I've posted this here before, but this is the best story I have. I don't care if you believe it or not.
[quote]Green texting because stories sound better. Long story, but it's worth it, I promise you, funniest thing that has ever happened to me
>me and friend are seniors
>friend is -blam!- buddies with this junior girl, we'll call her blonde
>I own a jeep
>with friend when we find out blonde wants to go for a top down ride because bitches love jeeps
>I'm like nah bruh I'm not about that 3rd wheeling shit
>tell her to bring her sluttiest friend, who me and my friend both know as a girl we'll call brunette (also a junior)
>plays dumb card and says she doesn't have slutty friends
>me my friend blonde and brunette hangout that day, nothing crazy
>power of apple= group chat started that night with us 4
>we decide that we should all get drunk together
>the girls have a competition who could send the better nude in the group chat
>brunette won, never let blonde know though
>fast foward about a week, me and my friend's last day of highschool, the girls still have school for another week
>decide were all going to drink that night
>sneak over brunettes house with a lot of fireball and burnettes (whiskey and vodka)
>can't be caught
>friend and I look at each other knowing that were going to get caught
>ayyy lmao
>later in the night friend becomes angry drunk, I'm very drunk and drinking more, the girls are pretty much sober
>friend tells the girls to -blam!- off
>the girls say verbatim "if you're not gunna do shit with us we'll do shit with eachother"
>girls start making out
>I take a snapchat mystory of it because I had to be funny
>brunette starts riding my friends dick while making out with blonde
>blonde sees, rage quits because my friend was her -blam!- buddy
>pushes brunette off of friend
>brunette starts riding me
>blonde starts riding friend, trying to out-blam!- brunette
>headboard of the bed banging
>footsteps coming on the stairs
>friend and I jump out of bed and into closet to hide
>closet door rips open
>brunette's mom
>friend and I are only in our boxers
>sprint out of house, grabbed my bag, friend grabbed his phone
>running through streets in just underwear
>realize my bag doesn't have any clothes in it or my phone, or my keys, just empty bottles
>dumb the bottles on some randoms lawn
>find dark spot on the road so cops don't see us (currently 1230am btw)
>decide we need our clothes
>go back to brunettes house
>on side of the house telling brunette to throw out shit out
>ayy lmao
>mom and stepfather (btw we didn't know there was a father figure in the subject) walk outside asking us what were doing
>were already caught, so we tell them we need our shit
>they make brunette bring it out to us
>we get dressed
>find out blonde walked home and had my keys & wallet
>U WOT M8?!?
>brunettes mom wants to talk to blondes mom
>in the car with brunettes mom and stepdad and my friend going to blondes house
>stepdad asks us if we were trying to have sex with his stepdaughter
>friend says yes, but didn't because he didn't have a condom
>me and my drunken self decide to speak up, "oh I have a condom" and procede to show stepdad
>stepdad wants 1v1 irl
> get to blondes house
> brunettes mom tells blonde mom everything
>me and friend are laughing in the background
>brunette parents drop us off at other friends house
>other friend tells us to leave because his mom was being bitchy
>friends phone is dead, my has been at 1% for the past 10 minutes
>friends dad picks up the phone, coming to save us
>phone dies before phone call ends
>wake up in the morning at friends house
>have to go to school to turn in a late paper, my friend has to do the same
>enter school
>every junior we see is freaking out when they see us, asking what happened and what not
>remember that I made a mystory of the girls making out
>lol
>brunette texts me, saying she cried in the bathroom all day because everyone found out she made out with blonde, threatens to call the cops on me
>text her back saying that I don't know her and don't know what she's talking about
>block her on social media
>LOLOLOLOL
Will forever remember that as my last day of High School.[/quote]
English
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Legen.........................dary
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"Legen... Wait for it, I hope you're not lactose intolerant cause the next part that is... DAIRY"
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[quote]"Legen... Wait for it, I hope you're not lactose intolerant cause the next part that is... DAIRY"[/quote] This... I'm dying
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Heard this about 5 times, gets funnier every time.
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You deserve a medal
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Legendary.
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Never gets old
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She cried over that?
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Thank you for the f[b]u[/b]cking wall of text
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[quote]>stepdad wants 1v1 irl[/quote] Kek
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You are fu[i]c[/i]king legendary man. You. Are. [b][i][u]L[/u][/i][/b] [b][i][u]E[/u][/i][/b] [b][i][u]G[/u][/i][/b] [b][i][u]E[/u][/i][/b] [b][i][u]N[/u][/i][/b] [b][i][u]D[/u][/i][/b] [b][i][u]A[/u][/i][/b] [b][i][u]R[/u][/i][/b] [b][i][u]Y[/u][/i][/b]
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I saw this one before, still crazy
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[quote]I saw this one before, still crazy[/quote]