Apparently the "servers" are peer to peer. Bungie's way of sluffing off that responsibility onto you...the player.
From my experience (COD) when I host, I am a god. And believe me I have a shit connection. So everyone else suffers and I rack in kills. Unless Bungie goes to dedicated servers we are all SOL.
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I exactly know what you are talking about. It's a shame for such a nice game like Destiny. But i want Grimoire and it's impossible and FRUSTRATED and NOT FAIR, haha.