BEHOLD, FOR I AM THE DISCOUNT GENIE!
We've been having some cutbacks lately, as our magic sources from [b][REDACTED][/b], and we all know they're becoming few and far between!
Anyway, since you summoned me or whatever, I'll give you three wishes. Their accuracy and complexity may not be up to par, but at least you get something.
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Milk Massive testicles All of ISIS to be tied up and slapped with bacon