Alright so the story started out with them at the hellmouth. it was a couple lines of dialog and then bam...... they were down in the abyss fighting through thrall and all that. Somehow a member of the group knows exactly what to do and where to go. How do they know this? Then you have this chapter and one of the characters is already dead. I don't know that character. I didn't feel any loss or sadness when he died. give your characters a good personality with some back story. make us like them and then when you take them away we will feel sad or angry and want the other members of the group to carry on and complete the quest, kill the monster, or beat the enemy. Also his ghost just dropped dead? Why? Explain to me things. Also bring in some characters emotions what they are feeling and thinking. Descriptive detail is a fickle bitch. add too much and you take away from the readers imagination on setting up the world that you have carefully provided to them. Add too little and the reader has no idea what kind of environment your characters are in. Work on adding detail especially to area's that we have never seen before. "The chamber was lit by little purple flames." Not a lot of descriptive detail. You could add something like "The chamber was dimly lit with small purple torches dotting the dark grey stone walls. Bones littered the floor and each movement cause a clatter. At the far end, the outline of a door could be seen. Above them was nothing but a pitch black void that could have extended for eternity." Just some of my observations. I will read chapter 3 regardless.