!” “Heehee! Yeah, I know!” “Pinkie! We said we weren't gonna make this weird!” “Spoil sport.” “She's right though, Pinkie. Ain't nothin' about this that's… y'know, perverted or nothin'. Just a bunch of friends getting together and… takin' care of business.” “Y-yes, that's true. P-perfectly natural.” “Well… I guess it isn't that big of a deal.” “Even if he is a… boy.” All six of them turn to you at once, and Rarity speaks up. “Well, alright, Anonymous, we don't mind including you. If you're sure about this, that is.” You raise an eyebrow and sit your tray down at the corner of the table. “Uh, thanks?” You begin to eat, but Dash sends you a glare, then leans across to grumble at you. “Tonight's the night. We'll be taking Rarity's car out to AJ's place after school, so don't keep us waiting.” You lower your spoon and stare with wide eyes at the opposite wall. “Ooooo… kay?” Now, you don't know what it is, but something about this situation smells funny. You fidget nervously in the back of Rarity's SUV, a little cramped with the door on one side and Fluttershy on the other. Everyone seems to be more anxious than usual. Their conversations seem a little forced, and you can't help but notice that they keep giving you these awkward glances every now and then. The ride takes you out of the city, through Applejack's family farm, and then beyond to a long, winding back-road through the woods. Eventually, the vehicle rolls to a slow stop. From here, you can see a middling sized stream just on the other edge of a green, grassy clearing. Rarity and the others begin to file out of the car, and you follow their cue. “So, what looks like a nice spot?” Applejack puts her hand to her chin and scans the ground. “Right about here looks good,” she says, pointing to a dry looking patch of low grass just outside the treeline. “Nice and out of the way.” Dash nods. “Got it.” You're left standing there like a doofus, your eyes darting about, when to your shock, you see dash bring her hands to the base of her shirt and lift it off. You gawk as she turns around, her tiny breasts swaying just a little as she bends down to untie her shoes. Apparently, she notices your stare, and looks up at you with a red tinge in her blue cheeks. “Q-quit staring at me and get undressed already! I've been holding it all day.” You look around, only to find the other girls disrobing as well. AJ's freckled chest bounces as she tosses her shirt onto the hood of the truck. Rarity's bare, white ass catches the sun as she bends low to carefully fold her garments, and you glimpse through the gap between her thighs the delicate split of her vulva and her wispy purple pubes. Pinkie Pie dances and leaps about in the grass, twirling in the breeze and doing cartwheels, constantly flashing her breasts, her plump backside, and the thick, curly, pink carpet that covers her mound. “Um… w-what's going on?” Suddenly, the movement stops. “What do you mean, Anon?” “Hold on a minute –” “Wait, so she didn't tell him after all?” “Well this is just great.” Sunset Shimmer sighs and runs a hand through her hair. She stomps in your direction, and you try not to stare at her bare chest as she explains. “Okay, see Anonymous, the thing is, we thought you wanted to take a shit with us, so we came out here–” “Hold on… 'take a shit with you'?” She nods with an embarrassed grimace on her face. “Yeah, I know it sounds messed up. When Twilight was here, she had this crazy idea for a, uh … trust building exercise. She said that friends should get together and take a shit in order to 'strengthen their bonds of friendship' like back in ancient times or whatever.” “Oh. Okay. That makes sense.” It doesn't. “So… does it work?” “Funny thing.” She chuckles. “It well… yeah.” Fluttershy speaks up. “We really did get to know Sunset much better during our, um, bathroom breaks.” “And you all want me to join in?” “No, we thought you and Twilight already did this stuff!” Dash punches you in the arm. “But now that you know about it, you pretty much have to. Like how they do it in the mafia.” Congratulations, Anonymous; you're a made man. And now you have to get naked and shit in the woods with six teenaged girls. “Well, it's better than Godfather 3.” You strip down and leave your clothes in a pile next to Rarity's. The ground is rough, and you try to keep your eyes focused downward. Up to now, your anxiety may have been enough to calm little Anon (er … that is, big Anon) but there's no need to take risks and make things harder on yourself, right? “So, what now?” Pinkie grabs you and drags you along. “Come on, Anon, you heard Dashie earlier. She's really gotta go!” The soft skin of her breast presses against your arm as she pulls you behind her. You can see the rest of the girls