Even though nothing in the Gallery gets read much, I started this series here so I'll continue it here... as is my custom, here's the link to Chapter 1: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/218285634?sort=0&page=0 [b] ZAPPED BY ZAVALA[/b] October 29, 2718 - 4th Day of the Festival of the Lost The Tower, the Last City, Earth Guardian Tiberius Frost is proceeding through the weirdly lit Tower, eyeing the engram lights with a twinge of sadness. It's his first Festival of the Lost, and while no Guardian he knew well has died, it's also his first major holiday without his family. A Commitatus class ship flies overhead, transmatting Kiara Pel onto the Tower roof. A few monents later, a Shark Whisperer follows it in, disgorging Maglev-6 next to her. TIBERIUS ("Ty"): "Hi guys. Welcome back." KIARA: "Shut up, brat." TY: "What's her problem?" MAGLEV-6 ("Mags"): "She's... well, she's not enjoying her new patrol assignment." KIARA: "That's an understatement. Patrolling the Oberon outpost? For what? Not even the Fallen bother with that backwater moon. I haven't killed anything in two weeks." MAGS: "Well, at least you're not spending your days as liason to the Sunbreaker Cult. Three hundred degrees in the shade, and the Sunbreakers don't want anything to do with me. All I do is kill Vex and try to keep my microcircuits from overheating." KIARA: "Well, it is your fault Zavala hates us. You're the one who traded away Mars." MAGS: "You think that was just me? I distinctly remember a certain Bladedancer telling me 'I don't care what you have to give them, I just want more chocolate'." KIARA: "..." MAGS: "And you're to blame too, Ty. It was your endless whining about being hungry that caused the whole problem in the first place." TY: "Yeah, if it hadn't been for me, the Cabal would have just turned us over to their scientists for a slow, painful death." KIARA: "I hate to admit it, but he has a point." MAGS: "Better to lose three Guardians than a planet." KIARA: "You really think that?" MAGS (sighs): "No. One for you, Ty." KIARA: "So if Zavala hates all of us, how come you and I are slaving away on crap assignments, but that brat still gets to drive a tank around the Ukraine?" MAGS: "Farm patrol is hardly a plum assignment." KIARA: "Yeah, but Ty enjoys it and Zavala knows it." MAGS: "Well, the problem is that Cabal command protocols for their heavy weapons are pretty much unhackable. One of their armorers assigned our boy here as the vehicle's operator, and didn't bother to issue the Vanguard the necessary codes for reassignment. In other words, only Ty can drive the thing." KIARA: "So that explains why he's still driving it after flattening half of Vienna by rolling his tank over it." TY: "I said I was sorry." MAGS: "Let's just hope you don't do the same thing with the city that actually has people in it. Because that would be bad." KIARA: "Hilarious, but bad." TY: "Hey, I got a question. I've been patrolling the farms solo for the last two weeks. Today alone I wiped out 57 Fallen, seven heavy pikes, two walkers, and heavily damaged a ketch." MAGS: "Nice work. No one here said you couldn't handle yourself in a fight." KIARA: "Thats why they put up with you." TY: "You're not exactly popular yourself, Kiara." MAGS: "None of us are, since that whole 'giving away Mars' thing. Your point." TY: "So how come Holliday refuses to give me a ship of my own?" MAGS: "Because she doesn't give ships to anyone without a ship operator's permit. And you have to be eighteen years old to qualify for one." TY: "But I'm over three hundred years old." KIARA: "And you were dead for all but nine of it. That doesn't count." MAGS: "You have to be eighteen years old to fly a warp-capable jumpship. It's the law." TY: "So that means whenever we go off planet, I have to hitch rides with you? For another eight and a half years?" MAGS: "Not at all. Just a few more weeks, in fact." TY: "Cool!" MAGS: "After that, you won't need a mentor anymore. You'll be assigned to a different fireteam, and you'll have to hitch a ride on your team leader's ship for eight and a half years." We won't quote what Ty says next, but suffice to say, if he had done it before his death and revival as a Guardian, his mother would have dragged him into the bathroom and washed his mouth out with soap. KIARA: "That was