Do you fart in bed ? If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, Honey you were right all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you. What do you mean? asked his wife. Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in.
English
#Offtopic
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You want a real Joke? Don't look further than this guy: https://www.bungie.net/en/Profile/
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That's funny but not as funny as throwing a flash bang in a children's epilepsy hospital and playing the Harlem Shake
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I didn't laugh
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Shiiii
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I didn't laugh...
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in soviet Russia turkey stuffs you
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[i][b]JOKE OF THE WEEK!!!!![/b][/i]
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I is a TadPaul
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Pretty funny but I wasn't crying
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I don't really laugh unless I'm being told IRL If I was I would
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Heard a variation of this before, but still good, if a bit long.
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I don't get it
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My roommate farted loudly whenever he would wake up - and I mean LOUD. I could hear it from different floors of the house. That is, until one day I immediately heard him yell "oh no!" after said fart. A few minutes later he was doing a load of laundry.
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Too long did not read, yet, in spiteful fashion, have decided to comment on the long thread, for no other reason than to prove a hollow point against the lack of effort issued by many, including myself. Thus, I prove to be a nuisance among forum dwellers, in that I might have come up with a better, more entertaining and less stressful comment, had I simply taken the time to read the above article. Though, I have not, and instead have taken it upon myself to at least double if not triple the amount of time it might have taken to read the post, in an attempt to entertain, when in fact this comment is not the subject of entertainment, and even in that recognition, I continue wasting time to only subtly produce enjoyment for but a few, while the funny joke above has gifted enjoyment for many. Please understand, it was not my intention to annoy you, but at this point, I can only hope that I have. Now I don't know how to end my shitty comment, so I'll bring it to a close by saying - if you did not like this comment, please reply with "war, war never changes" and I will feel bad about the mistakes I have made, until another opportunity to troll the forums arises, in which I will strike again, without cause, without justice.
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Edited by Lethenza: 7/28/2016 5:19:49 PMParagraphs, por favor
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Oh god
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lame.
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Two guys are out hunting when they come across a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The first guy says to the second, "I'm gonna f**k this sheep in the a$$." So he pulls his pants down and f**ks the sheep. When he finishes, he looks to the second guy and says, "Alright, now it's your turn." The second guy looks at him and says,"Ok, but do I have to stick my head in the fence to?"
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[b] [/b]
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What do you call a group of cooks on a safari? A heard Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? He wanted to find a tight seal
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I didn't laugh... [spoiler]Did I win or something?[/spoiler]
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Toppest of the keks
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Vaseline and two fingers can go a long way... [spoiler]( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)[/spoiler]
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Edited by Cegiofra: 7/28/2016 1:13:52 AM[b][u][i]LMAO![/i][/u][/b]
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[spoiler]That's pretty good ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) [/spoiler]
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Hey, that was pretty good!