gathering in the proper spot, Fluttershy still covering herself with her arms while Dash is already squatting on the ground. Litt-big Anon never had a chance. Pinkie squats to the ground opposite Rainbow Dash. She looks up at you with a grin, and you quickly cover your junk before you accidentally slap her in the face with it. Though something tells you she probably wouldn't mind. “Sit down here next to me, Anon. We've got to get into a circle.” As quickly as you can, you squat down at her side. You try to keep a bit of distance between you both, but Pinkie sidles up to you. With one hand on your knee, she grabs your arm and puts it around her back. “We've got to hold on to each other, 'Nonny. That way no one falls over.” Rarity squats at your opposite side, her soft skin against yours as she ducks under your other arm. “And you'd better hold on tightly. If I fall, I hope you're ready for a long walk home.” “Aw, shoot, sugarcube, y'all need to lighten up.” Applejack kneels next to Pinkie. “We'll all be cleanin' up in the creek anyway.” “That's hardly the point and you know it.” Soon, the seven of you have formed a tight circle, practically close enough to feel each other's breath, each one leaning on the other for support, and each one red in the face, and everyone trying not to be too obvious about where their curious eyes are drifting. It's quiet in the clearing – nothing to hear but the nervous breathing of the girls around you. You hold Rarity and Pinkie about the waist, their petite bodies soft against your hands. Rarity's slender thigh is pressed to yours, her hand gripping your knee and her face hidden behind the locks of her hair. At her side is Sunset, while AJ leans on Pinkie. Across from you, Dash's perky, dark nipples stand out stiff from her chest as she breathes. Fluttershy sits trembling, her arms wrapped around AJ and Dash, her eyes clenched. Her ample breasts are mostly hidden, pressed behind her upraised knees, and beneath a tuft of light pink hair, the flushed lips of her -blam!- spread slightly open between her legs. “Cut it out, Anonymous!” “W-what?” Dash continues to glare while the others stare in your direction – and just a bit downward. “That! It's weird enough having you here without your dick getting all … hard!” You gulp and glance downward. Sure enough, you're fully erect. Throbbing, as a matter of fact, your dick making small, visible bobbing motions as you sit there, your balls brushing the grass below. “It's not like I can help it, you know. It doesn't work that way.” Fluttershy tries to look away. Pinkie giggles. She lifts her hand from your knee and gives your dick a little slap. “We should have invited 'Nonny a long time ago. This is way more fun than usual.” “G-goodness! Pinkie, you know, t-that's really –” “Oh, relax! We're all friends here, right?” Under your hand, you feel Pinkie's belly clench, and the little circle echoes with a loud, honking fart, followed by more of her bubbly laughter. A few smirks and rolled eyes follow her antics. It may have been crude, but with that little act, the mood of the group has suddenly shifted. The next thing you know, you hear a sigh and a soft, wet hissing that soon turns to a rolling splash. Applejack's eyes are shut as a heavy stream of urine flows from beneath her thick blonde bush, immediately puddling in the grass at the center of the circle and quickly pooling over the edges of her bare feet. A soft grunt and a loud, bubbling fart draw your attention to the opposite side of the circle. Behind Fluttershy's smooth thighs and upturned -blam!-, you can't help but watch as a short, thick column of shit slides from her asshole. She looks into your eyes for just a moment as it drops to the ground, and she shudders as her urine begins to flow, arcing into the growing puddle in the center of the group. With great force of will, you close your eyes and try to focus. Regardless of how bizarre and hot and kinda gross this situation may be, they expect you to shit. You don't want to think about what happens if you can't manage it. You've seen Wicker Man.

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                        • Sometimes I troll because humanity is shit. *wink wink*

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                        • Begone, failed usurper of our Lord Shrek. [spoiler]fukn fgt[/spoiler]

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                        • Here's a response. Happy?

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                        • And you think you're the leader of the Flood?

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                        • try xbox.com

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