I LOVED IT! Just work on spelling and grammar. Not to mention breaking down dialogue and paragraphs into smaller blocks. Like this...
A strike of lightning crossed the sky as the clouds started to gray and twist in malice. Unable to move I just sat there...motionless. Waiting for the end to come.
"Hey...get up."
Huh? Who said that? For a second I thought I heard a voice call to me. Ah well...back to sleeping...
"Hey...wake up Guardian...It's not safe here." END
Kind of like that. Also remember to keep it original, don't start copying scenes exactly how they happened in the game. I can see your already not doing that so good job! :)
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