I have had this same issue for months I was determined to fix the issue I am no networking engineer but I do have basic knowledge of how home networks work but this is what I have found based off of MY EXPERIENCE
The issue from what I am finding is a combination of destiny's code and poor implementation of UpNP from older routers or most routers that your Internet provider gives you
Setting up a DMZ on one of the xboxs or playstation may solve your issue I did this on my old router and it was a temporary fix
(Above setting up dmz should be your first thing to try before resorting to spending money on a new router)
What I did to permanently fix the issue is I bought a new router....that's it...I bought the Asus RT-AC88U
typically you want to stay away from modem router combo routers...and have two separate boxes...
Let's say you have a decent router but you're still having issues...I've found the following settings to wreak havoc on destiny's connection
1 . Port forwarding (don't use this it just causes a ton of problems)
2. for some reason destiny hates it when I put my console on a static IP not sure why
3. Make sure nat acceleration settings are off
Some things that may help your problem by turning these on
1. UpNp
2. Setting up a DMZ on one of the xboxs or playstation may solve your issue I did this on my old router and it was a temporary fix
Hope this information helped some of you
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Might not be able to help everyone but I found that setting up my laptop near my console then enabling connection sharing on it and then using an ethernet cable solves this issue
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Grabed this off reddit today. Change the name of one of the consoles on the network. Assuming you have two this should now work. Didn't believe it but amazingly. Two xboxes that haven't fire team joined since the start of the dawning. Immediately working. So if you are at the impossible end of the solutions list check all your consoles ps4/xbone. Have different names. Then change one. Or all if you have three or more i guess.
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As a reminder DEDICATED SERVERS can solve most problems. Too bad Bungie don't care.
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As a side note to UPnP, I have a NAT 3 connection and was having problems with party chat and game chat where I could not hear anyone or some people couldn't hear me, I couldn't hear them. I had to configure UPnP to work and this has resolved all of my chat issues. I don't use an off the shelf router. I have it all forwarded through my ISP provided router to my Linux box which has been configured with Pfsense which performs everything I need. I have configured it to pass all packets for my PS4 as soon as they come in above all other traffic, called QoS. I have seen a lot fewer lag issues from my side, a better connection for a better game. I have also been reading up on configuring GeoIP, blocking any connections coming from specific locations around the world. It would be nice if I could connect only with people physically near me, further reducing lag issues. So my point is, for anyone wanting the best, most advanced solution which can resolve this issue, look into Pfsense which, after some study and work, will resolve this issue along with many other issues. Fair warning, this isn't for the non-technically inclined. I like having as much control as possible and it took me months of reading and testing before I found the correct configurations. I hope this solution helps some people out and improves their gaming experience.
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Nicely written, and actually a direct reflection of what bungie has suggested people do as it has been found to fix most problems. Upnp is the common element in all the fixes posted so far. Most people should be able to just reset the upnp setting through power cycling the router to clear the upnp setting and stored info, and making sure at least one console is hardwired and has a static ip.