Welcome to another Unofficial Weekly Update! While you wait for the real update to drop, here is something to help you pass the time! POLL QUESTION: Who's your favorite #UnofficialWeeklyUpdate interview? This week, as many of you know, the Tower saw the return of the long, lost Tess Everis! So, it was only natural that I tracked her down to ask her a few questions! Let's see what she has to say! [b]Tess, thanks for letting me pick your brain for a bit![/b] Glad to be here! So what's up? [b]Nothing really. Just doing my weekly rounds! So why did you leave the Tower? It seemed like a pretty sudden thing.[/b] You mean other than Zavala's drunken ass trying to come onto me all the time? [b]Yeah I heard about that...He has a way with women evidently.[/b] Yeah, he's a real charmer that one. Anyways, I left because it was boring as shit there mostly. [b]Boring?[/b] Yeah. You try standing in a damned kiosk all day long doing nothing. I got sick of standing there with nothing to do for the most part. Well other than fight off Zavala... [b]Okay, I guess I can see that. So what did you do while you were out there?[/b] Now THAT is a story. I decided that I had had enough of being bored and constantly being asked by Zavala if I dug bunghole action - he really asked me that like four times a day...I mean, how is that guy still a Vanguard?! Bunghole action? Who the hell says that?! UGH. Anyways, what I did while I was out there doesn't really matter, what does matter is what I plan to do now that I'm back! [b]Uh-huh, and what is that exactly?[/b] I started the Eververse Trading Company! This Tower is woefully lacking in style and substance. Seriously, you Guardians wear some of the ugliest shit I've ever seen in my entire life, and you can't dance to save your lives. It's really pathetic actually...Anyways, being that all of you guys and gals could do with some culture, the Eververse Trading Company is going to teach all of you to dance. For a price of course. And that price is precious, precious silver! [b]I don't really think that giving dance lessons is really much of a trading company I guess. Sounds a lot more like a dance studio to me...[/b] Well, I do lessons on how to look distraught, slow clap, I even have some taunts that I can teach you! [b]Okay, see that is where I'm lost here. Why exactly do I need to pay you to make a “come at me bro” gesture? Or fall to my knees and cry to the Heavens? I can already do that![/b] Yeah, you could, but if you pay me Silver, it's even better! [b]Look! I'm literally doing a Carlton right now. And I didn't have to pay you a thing![/b] Yeah, but your friends will think you a scrub. You don't have the legendary icon dance emote. Once you have that you are legit. [b]And I'm not legit right now?[/b] Nope. You need to have the legendary emote to be legit. Which you don't have. Give me some silver though... I'll give you thom thilver my luf!! Oh for F***s sake Zavala go away! [b]Commander Zavala?? Who let him in here??[/b] GOD DAMMIT ZAVALA WHERE ARE YOUR DAMN PANTS??? [b]Yeah she's kind of right man...it's uh...well, you're certainly letting it all hang out there aren't you? Just kinda...naked from the waist down....kind of inappropriate...[/b] TETH! I'm SOOOO glad you are back! I brought you a pitty present! I mithed you! Yeah well, I didn't...OH MY GOD. [b]Dude that's just wrong...[/b] THEE?? If I put my handths behind my head and twistht my hipth really fast...HAHAHA smack, smack, smack! I call it the Thigh Slapper emote! ZAVALA KNOCK IT OFF! PUT SOME PANTS ON! ~blurrp~ 180 PROOF BABAY!!! I got sumthin for you ta knock off... Max get him out of here! [b]Okay Zavala it's time for you to go, I'm trying to do an interview here![/b] I GOT PROTECTION! ~pops bubble~ COME AT ME BRO!! Thee my luf? I bought thith from you! I gave you money now you haf to give me a date! [b]I'm not going in there.[/b] Me either. [b]He's doing the Thigh Slapper Emote again...[/b] I didn't sell him that one. I got this. [b]CAYDE-6!!![/b] ~shoots Golden Gun at bubble~ You're welcome kids. Now I have other important hero type stuff I should be doing. You got this from here, right? Good. Because...well, because. ~Cayde Transmats out~ AWWW Cayde! Why are you thutch a fun wrecker? Do all of your interviews go like this? [b]Yeah...this is standard hat for me. [/b] I don feel tho good... [b]Zavala if you wretch on my damned floor again so help me God I'll-[/b] ~falls to hands and knees~ Yup...I'm gonna hurl thum CHUNKS... [b]DON'T YOU F***ING DO IT ZAVALA![/b] ~pukes~ GROSS! [b]FOR THE LOVE OF...GOD DAMMIT! WHY?? Why, why, why??