charming." MAGS: "Hold on. I'm getting a comm sugnal." (deploys his Ghost) "What is it, Ghost?" MAGS'S GHOST (in Douglas Rain's voice): "Commander Zavala has an assignment for you and your team. Report to him immediately." KIARA: "Oh, great. Last time we got an assignment from that blue-headed bald knob, we almost got obliterated by Vex." TY: "I remember that. You did a pretty good Macarena, once you got the hang of..." KIARA: "If you don't shut up about that, I'm going to force-feed you a bucketload of live arcbolt grenades." MAGS: "We don't have time for your creative threats right now, Kiara. Let's go find Zavala, see what he wants." VANGUARD'S CHAMBER MAGS: "You're joking, right?" ZAVALA: "You've been a Guardian for eighty years, Mags. In all that time, have you ever seen me make a joke?" MAGS: "No." ZAVALA: "Have you ever even seen me smile?" MAGS: "Never." TY: "Well, there was the first time you ate pancakes." CAYDE: "That wasn't a smile, he was just scowling less than usual." TY: "That still sort of counts." ZAVALA: "No it doesn't. And we're off the subject. Your fireteam is going to Mars." MAGS: "Why should we bother? As you never stop reminding us, we don't even own Mars anymore. Anything going on there is the Cabal's problem now." ZAVALA: "Except the Cabal have contacted us about an Echo of Oryx there." KIARA: "So? Let them fight it." IKORA: "They can't. Every time they send a team after it, the Echo 'takes' the team, and the rest of the Cabal have to kill their own soldiers." TY: "That would suck." MAGS: "But Guardians can't be taken, so the Cabal want us to go in and kill the Echo." KIARA: "And why should we bother?" ZAVALA: "Tell me, Guardian... have you ever heard of... Starbucks?" MAGS: "I've heard the legends, but I figured that's all they were." IKORA: "The legends are true. Behold, the Hidden Codex of Lord Starbuck." She hands them a reproduction of a laminated menu about 700 years old: STARBUCKS MENU. It is full of choices: Coffee. Cappucino. Frappuchino. Mocha. And others. ZAVALA: "The Cabal have offered us engrammatized recipe files for everything on this menu in exchange for our help." CAYDE: "What he means, of course, is your help." KIARA: "Even so, what's the point of all this? We can't devote resouces to growing coffee beans. We're still trying to secure enough farmland to feed the City. Or did you fail to notice that three-quarters of the people still eat gray glop?" MAGS: "It's true. We should at least negotiate for a few more Goliaths." KIARA: "How do we do that? Send Ty down there to whine at them some more?" TY: "I wasn't whining at them. I was just asking if I could drive a tank." KIARA: "You were whining." TY: "Well at least I'm not threatening people all the time." KIARA: "I don't threaten everyone. Just you." ZAVALA (to Mags): "Are they always like this?" MAGS: "No, they're generally far worse." ZAVALA: "I can believe it. To answer your question, Guardian Pel, we've actually done better than that. The Cabal also offered us one of their prefabricated tank-production facilities. We took delivery of it this morning, and have already begun assembly of our first Earth-built Goliath." MAGS: "That's why you want us down there so quick. You've already accepted payment for the job." IKORA: "Part payment. We get the Starbucks engrams after the job is done." ZAVALA: "Otherwise correct, though. Get a good night's sleep, then I want you underneath Freehold by 0700 standard time tomorrow. And don't come back until the Echo is dealt with." MAGS: "Yes sir." All three of them leave the room. The Vanguards are alone. IKORA: "I have to say, sir, that was low even for you. You know the Cabal haven't delivered the tank-production module yet." ZAVALA: "Of course not. That Echo is the most powerful encountered anywhere. It's unlikely even a Guardian fireteam can stop it. The Cabal honor their agreements, but they're not stupid enough to give us payment until we've proven that we can do our part." CAYDE: "If they can, we get coffee, pastries, and enough tanks to kick the Fallen out of Europe for good. And if they can't, then you've gotten rid of your least favorite fireteam. Sweet deal for you either way." ZAVALA (with a smirk): "Exactly." We're into two digits, here's Chapter 10: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/223178552