[quote]I've got a good one. So my mom was always a bit of a cu*t, still hot though. At this time I was 15. I was in my guitar phase, where all I wanted to do was play guitar. Today I was playing it louder than I should've been. My mom enters my room and says [b][i]"turn that shit down!"[/i][/b] I said [b][i]"okay, calm down you cu*t."[/i][/b] [i]"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME"[/i] Then realizing what I said, I apologize and said it's just been a rough day. Then she pulls the classic mom card. [b][i]"Call me that again and I'll sell your guitar. I brought you into this world and I can take you back out!"[/i][/b] This had my Jimmy [b][i]especially[/i][/b] rustled. I said [b][i]"let me f[i]ucking help you."[/i][/i][/b] So I grabbed my mothers wrists and pulled them behind her back. She started screaming for my father, but he was dead. Next, I tied her hands together using guitar wire. Then I chained her to my bed. [b][i]she was terrified. [/i][/b] [i]"Back where I came from huh? Well, let me help you."[/i] I cut my mother's jeans off using a hunting knife. I collect knives and swords, so this wasn't hard to do. As fate would have it, my mother wasn't wearing panties. You know how when you open a fresh bag of popcorn, a bunch of hot steam rises from the bag? Thats what happened when I took her pants off. [b][i]Beaver steam melted my face.[/i][/b] [b][i][u]Literally. [/u][/i][/b] Let me re-cap the scene for you. [i]Mother is on my bed, wrists bleeding from struggling against the wire. Steam is rising out of her watering hole, my face is melting off of my face, my dick is out (oh yeah, I forgot to mention that earlier), and in walks my father. [/i] He was resurrected by some form of vaginal witchcraft. [b][i]his dick was out too. [/i][/b] He then wrapped barbed wire around his sausage meat and -blam!-ed my mothers steamy hole until she died. After that he said [b][i]"sorry about your face, son."[/i][/b] Later we laughed it all off and had a few beers. [b][i]#rekt [/i][/b][/quote]