Shaxx & the real reason why we´re sent to the Crucicle (fanfic parody)
* a new Guardian goes out to the docking area of the Tower with a disconcerted look after briefly talking with Lord Shaxx *
* Commander Zavala approaches Shaxx *
[b]Z[/b]- Hey there- Uhm... That new soldier looked confused. Why did he come to you?
[b]S-[/b] Oh. He wanted to know what the point of the Crucible was. More or less, his words were "[i]why are we sent to wreck one another, wasting time, efforts and munition, when we could be out there pushing the Darkness and his minions back[/i]"?
[b]Z-[/b] A daring question, indeed. And what did you tell him?
[b]S-[/b] Well, what do you expect? I told him the truth: that we send them out there to forge better soldiers. So they can train against enemies better, faster, smarter, stronger than anything that the Darkness can ever send at us: [i]more experienced Guardians[/i]. That they will learn from one another´s tactics and the true meaning of the strength of a team, and thus, when actually facing the Darkness, they will become unstoppable.
[b]Z[/b]- A great answer, Shaxx. Honorable and inspiring.
*Shaxx looks at Zavala*
*Zavala looks at Shaxx*
[b]Z[/b]- PFFFFFWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And he bought that?
[b]S-[/b] Like discount burgers, man! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I can´t believe that line works every time! I mean, can you believe it?. Hey, hey, check this out..
* Shaxx pulls out a monitor, where a Titan tackles a Hunter*
* voice of the Hunter throguh the comm- [i]THAT F*****NG GUY WITH THE SHOULDER CHARGE AGAIN[/i]!!*
[b]Z[/b]- BAAHAHAHAHA! By the Traveler, this is just too much fun! Shaxx, man, you had the greatest idea when you decided to record matches.
[b]S[/b]- Right? I mean, I just thought "dude, standing around the Tower waiting for some Guardians to come and buy equipment is BO-RING, there´s gotta be a way to find entertain"- oh, wait, watch this, [i]watch this[/i]!
* Warlock charges at Titan with a shotgun. One, shot, Titan goes down*
* Voice over the comm- [i]AGAIN WITH THE GOD****M SHOTGUNS[/i]!!*
*Zavala starts to crack up. Shaxx hushes him, then pulls a microphone out of the monitor, clears his voice, then activates it*
[b]S[/b]- (dramatic voice) [i]PROVE YOUR WORTH, GUARDIAN![/i] *closes mic*
[b]Z[/b]- PAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You cruel, merciless bas**** you just love doing that, don´t you?
* Ikora Rey storms in with an angry look *
[b]I-[/b] What the Hell are you two doing? I can heard you morons laughing from across the Hall, it´s impossible to conduct research like this! What´s the big deal?
[b]S[/b]- Ikora, relax... *squints at her* We´re watching[i] Crucible matches[/i]
* Ikora´s eyes flash*
[b]I[/b]- OOOOOH, you should have said it before!! Cayde!! Cayde, bring popcorn, dude, there´s another show of scrubs wasting one another!
[b]C[/b]- Yeah! About time! Hey, someone phone the guys at New Monarchy and Dead Orbit, see if they want to take bets on this. Who´s fighting now?
* The voice of the Dead Orbit´s representative storms through the microphones*
[b]D.O.[/b]- WE CAN HEAR YOU FROM ALL THE WAY OVER HERE, YOU PITIFUL, SAD EXCUSE FOR A VANGUARD!!
* Dead silence. The spectators look at one another, with some shame in their face.
[b]D.O.[/b]- I mean.... A new match started and [i]YOU GUYS DIDN´T PHONE RIGHT AWAY???[/i] I´m betting 12.000 Glimmer on the team with the Hunter that has a Third Man mask!
[b]New Monarchy[/b]- We´re betting 15.000 on the team with four Titans!!
*In the meantime, the Cryptarch has taken another Purple Engram and decrypted it into a toaster*
[spoiler] To be honest, I actually DO believe that my time in the Crucible has improved my overall skills and made me better when doing Strikes and all. [/spoiler]
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