[/b] I'm out of here Max this is the worst interview of ALL TIME! YOU SUCK!! You think she was impressed with my new emote? ~wipes mouth and smiles~ [b]No Zavala...no I don't.[/b] ~Zavala passes out~ And...there you have it. Words from...Tess Everis. Xur visited the Tower last week and ...brought with him a bunch of garbage nobody really cares about. Xur has been a major point of contention since the release of The Taken King as his inventory has gotten pretty screwy. He rarely sells any year two gear (weapons are non-existent so far) and most of the year two armor that has been sold are just rehashed year one armors. His exotic engrams only contain year one exotics, and he no longer sells exotic shards. One poster was seen to say, “3 of Coins is the only thing worth buying, and even that barely works!” The Eververse Trading Company arrived at the Tower this week. Tess Everis opened up shop, selling new emotes and taunts for silver, an item that can only be obtained by spending real life buckaroos. Some players are heralding this as the end of the damn world for Destiny, with one player saying, “Microtransactions will KILL Destiny!” Players are concerned that if Tess can sell emotes, then there is no reason that Bungie can't just have her sell Strange Coins, Motes of Light or weapons, turning Destiny into a “pay to win” type. Players have pointed to a number of datamined consumable items as evidence that Bungie does in fact intend to “Feemiumize” Destiny. Luke Smith however has made statements saying that those consumables were no longer valid due to bugs. For now, take some of the free silver and buy an emote. Emotes are harmless. Destiny is still good. Iron Banner went live this week to much praise and applause. The new armor looks great and the weapons have shown to be pretty great too. As expected. However, there are two massive problems that forumites are chiming in about. The first is the “Sunbreaker is OP” problem. Many players feel like Sunbreaker Titans are too difficult to kill when they are using their super, and the hammers are one shot kills. It is not uncommon for a single Sunbreaker Titan to whack a five kill streak in a single super while enduring a ridiculous amount of gunfire (I watched Broman do it yesterday). One player was quoted as saying “Sunbreakers are out of control, NERF them Bungie!” Another glaring issue is a recent exploit where Hunters are able to fire their bow forever. The glitch, which was discovered accidentally, allows a Hunter to maintain their super indefinitely and fire off as many bow shots as they can before they are killed. The glitch has spread like wildfire in the Iron Banner, and many feel that it has hopelessly ruined the event. Many players are outraged at this blatant cheaters tactic, one player saying, “No matter how you dress it up, it's still cheating.” Another player said, “Man I hope they fix this before Trials hits.” Bungie has acknowledged the issue, but has not said when they will be able to fix it. Patch 2.0.1 also brought about several nerfs to Destiny. The first was the nerfing of the light level of Black Spindle. Bungie hit every Black Spindle in the game by subtracting 20 light from all of them, in some cases negating the work people put in to level up ones bought from the kiosk. One player said, “Dick move, Bungie...dick move.” Also, Bungie reduced the amount of Strange Coins, Weapon Parts and Motes of Light that can be obtained through various activities. The Shot Package perk was eradicated from all shotguns as well in attempt to reduce the overpowered nature of shotguns in Crucible. One player was quoted as saying, “What about Range Finder? You guys gonna do something about that?” Luke Smith announced on his Twitter account that the team recognizes that the rewards for the Nightfalls have been total shit, and they are planning to work on it. Well, he didn't say they were total shit, he said that the rewards feel like losing, but let's face it, Nightfall rewards are complete shit these days. What matters is that Bungie has recognized the problem, and they plan to fix it. That's all we have time for this week readers! I missed a week because I was away on Honeymoon, so it was great to get this up for you guys this week! As always, THANK YOU ALL so much for reading, and remember to keep those guns piping hot and those Strange Coins handy for Xur. I mean, it's not like he'll bring anything useful, but you never know. I'll see you in the Wild!